Myers Briggs J versus P emerges again

First Parish Lexington has a Day of Service this Saturday. Along with two others, I am leading a project making knitted dolls for a Zambian orphanage that our church supports. If it were up to me, I could leave it unstructured. "Show up sometime between 9-2 and knit, we will be there to help you knit".

Instead we have a sign up process, that has been going on for weeks. That is OK, but last week I started getting questions from the participants, "What time does it start, and what time should I be there?". After the second email I thought, "Jees, what time does it start?". I was pretty sure it was in a church newsletter somewhere and indeed it was, but I can not imagine asking that question a week in advance. The night before maybe.

Now, to the supplies we need for Saturday, yarn, needles, stuffing and darning needles. I have tons of needles and enough yarn to supply them with a 1000 dolls. I gave away stuffing that I could have used so better get that but it is only Wednesday so there is plenty of time. I envision myself at 10:30 pm on Friday night packing the bags we need of supplies, in a last minute burst of energy to be prepared for Saturday at 8:30. This would drive a J to drink, but for me it is a challenge. I can watch myself delaying tasks because it is too early to start on it.

Oh wait, I had better print out some instructions for everyone. How many have signed up? Jees, having that sign up sheet would be pretty helpful!

Oh well, I crack myself up laughing at myself.....

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Conflict handled differently

The way I handle conflict is to get it out in the open and deal with it live. I don't love the conversation in the middle of the conflict and I can definitely raise my voice and be irrational. I can also intimidate to try to get the other person to back down or retreat. Occasionally after I recognize these behaviors, I can summon up my conflict management skills and try to remain calm. I try to listen, and I try to understand the other person. I am in no way perfect BUT I do like the result of dealing with the conflict to gain a better understanding of the other person and to deepen our relationship. This in my experience is what happens in healthy conflict.

What I cannot handle is conflict that goes on forever. Because it keeps resurfacing when I thought we had resolved it, makes me wonder if it will ever be resolved. It also makes me wonder what else lies below the surface unresolved. I once asked someone to give me the whole list of complaints they had about my behavior because I did not want to have to wonder what else was on the list or how long the list was. Conflict takes an emotional toll and if the list keeps on going, I am not sure that I can handle the entire list.

I am aware that we all deal with conflict differently. I won't do it on email and will insist on face-to-face or a live phone call. I will also not enter or stay in conflict if the other person is not trying to resolve it, or does not have the skills or inclination to handle it in a healthy way.

I did wonder as I wrote this how many unresolved conflicts there are out there that involve me. My head exploded at the possibilities. This is not an invitation to air your dirty laundry or to list my behaviors that irritate you. It is an invitation to enter into a conversation to resolve an issue with the understanding that we handle conflict differently and that the conversation has to be productive for both of us.

The bottom line for me is that conflict has to be resolved in a healthy way, and once we agree it is resolved and over and that we are both OK, we are done with that one. I would love to contain it that neatly. Actually I am over the conflict at that point. I am OK, but sometimes the other person is not OK and this is the part that drives me crazy. Raising a conflict months later, that we agreed was resolved makes me wonder if I will ever be able to resolve conflict with that person.

I know that I have resolved conflict in a healthy way because some of those people are my best friends. I feel so warm about them because we resolved the conflict, and the next conflict conversation with them is fruitful because we have traction, experience and skills. In fact, there are less conflicts with that person because we know each other better.

This started as a rant and morphed into some self-awareness. What did I learn? I don't like revisiting when I thought we were done and I can be intimidating. Yes, little 'ole me. I don't feel intimidating, I feel feisty and powerful and strong. Some people receive that as intimidating, but honestly that is not always my intent. Although sometimes it is and that is the behavior I want to check, and modify.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Getting to the Airport Early Yadda Yadda Yadda

OK, so it is Monday morning, and a busy metropolitan airport, yadda yadda yadda.  This morning, I had a 9:10 am flight out of Dulles to Boston.  I slept at a hotel very near the airport, set the alarm for 6 am, made a cup of coffee and went to the lobby at 6:25.

I just missed the shuttle to the airport while the front desk person checked me out.  Again, I should not be panicking, since I left myself plenty of time.  He said there was another shuttle out there.  15 minutes later the shuttle arrived, yadda yadda yadda.

When I got to the Jet Blue kiosk, I do what I usually do in Boston and check a bag in.  Usually you proceed to the counter and check in the bag.  It usually takes less than 5 minutes.  It took me 30 minutes.  It would have been faster to go to the full service counter. yadda yadda yadda

I then proceeded to TSA.  I am fine once I get through TSA, where I can get my coffee and breakfast, and then get some walking exercise in.  We waited for one of the people movers for about 10 minutes and we were then moved to another screening area.  At that point they made another line for checking boarding pass and identification.  It took 45 minutes to get through that mess.  I must have just hit the time in the morning when everything starts taking much longer but don't they plan for Monday mornings, yadda yadda 

So leaving almost 3 hours from eyes open to take off should be plenty of time but not if almost everything takes much longer than you expect. 

If someone today got to the airport only 1 hour ahead of time they would have missed their flight for sure. 

This is why I get to the airport early, so if everything lands jelly side down, I can still make my flight and often I get my daily exercise in after the TSA screening before the flight.

Dulles Airport memories for 50 years

I have always had a fondness for Dulles Airport. Mama, my maternal grandmother, lived near there in McLean. Starting at a very early age, we visited Mama there. She took us to our first McDonalds restaurant, and as soon as Dulles opened, we visited there on our annual summer visit. We did not fly into Dulles in the early years.

This is What I remember as a child, how modern it was

The first visit, and my first view of Dulles, was that it's design was from very far into the future. The curve of the roof, the open hall and the people movers to take you out to your flight were all very revolutionary in 1962. Mama had a friend, Mary Boesche, who worked at Dulles. She always gave us the VIP tour when we were there. One nugget I took from Mary, is that she stopped at every water fountain to take a drink. I sometimes do this today and remember Mary's words of advice.

On Friday morning, as we were landing, I reflected that I have been coming to Dulles for 50 years, and deplaned to see the 50th anniversary posters.

The main terminal has changed a lot. It is no longer modern and is no longer standing alone in the middle of the landscape. The people movers don't seem used very much, whereas they used to be the only way to get to your plane. There are 3 separate terminal buildings now and tons of office parks, hotels, and other industry to support the airport.

I still carry that childhood memory. Mama asked us to get dressed up in a dress to go to Dulles, a la Mad Men. We take our tour and had lunch. Watching the singular terminal emerge as we drove over a small hill, is one of my most vivid childhood memories.

In later years when we visited Mama, she took us by Reston, the planned city near Dulles, and then the next visit there was a paid toll road to get there. Now it is no longer a unique airfield. It is an airport which has been retrofitted to comply to new regulations, and expanded to accommodate the volume and international flights.

I took some pictures of new things at Dulles. Features of flying that Mama might not understand if she were alive today. She died pre-911 TSA screening, and pre-smart phones needing an electrical charge,and pre-massages at the airport.

I will always have a fondness from a child's view point about the Dulles of 1962, and will put myself back there when I arrive and depart.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

8000 Georgetown Pike- there is still a 711 at Spring Hill Road!

On my way back to Dulles last night I visited memories of my childhood visiting my grandmother at 8000 Georgetown Pike in McLean VA. Mama lived there until she died in 1993, at which point the property was sold and developed.

I found my way there on the new super duper highways, and the old narrow winding "country" roads. The road is so windy around her old property that I would not be able to just pull over, and I also knew from a sibling, that it is now a gated community.

I really wanted to see any semblance of her house and swimming pool being still there. I did pull in and was going to take a picture of the gate, since her old property is down the small dirt road and over a small hill. A resident pulled in just then and looked at me like a vandal (or whoever else they are keeping out with the gate) so I pulled out with only a picture in my head of the gate. In a way it is good the gate was there because I had no chance of seeing something else on the footprint of her house and pool.

The road to her house has never been widened, and the 711 that we often visited is still on Spring Hill Road. The road west to Dulles is very much the same, and Bull Run Park, and the Madeira School look the same.

So I carry images of Mama's house and pool in my head and I don't need to go find 8000 Georgetown Pike again. It was a great trip down memory lane with ups and downs, and not just ones on the windy road.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Progress is slow, but there is progress

They have Visitor parking spots.  We were impressed

As part of our visit to the Research Triangle Park, NC this weekend, we visited UUFR. Tomorrow, is a vote in North Carolina to state that marriage is defined as between one man and one woman. The UU congregation had lots activities around defeating Amendment 1. Phone banks, rides to the polls, lawn signs and tee shirts worn by members of the congregation. It was interesting that the signs we saw and the newspaper articles were all against Amendment 1.


The Quilt for UU Fellowship of Raleigh as you enter the Sanctuary

Attending the UU Fellowship of Raleigh and being among that spirit brought many memories of almost a decade ago now, when we in Massachusetts were in the middle of this kind of social action. I am so proud of being a resident of Massachusetts and for the work we did to legalize gay marriage. Standing on the side of love, we were the first state to legalize gay marriage.
But, we still have work to do, as we witnessed on Sunday. The members of that congregation are so hopeful, but skeptical and are fighting an uphill battle tomorrow.

Hopefully our children's children will look back on this time, as we look back on the sixties and praise our efforts. I can envision a time when all people who love each other can legally marry, and when there is not discrimination based on sexual preference or identity.

Love is being sent to our fellow UU congregations in NC for tomorrow as we stand on the side of Love.

I am aware that not all readers of my blog will agree with my politics. We live in a country where differences of opinion can exist, and I am proud to be an American for that reason.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

It is Official, we are NOT moving

The last few months have been uncertain for sure, in that Rod's job was moved to Raleigh NC. This was officially announced the end of March. The rumors were swirling for a few months before that.

We spent this past weekend there on a "house hunting" trip which was lovely. Fidelity put us up in a 5-star hotel, fed us very well, had management staff present at receptions to schmooze with and encouraged us to take whatever time looking around that we needed.

The great part about this decision is that we do not have a BAD decision. We would be well compensated if we moved.  On the other hand, because of Rod's age and tenure, we will also be well compensated if he stays to the end of the project, September 2013.  At that point he leaves Fidelity after almost 25 years, with a very generous severance and retention bonus.

We always said we wanted to retire at 55. I loved my job so worked until 56.5 and Rod will be a similar age in 2013 when he leaves Fidelity.

Our interest was peaked as we both love an adventure, and that is how we viewed moving there for a couple of years. Financially it did not make sense to be disrupted. In the process of this decision, we realized that we have never had to prepare a house to sell. The thought of removing all of the clutter from this house was enough for me to stay here, but I would have done that if we had decided to move.

So, we will remain in our house, and stay with our community and my family, and we will search elsewhere for an adventure.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad