Missing singing with our First Parish Lexington choir at Assisted Living

Twice when we lived in Lexington our choir visited Carleton-Willard, a continuing care facility in Bedford Ma, during the Christmas holidays.  Our accompanist worked there part time doing programming for them and invited his wife, our choir director, to bring us along to sing Christmas carols.

Clearly the residents loved Jeffrey and perked up when he spoke to them.  We sang in two common areas and mostly Christmas carols, although because we are Unitarian Universalist, I think we also sang a Hanukkah song or two.

While we were visiting the dementia unit, it was so fun to watch the residents sing along with us.  We had extra song packets and handed them out to some to encourage them to sing along with us.  One woman sang along with us, holding the music up side down.

Again, music is so important to our lives, and one can only hope that we tapped into holiday memories for them.  One couple we were singing with ran into a relative there, and another singer fondly remembered when her mother was alive.  In fact, some of the aides greeted her warmly, with hugs, and fond memories of her mother.

Since we have moved to Burlington, I miss these visits, which were a highlight of my holiday.  Need to find a way to go sing in some facilities up here.

Playing music for Hospice Patients Using Youtube

There is a lot of research that using music with hospice and dementia patients accesses a part of their memory and brains which is very powerful.  I always ask patients what music they like to listen to and try to include that in the playlist that I bring to visit them.

Clearly this changes with each person you visit, and I do have a few that I play for almost everyone like "Amazing Grace" and "To My Old Brown Earth".  I also include Unitarian Universalist Hymns when I am visiting people from our denomination.

Here is how I manage my Favorites Folder in Youtube:

1) Login into Youtube

2) Search for an Artist or a Song you like and think the patient might like

3) When you find an arrangement of a song that you like click on the icon second from the rightunder the video screen with the horizontal lines and + sign:

This screen will appear and you can either add to a current play list of the last option is "+ Create New playlist":

Music and visiting hospice patients

Four years ago, during the Holiday season, the Hospice Volunteer Coordinator asked the Hospice choir I sang with to sing at their annual service to acknowledge all those in their community who has passed away during the year.  We were all honored to be invited to sing at this powerful and heart warming service.

The service was held in their function room, and attended by the Hospice Social Worker, the Chaplain and the Bereavement Coordinator.  There were about 20 hospice patients who had been wheeled in to the room.  Some of them were very alert and participatory while others seemed to be totally withdrawn and even asleep.

Since it was the holidays and near Hanukkah one of the staff had included a traditional Jewish prayer in the order of service, to honor her own traditions.  She started to say the prayer and one of the individuals in a wheel chair, who up until that time had been "asleep" sat upright and said the prayer along with the Staff member.

The choir all noticed this and many of us left with lumps in our throats and tears in our eyes recognizing the power of prayer, and the power of rote learning.

This moment in time shifted forever how I view the patients I visit.  I never again assumed that because someone looked as if they were asleep, that they were actually asleep.  I spoke to them as I held their hand, as if they could hear me.  Many times, they squeezed my hand even though they might not open their eyes.

Hospice miracles of the season

One of the patients who I have been visiting for several months is usually sleeping.  She sometimes acknowledges me when I sit down.  For most of our sessions she is sleeping or resting.

Today when I arrived one of her sons was playing the harmonica for her, while continually holding her hand.  It was so precious.  After some of the songs, even though her eyes were still closed, she mouthed "Thanks for that song".  This was the first time I have met any of her family.  After he was done with his repertoire, I suggested some Christmas Carols, which he then launched into.

After one of these, she opened her eyes, and said "I really liked that song."

As he was about to leave, and while he was saying goodbye, she put her hands on either side of his face and spoke his name several times.  It was so touching.  Often you are not sure if patients even know you are there.  In fact, they are more aware of your presence than we know.

I pondered what it must be like to not remember a familiar face, and then to switch into knowing that person intimately.  I speculated that maybe she knew him for the harmonica music he played when she was younger and more alert.  For that split second she knew exactly who he was, and that he had just played beautiful music.

For 15 minutes after he had left, when she did open her eyes she called out his name.  I replied that he had just left but that while he was there he played some awesome music.

I left her listening to her Christian prayers, which obviously gave her lots of comfort.  She even felt her non existent rosary beads during one of the prayers.  Those traditions and rituals are very important reminders of faith, especially when parts of our memory have left us.

I think I saw several miracles during my visit today.

Being in the Moment

My second hospice visits happened today after I was cleared to resume visiting. Wednesday I went in to have my second TB test checked and it was positive. YIKES! I quickly got a chest X-ray which determined that I don't have TB. False positives are pretty common it turns out. I actually did not panic during the 24+ hours where it was not clear whether I had TB or not. After all, what help would worry do to the situation. I had TB or not.

In my first visit, I really connected with one person so I was looking forward to that visit. We had a wonderful half hour and she seemed to be tired so I left her. At this facility, they wheel the patients into the hall which is good since they interact with others and can see what is going on. It does make for a crowded hallway.

I then visited with the second person, which was my first visit with her. She was pretty out of it, so I held her hands and tried to make sense of what she was saying. It was not easy to understand her, so I let it be. She drifted off to sleep and I drifted away.

Neither person knew that outside was a beautiful sunny day. Maybe it is not important for them to know. In a way I leave that all outside when I enter the front door. The need to see the sun is my need not theirs' although I am still going to keep asking them.

I felt the most successful today, when I centered myself, eliminated any expectations, and met them where they were. The nurse for the first patient said, "That was a really good visit. She seemed to enjoy it.". That comment was icing on the cake.

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A Visit puts it all in perspective

Today was my first visit as a hospice volunteer. It was a glorious sunny day outside and the nursing home where I was visiting is one that is pretty quiet and relaxed. I feel like the training I attended helped me with what to expect and what to do.

I am visiting 3 individuals. Two were sleeping and one was awake and talkative. I asked the one who was awake whether she wanted to see the sun. Maybe next week! She was aware enough to know that the Celtics won last night. When I asked her what she likes to read she said People magazine so guess who is going to get caught up on People?

Later in the day, when I was buying myself a Starbucks for my birthday, and sitting at Starbucks, I realized that most of the individual's in the nursing home will never go to a Starbucks or a coffee shop again. Maybe they don't want to, but on my birthday I reflected on the differences between my visit, and what I chose to do for the rest of the day; bought myself lunch, browsed the Merimeko store, shopped for graduation presents and exchanged a gift at the mall.

I know that visiting them will give me much more than I will give them. I know that we will both enrich each others' lives. We will learn about each other and from each other. And, it will give me a new perspective on life and what I choose to do with it.


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