Breakthrough - the name of my latest quilt

I tend to quilt for a variety of reasons.  However, in January of 2015, 19 months ago, I decided to do a block of the month quilt.  The company sends you the pattern on the first month and then monthly for 10 months you received a packet in the mail with the next month's fabric and more detailed instructions.  I was really good the first few months, or so I thought.  I finished the big part of the block, but there is piecing around each of those big blocks and I decided to wait until finishing future blocks to finish the small piecing.  This was going to be a huge challenge since I would have to be more precise than I normally am, and I would be learning a lot of new patterns, and the color arrangements would be a challenge.

In retrospect this was a big mistake but not really.  In the middle of the 10 months, life got ahead of us as we sold a house, downsized by 2/3 of our material goods, bought a condo, had a wedding, went to another wedding, had 5 English visitors, blah, blah, blah.  Life got ahead of us.

Of the 10 blocks, last December 4-9 were finished, but there were those pesky first 3 blocks unfinished.  I literally did not roll out my sewing machine from December until last week.  I was incredibly stuck on this project to the point where I could not even fathom working on another easier project.  It wasn't that I don't have a stash of fabric, or ideas of what I want to work on next.  Every time I opened the closet where my rolling sewing cart is, and thought about figuring out how to proceed I was flummoxed.  I probably tried 3-4 times to actually figure out how to proceed by laying out those pesky 3 first blocks.  Nada

Last week in a flash of "Oh heck how hard can this be just start somewhere and proceed, and BTW, it does not have to be perfect.  No one knows how the quilt is supposed to look in the end and when has that every bothered you anyway?"

At the same time I am working through some past trauma which is painful and predictable.  As I worked through some of the pesky issues of the quilt blocks, new insights about my past popped open.  One quilt block at a time I started placing them on the floor and sewing them together, and squinting and observing how I liked the layout.  A few times as I said "Close enough!" it felt good to move on.  A few times I looked and said "No way" and out came the seam ripper.

A few days of this with the quilt laid out on the floor, I am very close to the end of those pesky 3 blocks.  There is one section that remains in disarray.  I may have to settle on good enough for that section or I may put the quilt away again to approach at a later time. There is no deadline for this quilt, just like there is not a deadline for when I have to finish this examination of past traumas.

I can say that on both accounts, the unfinished quilt and dealing with the trauma, I feel so much better than one week ago.  As my brother George says "You have to go through it rather than walk around it!"  Literally I have to walk through the middle of the quilt laid out occupying one big area of our condo.