Zuzuisms and our week with her

Zuzu's parents gave us a wonderful gift by entrusting us with her for an entire week.  This was the second year in a  row that they followed their favorite band, Phish, to Mexico for a three night concert.  Golfing and swimming with the dolphins during the day.

Our friend Paul Brouillette who posts Joelisms on Facebook inspired me to write up a few Zuzuisms.  Paul's have caused me to spit my coffee out more than once, and I don't think any of these will be as funny as his.

Here are the Zuzuisms that I can remember from our recent visit.

On the first day, when we put Mabel, the dog we dog sat at the same time, into her crate until she did her business outside: "Granda you don't have to be mad you have to be brave"

Constantly during the movie that Granda took her to:  "Come on, really?" (I suspect that one of her parents says this all the time and my bets are that it is my son Chris)

We ran into our nephew Mike in City Market, our local coop.   There is another Mike living near who is my brother so to distinguish them:  "Mémère, you mean the New Uncle Mike, right?"

I spoiled her as a true grandmother should, and bought her 10 donut holes from Dunkin Donuts.  She promised to not eat any more, having quickly devoured 4 of them and 2 minutes late snuck under a table and had the container open.  Granda took it away from her and hid it.  For the next 2 hours until bedtime every 2 minutes "Where are my Dunkin' Donuts?  I need my Dunkin' Donuts?"  the last words before I left her that night "My Dunkin' Donuts better be right on the arm of the couch tomorrow morning.  Can you find them Granda?"  First thing the next morning before her eyes were even open "MY DUNKIN' DONUTS!  You found them Granda!"  She does not eat many sweets at home!

She was very sad about missing her parents and had been crying.  We got her to stop but in the saddest voice possible she said "I need something to wipe my tears"  We asked Granda if he had a magic hankie to wipe her tears and that was used for the next few nights or any other time she hurt herself and cried.  The hankie went home with her.  BTW Granda can always be counted on to have a magic hankie in his back pocket.

To anything she did not want to eat or do:  "No Fanks"  in a quick sassy way.  We were hoping that she would want to go to church with to which she replied "No Fanks"

This trip the food she asked for over and over was toast.  We even had to go shopping for more bread for Granda and then is was "Granda can I have some of your new bread for toast?"  Last year we could not supply her with enough oranges and this year it was toast.

We so enjoy these visits, AND we are outnumbered the minute she arrives.  She keeps us on our toes for sure.  I suppose that is the role of a grand child.

Two new Grandma Katie stockings in the extended family - three if you count Garrett's

It has been three years since there was a need for a Grandma Katie Christmas stocking.  I did not even realize that there are some unmet needs out there except my cousin Kit, who shares Grandma Katie, was visiting Vermont and the neuron fired.  Her daughter, the first of those first cousins,  just got married and her spouse might want one.  A few texts later Kit confirmed from Dusie, that yes, a stocking for Pete would be wonderful.  Unfortunately I mailed it in plenty of time but the USPS did not deliver it on time and Pete will have to use it in 2017 for the first time.  NEVER TRUST THE USPS and keep the receipt they give you so you can track your package (which I did not do).

In that conversation Judy (SIL) also expressed that she does not have one.  She has one that Mom knit her their first year of marriage, and has used that for 40 years, but it was not a Grandma Katie stocking.

It never occurred to me that she wanted one and as I wrote to her in the note for her stocking "All the important people in the world have two stockings, Crick, Me and now her".

So off I went to the yarn store, found the red green white and angora yarn for two stockings.  Honestly I love making them AND eventually my fingers will be too arthritic so someone in this next generation will have to learn the pattern.  We have two possibilities in the next generation and there will probably be a year in the future when there will be a need for 2-3 knitters as the next generation starts multiplying.

Another SIL is knitting her new son-in-law, Garrett, the stocking and found the exact pattern on Etsy.  WOW, just WOW.

I blogged about the stocking in 2007 when my nephew got his:  blog

UPDATE FROM 2018:  Here is the note Grandma Katie wrote me in the 1960s about my knitting.  I love her so much

On the Eve of Change - one on one conversations

Two days before an incredible change in our country along with a million other pundits I am contemplating the divisiveness in our country.  I read a friend's posting on Facebook just now and that person and I could not be in different places.  I suspect that I am on the verge of being blocked or unfriended by that person which I have already invited "friends" to do.   Sample from my Facebook posts are:

"If you don't like that I post 200 pictures of Zuzu every day please feel free to unfriend me"

"I realize that I might offend others with my shares, so unfriend me in that case.  I cannot stay silent"



When I post on Facebook I USUALLY go through a couple of filters:

1)  "Am I going to embarrass one of my kids with this?"  Honest Chris and Bethany, I do have this filter and it is my first one.

2)  "Have I already shared enough Rumi quotes today or this week, and am I beating a dead horse?"

3)  "Is this important, is this kind and is this necessary?"  OK this filter might not always include the "Is this kind?" but the other two trump the "Is this kind?"

4)  Occasionally I have a filter of "What would friends who are opposite to me politically think of this?"  This one does not stop me from posting but I do think about it.

This last filter is the topic of this post.  I do think that we need to listen to each other and as hard as it is I think we need to listen to those who are on the opposite end of the political spectrum from us.  These are the folks that we like to dismiss, make fun of, get angry with and in all other ways not listen to.  I don't think my Facebook posts are going to help at all with "opposites".  My good friend Gary Holmes wrote an excellent public post about this:

https://garyholmes76.wordpress.com/2016/02/26/the-2016-election-how-to-lose-friends-and-not-influence-people-on-facebook/

BTW, he is one of my friends who is very close to opposite to me and we have skirted around some conversations recently but not had the REAL conversation.    Ready to have it Gary?

A key component to these conversations is that both members will have to be ready, willing and able to have it.  There are skills needed to listen and not rebut, just listen.  There are methodologies many of us have taken in Leadership Training like "What I heard you say......".  It is difficult to have these conversations if you are conflict adverse and these conversations take time and should probably be done live or video conference so you can read the body language of the other person.

THEY SHOULD NOT BE DONE ON Facebook, email, text, social media OR probably in a group.  They should be 1-1.

In my work career I was trained as a mediator and coach, and it was amazing to watch the transformation during some of the sessions.  By identifying the needs of each person, by getting them to really listen to each other, by going as slowly as we needed to make sure the process was being followed, and by having a follow up plan for how each would honor the commitments made, magic happened.  I informally mediated other discussions at work between managers and direct reports, where getting them to listen to each other and resolve misperceptions drastically changed their future interactions.  Often times, I was just a coach in the conversation and would step back and just be a fly on the wall as the conversation continued.  I would say less than 5% of the time we failed.  There are failures and it was usually when people were not listening and/or not ready to have the real conversation

The day after the election, in Cuba, at lunch with a close friend we went at it after our first mojito.  We disagree on the Bernie/Hillary axis and this person pointed out to me "You never listen, you shut me down and talk over me."  This was like cold water in the face.  I teach this listening stuff to many managers.  Why can't I practice it as well?  It is because this issue is so passionate to me, I stop being rational and get so emotional that I shut everyone else and their opinions out.  Any one close to me recognize this Sally?

I am really glad my friend called me on my behavior, since we deescalated the conversation by avoiding it.  We could have used a 1-1, but not in the middle of the restaurant and not with anyone else around and not after a mojito.

I just invited two people to step up to the conversation with me.  You know who you are!  I am willing to have these conversations, ready to have them and occasionally when reminded to use the skills I teach to 100s of managers, able to have them.

BTW, this idea of conversations, listening to "opposites" was suggested/mentioned to be by another close friend here in Burlington.  I have thought a lot about it since I head this from him and it confirms what I know, good difficult conversations between two people ready, willing and able to have them will get us all as an organization/country/world to a better place.  Yes I am a pollyanna AND I have seen this magic happen, many times, right in front of my eyes.