2012 Christmas Letter- Year in Review

2012 was a year where we were very consciously counting our blessings. You, our friends are many of them.

The first part of the year was a blur.  I do remember that we had a HUGE decision looming.  If Rod's job with Fidelity got moved to Raleigh-Durham, NC, would we move with it?  We both said, we can live anywhere for 2 years, so when the announcement was made in March, we were pretty gung-ho.  When Rod finally got his  paperwork, the deal to follow his job to NC was about the same as the deal to stay until September 2013, and then leave Fidelity with a nice retention bonus and severance package.  The latter is what he is doing.  The big project of 7 years was installed two weekends ago, and he will wrap up and transfer his knowledge of almost 25 years to others who are staying. He doesn't know what the future will hold after September next year but he's not yet comfortable using the word 'retirement' to describe it.

Rod in front of Fidelity NC - down 30 lbs

We spent a nice weekend in NC, at a beautiful resort, fed well by Fidelity and explored some housing.  We even attended the UU Church in Raleigh and liked the feel of that.  We count our blessings to have had options.

Early in the year Rodney got serious about his health and became a 5 day a week regular at the local 'Y' eventually getting up to about 20 miles a week on the treadmill there. His weight was down about 30 lbs by the time he blew his Achilles' tendon over the July 4th week because Sally was away and he felt he could push his limits. The Achilles is almost back in shape now and thankfully the ellipticals at the 'Y' allowed him to get my exercise fix and keep the weight down. Next year the plan is to drop another 30lbs. Our health is a significant blessing and Rodney is trying not to ignore that.

In June, for our 25th wedding anniversary (one of our biggest blessings) we traveled a few days early to our denomination's Annual General Assembly in Phoenix and went up to the Grand Canyon.  OMG, I will never forget the view as we walked around a bend in the path, of the immense view across the Canyon.  We had a nice visit there and did some sight seeing in Phoenix before our business meeting started. The Canyon and Sedona are places we will definitely visit more in the future.   We would NEVER live in Phoenix.  Too damn hot.  We attended a baseball game that was 86 degrees inside while it was 117 degrees outside.



That is the Colorado River

For Sally the  most impactful part of our meeting was a vigil attended by 3000 other Unitarian Universalists at night at Joe Arpaio's Tent City.  Google him if his name is not familiar.  We were warned that there would be counter protesters, who would legally be carrying guns, which with the recent elementary shooting, makes me even more nervous.  This theme of immigration rights flows through the year for Sally as she does her small little part to try to change our broken immigration policies. Rodney participated in a volunteer opportunity to help resident aliens prepare their application for Citizenship - something he was doing himself a few short years ago. In the end,  even though we had hundreds of people lined up for hours before the work began we had such an amazing response from the UU's at GA that we had more volunteers than were needed.

Sisters in DC

Family, represents so many of our blessings. A Sisters visit in September caused us to take a road trip to Philly and DC.  We stayed two blocks from the Capitol and walked a dozen miles each day seeing all the free museums along the mall.  We were impacted by the new memorials since we were in DC 19 years ago.  Where does the time go?  We had dinner one night with Sally's cousin Kit, who the Sisters had met two years prior at Chris and Meg's wedding.



NYC Girls Weekend

NYC visits were plentiful in the fall, with joys and sorrows celebrated.  A dear friend's memorial service was held in late September at All Souls Church.  Two weeks later we met in Brooklyn/Manhattan for Sister-in-Law Judy's BIG birthday.  Brother George surprised her with all of her three siblings and spouses.  The next week Sally had a Star girls weekend in NYC, and escaped the city by bus right before Hurricane Sandy arrived.

Life Size Settlers

Singing at Thanksgiving, words on ceiling

Visits to VT and Coniston are still frequent, and always include a family gathering.  In fact, we drive on Christmas day to Vermont where George and Judy are entertaining the entire family for dinner.  For Thanksgiving, Mike and Peg did the same at their house in VT.  Our lawn in Vermont was the second installation of a life size Settlers of Catan game.  With the help of fertilizer, the game board is permanently in the front lawn.



Two generations

Chamber Crew on Star with Amy

Other life events, Chris and Meg bought their first house in Essex Junction VT after living at our house in VT for 10 months.  They also traveled with George and Judy and Mom and Charlie to Alaska.  It was a very special three generation trip. 


Bethany started Divinity school part time, switched jobs to the Director of Social Action at the Concord MA UU church and she, her boy friend Bryan and Shakes the wondercat, moved into a cute third floor apartment in Watertown Square. 




Sally continues to fill her time with volunteer works, tutoring, hospice  and now immigrant rights.  She has done a little bit of paid work this year and will probably continue some executive coaching, when it can fit into her schedule.  She had two injuries this year.  Tripping up the patio steps in July caused a very dramatic knee injury and falling down the same steps in November broke her wrist.  She now has a piece of metal in her wrist holding her radial bone together.

Distant Cousin Linda who joined us on Star this year

She continues to serve on the Board of Star Island Corporation and traveled four times to the Island this year. 2 Board meetings and our regular week the second week of July.  A distant cousin, Linda, joined us on Star this year and it was great to reconnect.  In August, Sally worked as a volunteer on Star in the chamber crew with her friend Amy.  We make a mean hospital corner and boy can we bleach a toilet!  We were also at least 30 years older than the college ago kids who helped us to learn the job.  And the sunsets were magnificent.

This Rodney joined the board of Communities Without Borders which is the group who organised the trip he and Bethany took to Zambia in 2005. It now supports almost 1,000 children orphaned by the AIDS epidemic. If you want to see more go visit communitieswithoutborders.org to see what we do.

As we continue to count our own blessings our hearts go out to others less fortunate. This year mental health seems to have woven it's way into our lives. The psychotic who Rodney and others had to hold down for an hour on a boat ride out to Star Island, suicides of colleagues and friends family members, and of course the current horrors in Sandy Hook at the school a young adult friend of ours attended as a child.

Every year as we sit down to write our letter/blog post, there seems to be something happening in the world that is unfathomable and this year is no exception.  Newtown, Portland, Syria, Aurora, gun control to name a few.  We were happy with the Nov 6th results but realize that almost half of the voters in the US, were not happy.  Our hope and prayer for 2013 is to work together and be kind to each other. Our blessings are many, we hope yours will be also in 2013.



I wait for Santa and the arrival of the Oranges

Today's boxes

This time of year, there is a lot of waiting, patiently, for people to arrive and things to happen.  Almost since I left the family home, I have been receiving oranges from Florida at this time of year.  The boxes on the step are always a surprise though.  I did not know I was waiting for them, until I opened the door just now and saw this.

My grandmother always sent us a big box, and in fact, we store our Christmas decorations in those boxes, which are very strong BTW.  Living in New England, the arrival of citrus from Florida is so wonderful, and I feel like a queen until we make our way through that box.


Mom took over sending the box when Mama died in 1993, and I don't realize it but I am patiently awaiting their arrival.  It is a big part of our traditions this time of year, and I always remember Mama when they arrive.  The only senile thing she did was call Rodney, Roger.  One of our boxes came to Mr. and Mrs. Roger Lowe.  I loved her for this tiny flaw, and we still have the label on one of those older boxes.



Older boxes are from Mama

So as we proceed into the darkest time of the year, and continue to wait patiently for things to happen, we are blessed with sunshine and love of family, from Florida





Hospice miracles of the season

One of the patients who I have been visiting for several months is usually sleeping.  She sometimes acknowledges me when I sit down.  For most of our sessions she is sleeping or resting.

Today when I arrived one of her sons was playing the harmonica for her, while continually holding her hand.  It was so precious.  After some of the songs, even though her eyes were still closed, she mouthed "Thanks for that song".  This was the first time I have met any of her family.  After he was done with his repertoire, I suggested some Christmas Carols, which he then launched into.

After one of these, she opened her eyes, and said "I really liked that song."

As he was about to leave, and while he was saying goodbye, she put her hands on either side of his face and spoke his name several times.  It was so touching.  Often you are not sure if patients even know you are there.  In fact, they are more aware of your presence than we know.

I pondered what it must be like to not remember a familiar face, and then to switch into knowing that person intimately.  I speculated that maybe she knew him for the harmonica music he played when she was younger and more alert.  For that split second she knew exactly who he was, and that he had just played beautiful music.

For 15 minutes after he had left, when she did open her eyes she called out his name.  I replied that he had just left but that while he was there he played some awesome music.

I left her listening to her Christian prayers, which obviously gave her lots of comfort.  She even felt her non existent rosary beads during one of the prayers.  Those traditions and rituals are very important reminders of faith, especially when parts of our memory have left us.

I think I saw several miracles during my visit today.

Cannot quite process this latest shooting

I cannot quite process a shooting in a kindergarten class, and yet I have to watch the news for updates.  It is not the same at all, but this is the way I felt watching 911.  This is a different time, because when I logged into Facebook just now, many of my friends have commented about the shootings, and a dear friend used to live in this town.  Even though I am sitting at home alone, I feel connected to them as I process this latest horrible news.

I have to believe that we have two big issues here, gun control and mental health.  Gun control is legislative.  Mental Health is so complex.  There is so much we just don't know about the brain and what could cause anyone to shoot a kindergartner.

I wonder if the news media did not cover things like this 24/7, if there would be less of it?

For some people the only way to get your minute of fame is to do something like this.  I remember feeling that way when the attempt was made on Reagan's life.

My inclination is to grab my loved ones and crawl into a cave somewhere.  I am doing the next best thing by retreating to Vermont/Coniston with a lot of my family and friends for the weekend.

As Ellen DeGeneres says at the end of each show "Be kind to one another". 

Surgery update

Since I am "one-handed typing" this post will be lots of pictures.

I wore this bulky foam rectangle a lot in the last 2+ weeks.  It prevented me from really injuring myself right after surgery and was a comfortable place to lean the wrist.  BTW, the wine glass in this picture belongs to my daughter, not me, and we are watching the results of the election.  I was on Percocet, so wine would have been a really bad idea.

My surgery was on November 9th at a pretty quiet Lahey facility in Peabody, MA.  While in the waiting room, we noticed these cool monitors so that loved ones could watch the progress of the patient.  The smiley face means you can visit them.  Rod took pictures of my progress. 

 And here I am right before surgery listening very attentively to what is about to happen.

For those who have not heard yet, apparently I talked for 1.5 hours non-stop.  I had a nerve block and was still awake for the procedure.  Clearly the way I cope with things is to talk.  My surgeon said it was remarkable that someone could keep talking for that long.  I remember thinking, why not just keep talking it is a way to pass the time, I don't really care if anyone is listening and that was my natural reaction to being mildly sedated with a plate being inserted into my arm.

Wrist Injury-Using Dragon software finally

For those of you who don't know Monday I fell up our patio stairs and broke my wrist. I just move too fast. I come by this honestly since my mom is as impulsive as I am. She recently had an injury as well to her hand. The cast right now is a great reminder to just slow down but going forward I need other reminders. I need to not have my head in the clouds, I need to look down and watch for the potholes, I need to just not move so fast!

One idea I have is just have a padded spacesuit around me I wear at all times to protect me from my falls. I could carry my hiking sticks that I bought myself in July after a fall up the same stairs.

I am actually amazed that I reached the ripe middle age of 58 before I broke a bone. I guess I spoke too soon as I gloated and said I have never broken a bone. My wrist surgeon showed me the break and showed me where my radial bone is not holding the rest of the wrist bones on top of it correctly.

Friday I go in for plates and pins surgery. I am actually looking forward to the surgery since the pain I'm feeling is probably because the bones are not in alignment. I never take pain medication but Percocet is my friend right now. I know it is easy to get addicted to it but for now I look forward to that every six hours little white pill.

I am accident prone, I am clumsy and for now the cast is a reminder to slow down look down and maybe I will carry those hiking sticks. BTW I'm using voice recognition software for blogging and as an extrovert, you will now hear way more than you need to know about my life.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Grief revisited today

This collage sits on my desk of
Daddy as a little boy and a
family needlepoint

When I hear of another death it allows me to revisit the losses in my life.  Yesterday, through as email from a dear friend, we heard of a 20 year old who took his own life.  It stopped me in my tracks as I felt deeply for his family.  I wondered how it would be best to reach out to them and I plan to attend a wake or service when they happen.

17 years ago today, my world stopped as Daddy died suddenly.  A dark veil was dropped on me that day, and the veil will always be there.  It is thinner now, but it is always there. I will never forget that split second when my brother Charles, on the phone, told me that Daddy had died.  We knew earlier that he was in surgery for an aneurysm, and that his chances of living were slim, but there was always a bit of hope. 

My legs collapsed underneath me and a few minutes later, a friend handed me a glass of water.  I was at a youth retreat with Christopher, and the leaders conducted a service of grief for all the youth and leaders.  It was a perfect service to share our very recent grief, and to allow the others in the circle to share griefs they had never spoken aloud.

It was the exact place for Christopher and myself to be as we prepared to travel a few hours to my family home, and grieve deeply with my mother and siblings.  Rod and Bethany travelled the two hours from Lexington and picked us up and we drove to Brandon to arrive there in the wee hours of the next day.

The next week was a blur, of family and friends stopping by with bundt cakes, and burying Daddy in a family cemetery in New Haven VT.

Every November 4th, I stop and grieve, and today I also grieve for that young man who was in such despair that he could not go on living.

Hug your loved ones today, enjoy each connection you have today with another person who is dear to you.