Missing singing with our First Parish Lexington choir at Assisted Living

Twice when we lived in Lexington our choir visited Carleton-Willard, a continuing care facility in Bedford Ma, during the Christmas holidays.  Our accompanist worked there part time doing programming for them and invited his wife, our choir director, to bring us along to sing Christmas carols.

Clearly the residents loved Jeffrey and perked up when he spoke to them.  We sang in two common areas and mostly Christmas carols, although because we are Unitarian Universalist, I think we also sang a Hanukkah song or two.

While we were visiting the dementia unit, it was so fun to watch the residents sing along with us.  We had extra song packets and handed them out to some to encourage them to sing along with us.  One woman sang along with us, holding the music up side down.

Again, music is so important to our lives, and one can only hope that we tapped into holiday memories for them.  One couple we were singing with ran into a relative there, and another singer fondly remembered when her mother was alive.  In fact, some of the aides greeted her warmly, with hugs, and fond memories of her mother.

Since we have moved to Burlington, I miss these visits, which were a highlight of my holiday.  Need to find a way to go sing in some facilities up here.

Playing music for Hospice Patients Using Youtube

There is a lot of research that using music with hospice and dementia patients accesses a part of their memory and brains which is very powerful.  I always ask patients what music they like to listen to and try to include that in the playlist that I bring to visit them.

Clearly this changes with each person you visit, and I do have a few that I play for almost everyone like "Amazing Grace" and "To My Old Brown Earth".  I also include Unitarian Universalist Hymns when I am visiting people from our denomination.

Here is how I manage my Favorites Folder in Youtube:

1) Login into Youtube

2) Search for an Artist or a Song you like and think the patient might like

3) When you find an arrangement of a song that you like click on the icon second from the rightunder the video screen with the horizontal lines and + sign:

This screen will appear and you can either add to a current play list of the last option is "+ Create New playlist":

Music and visiting hospice patients

Four years ago, during the Holiday season, the Hospice Volunteer Coordinator asked the Hospice choir I sang with to sing at their annual service to acknowledge all those in their community who has passed away during the year.  We were all honored to be invited to sing at this powerful and heart warming service.

The service was held in their function room, and attended by the Hospice Social Worker, the Chaplain and the Bereavement Coordinator.  There were about 20 hospice patients who had been wheeled in to the room.  Some of them were very alert and participatory while others seemed to be totally withdrawn and even asleep.

Since it was the holidays and near Hanukkah one of the staff had included a traditional Jewish prayer in the order of service, to honor her own traditions.  She started to say the prayer and one of the individuals in a wheel chair, who up until that time had been "asleep" sat upright and said the prayer along with the Staff member.

The choir all noticed this and many of us left with lumps in our throats and tears in our eyes recognizing the power of prayer, and the power of rote learning.

This moment in time shifted forever how I view the patients I visit.  I never again assumed that because someone looked as if they were asleep, that they were actually asleep.  I spoke to them as I held their hand, as if they could hear me.  Many times, they squeezed my hand even though they might not open their eyes.

Grove Collaborative - GOOD Customer Service

I complain a lot and blog about HORRIBLE customer service so I always like to balance it with a blog about GREAT customer service.

I clicked on a link in Facebook for Grove Collaborative and the deal seems too good to be true so I took their offer of some free things, trial period as a VIP customer and then would receive a recurring monthly order.  It is always a red flag to have a monthly recurring charge so my antenna were up.  They reassured me that I could cancel at any time.

For a few months when I got the reminders that an order would be on the way in a week, I went to the website and cancelled the things I did not want and shopped for a few things I did want.

After a few months, there was just not enough demand in our house for laundry detergent, or castile soap or pot scrubbers.  Don't get me wrong!  The quality of product they provided was excellent and and I actually have fallen in love with a few of their "cleaning" tools like this one.  We just don't need that much window washing liquid or anti-bacterial bathroom spray.  Now you know for sure that we are not keepers of a spic and pan house.  My attitude is that "It is just going to get dirty again".

I also like to be in control of shopping so having someone else tell me on a monthly schedule what I need rubbed me the wrong way.

Last week, the dish scrubber wasn't working right in that the dowel that attaches to the replaceable head seems to have broken off so the head rotates making it's usefulness diminish.  I read some reviews and this has happened to other customers, and they solved it by gluing it into the head.

I emailed their customer service 4 days ago.  3 days ago I got an email that they were very busy and would still get back to me (Sure they will the skeptic in me said).

2 days ago I got an email that they had credited my account $8.  WOW just WOW!

I know, I know, it will make me go back and use their website AND I want to use their website because they have a high quality product and are a fabulous company.

My other reasoning for not ordering from them is the whole Amazon effect that is causing local shops to go out of business.  If I can get the same laundry detergent from our City Market, why would I order from a distant company and waste all those resources in the shipping process and not support a local business.

So, I have $8 to use and will order from Grove Collaborative when I cannot find something locally and I will write posts like this when I find companies that offer STUPENDOUS, EXTRAORDINARY and GREAT customer service.

Planned Parenthood / Stopping to have the conversation

On my way back from yoga on Wednesday morning a woman stood outside a Planned Parenthood clinic in the block adjacent to our condo building, in a bright orange vest with the name tag "Volunteer Greeter".  I slowed down my stride and said "Thanks for being here."  She said back to me "Thanks for taking care of yourself and going to yoga."

Her response caused me to stop and have a conversation with her.  Instead of stopping to smell the roses I found myself stopping to have the conversation.  It might have been that the reading at yoga inspired me to Live in the Moment AND it was definitely that one of the value driven issues I put my energy is to make sure that women have choices about their bodies.  When I hear that someone might be defunding Planned Parenthood my inclination is to send them even more money.  I once told someone "abortion rights are one issue I would go to the mat for."

We talked for about 10 minutes about our experiences, about friends who had to have abortions before they were legal in the United States, about protesters outside this clinic, and we connected in a way that is how I define my theological development.  When I have conversations with people like this, that cause me to grow, and transform, and reaffirm my beliefs and values, then my spiritual development has happened.  It does not have to be inside a sanctuary or fellowship or church for this to happen.  It can happen outside a Planned Parenthood clinic.

I did not catch her name, but next Wednesday on my way back from yoga, if she is greeting people again, I will make sure to get her name and ask how to get on the list to volunteer.  I will stop and have the conversation.

Here is the Leonard Cohen quote my yoga teacher read on Wednesday and I apologize in advance if the swear word offends anyone (this is why I placed it at the bottom and not at the top):

Tired of so many catalogues? - Catalog Choice is what I have used for 10 years

This is my dashboard for Catalog Choice 😀💗🙏

I have blogged about this before AND I am still surprised at how many people are not aware of this website so here is my take on it.

Each year I challenge myself to become more green and energy conscious.  In 2007, I decided that the number of catalogues I was getting through the mail was outrageous and was a waste of resources.  I usually shop online and I don't need all of this colored paper.  Even today, when someone offers me print materials for something I say "No thanks, I will go look at it online."

In 2007,  I became aware of Catalog Choice and I started using it.  Immediately, or within a couple of months the number of catalogs decreased.  I keep a stack of catalogs next to my desk and periodically I go in and add them to my opt-out list.  I also check periodically to make sure the request to opt-out is honored.  A couple of companies are not on the Catalog Choice list, so if I have some free time, I actually call the company and ask to be taken off the mailing list and if I am in particular snarky mood I ask "How did you get my name?".

Just this morning I got a mailing from Whole Foods, and I don't want to keep receiving this, AND they are not on Catalog Choice so right after I push send on this blog post I am going to call them.

In the 10 years that I have been using Catalog Choice to opt-out I have only run into a half a dozen companies who are not on the list who I haver had to then call.

My two pet peeves for waste of resources are bottles of water and wasted print received through the mail.  I hope that my efforts on both of these fronts are having a positive result for our precious earth so that it is around for my grand children and in better shape than we received it.

How NOT to buy a LOTTO ticket

I have been following the story of Blue Paddle Bistro and their Dog Lotto ticket and the tickets go on sale today October 6th.  I actually have a TODO on my calendar to "Buy Lotto Ticket"

As I left at 8:30 to go buy a LOTTO ticket this morning, my dear husband asked "Do you know where to go buy one?"

With snark in my voice I said "Of course I do, Kerry's Kwik Stop down the street must sell them."

They are the closest to us so a 5 minute walk later and a scan of the store revealed that they DO NOT sell LOTTO tickets.

Googled "VT Lotto tickets" and found out that King Street Deli sells LOTTO.  Another 7 min walk later and a small wait in line.

"We do not have the new dog LOTTO ticket yet, but Hannafords sells a lot of tickets."

OK, now I need the car because I cannot walk miles to buy this damn ticket so 5 minutes later I am in the car.

Champlain Farms on Main Street MUST have the new tickets.  NOPE, they don't have them yet.

In rush hour traffic (rush hour for BTV) I drove 3 miles to Hannafords.  Waited in line again and asked the wonderful customer service person.

"Oh yes, in that machine over there, just make sure to only put what money you want in because it does not return change."

"How much are they?"

"2 dollars I think"

Good I have two 1-dollar bills, and after the machine rejected them a few times I was golden to buy a ticket

"Number 16" the wonderful customer service person said from behind her desk.

I pushed Number 16 and got a CAT LOTTO ticket not the Blue Paddle Dog LOTTO ticket I was trying to buy.  Everybody knows that I don't really like cats.  Stocking stuffer for a cat loving family member perhaps.  They have to sell out all the CAT tickets before the DOG ticket is in the machine.

How can you FAIL at buying the LOTTO  ticket you want 4 times in 30 minutes?

So, I won't be one of the first people to post a selfie of themselves with a Blue Paddle Dog LOTTO ticket, but now I have bought a LOTTO ticket which was not true before today.  A CAT one but nevertheless a LOTTO ticket.

Hiking Hadrian's Wall

Hiking Hadrian's Wall was not really on my bucket list, but some other friends proposed the idea and I went along with it.  I am not a big hiker and as I age and accumulate those nagging physical ailments I wondered if I would be able to complete the 5 days of hiking.

I bought hiking boots and did NOT break them in as everyone told me to.  I don't follow directions very well.  I wore them once, up the hill in Burlington VT but I don't think that counts as breaking them in.

Well, a few weeks after we completed our hiking I am here to say that I am thrilled to have taken on this challenge.  Part of my anxiety was not knowing what to expect from the hiking.  How hard would it be?  What does 13 miles of hiking feel like and look like?  Would my boots fit OR would I get blisters?  Would I hold up the group?  Would it rain for 5 days straight?  Would my waterproof be sufficient? yadda yadda yadda

OUCH, will I be able to stand and walk?

Each day was like a new book and it was like a slow wonderful novel that you cannot stop reading.  The views were amazing and the company was incredibly supportive. Even when my knee buckled and I did a somersault, coming down a pretty steep rock laden path, the other 7 hikers were there for me and attentive to my injury but not too attentive.  That day after my fall, I hiked 8 miles.  The knee was tight, but I kept going.  I got into a very zen like state and my mantra became "One foot in front of another"

I grew to love the turnstiles and cantilevered rock stairs.  I never got tired of whipping out my camera to take more pictures of the sheep.  The vistas were incredibly beautiful.  Each Bed and Breakfast we staying in was beautiful and perfect.  The best part of each day was taking off my muddy hiking boots and not discovering too many blisters.

My learning is that I will always have anxiety as I take on a new physical challenge but if I deprive myself of these opportunities I will miss the pictures of sheep and beautiful Roman Walls.  As I return to Vermont I am planning on pulling the hiking boots out and taking on some of the challenging hikes we have up here, but I think I will start with some easy ones and build up to more challenging ones.

I am so glad to check this trip off of my non-bucket list.

Zuzuisms and our week with her

Zuzu's parents gave us a wonderful gift by entrusting us with her for an entire week.  This was the second year in a  row that they followed their favorite band, Phish, to Mexico for a three night concert.  Golfing and swimming with the dolphins during the day.

Our friend Paul Brouillette who posts Joelisms on Facebook inspired me to write up a few Zuzuisms.  Paul's have caused me to spit my coffee out more than once, and I don't think any of these will be as funny as his.

Here are the Zuzuisms that I can remember from our recent visit.

On the first day, when we put Mabel, the dog we dog sat at the same time, into her crate until she did her business outside: "Granda you don't have to be mad you have to be brave"

Constantly during the movie that Granda took her to:  "Come on, really?" (I suspect that one of her parents says this all the time and my bets are that it is my son Chris)

We ran into our nephew Mike in City Market, our local coop.   There is another Mike living near who is my brother so to distinguish them:  "Mémère, you mean the New Uncle Mike, right?"

I spoiled her as a true grandmother should, and bought her 10 donut holes from Dunkin Donuts.  She promised to not eat any more, having quickly devoured 4 of them and 2 minutes late snuck under a table and had the container open.  Granda took it away from her and hid it.  For the next 2 hours until bedtime every 2 minutes "Where are my Dunkin' Donuts?  I need my Dunkin' Donuts?"  the last words before I left her that night "My Dunkin' Donuts better be right on the arm of the couch tomorrow morning.  Can you find them Granda?"  First thing the next morning before her eyes were even open "MY DUNKIN' DONUTS!  You found them Granda!"  She does not eat many sweets at home!

She was very sad about missing her parents and had been crying.  We got her to stop but in the saddest voice possible she said "I need something to wipe my tears"  We asked Granda if he had a magic hankie to wipe her tears and that was used for the next few nights or any other time she hurt herself and cried.  The hankie went home with her.  BTW Granda can always be counted on to have a magic hankie in his back pocket.

To anything she did not want to eat or do:  "No Fanks"  in a quick sassy way.  We were hoping that she would want to go to church with to which she replied "No Fanks"

This trip the food she asked for over and over was toast.  We even had to go shopping for more bread for Granda and then is was "Granda can I have some of your new bread for toast?"  Last year we could not supply her with enough oranges and this year it was toast.

We so enjoy these visits, AND we are outnumbered the minute she arrives.  She keeps us on our toes for sure.  I suppose that is the role of a grand child.

Two new Grandma Katie stockings in the extended family - three if you count Garrett's

It has been three years since there was a need for a Grandma Katie Christmas stocking.  I did not even realize that there are some unmet needs out there except my cousin Kit, who shares Grandma Katie, was visiting Vermont and the neuron fired.  Her daughter, the first of those first cousins,  just got married and her spouse might want one.  A few texts later Kit confirmed from Dusie, that yes, a stocking for Pete would be wonderful.  Unfortunately I mailed it in plenty of time but the USPS did not deliver it on time and Pete will have to use it in 2017 for the first time.  NEVER TRUST THE USPS and keep the receipt they give you so you can track your package (which I did not do).

In that conversation Judy (SIL) also expressed that she does not have one.  She has one that Mom knit her their first year of marriage, and has used that for 40 years, but it was not a Grandma Katie stocking.

It never occurred to me that she wanted one and as I wrote to her in the note for her stocking "All the important people in the world have two stockings, Crick, Me and now her".

So off I went to the yarn store, found the red green white and angora yarn for two stockings.  Honestly I love making them AND eventually my fingers will be too arthritic so someone in this next generation will have to learn the pattern.  We have two possibilities in the next generation and there will probably be a year in the future when there will be a need for 2-3 knitters as the next generation starts multiplying.

Another SIL is knitting her new son-in-law, Garrett, the stocking and found the exact pattern on Etsy.  WOW, just WOW.

I blogged about the stocking in 2007 when my nephew got his:  blog

UPDATE FROM 2018:  Here is the note Grandma Katie wrote me in the 1960s about my knitting.  I love her so much

On the Eve of Change - one on one conversations

Two days before an incredible change in our country along with a million other pundits I am contemplating the divisiveness in our country.  I read a friend's posting on Facebook just now and that person and I could not be in different places.  I suspect that I am on the verge of being blocked or unfriended by that person which I have already invited "friends" to do.   Sample from my Facebook posts are:

"If you don't like that I post 200 pictures of Zuzu every day please feel free to unfriend me"

"I realize that I might offend others with my shares, so unfriend me in that case.  I cannot stay silent"



When I post on Facebook I USUALLY go through a couple of filters:

1)  "Am I going to embarrass one of my kids with this?"  Honest Chris and Bethany, I do have this filter and it is my first one.

2)  "Have I already shared enough Rumi quotes today or this week, and am I beating a dead horse?"

3)  "Is this important, is this kind and is this necessary?"  OK this filter might not always include the "Is this kind?" but the other two trump the "Is this kind?"

4)  Occasionally I have a filter of "What would friends who are opposite to me politically think of this?"  This one does not stop me from posting but I do think about it.

This last filter is the topic of this post.  I do think that we need to listen to each other and as hard as it is I think we need to listen to those who are on the opposite end of the political spectrum from us.  These are the folks that we like to dismiss, make fun of, get angry with and in all other ways not listen to.  I don't think my Facebook posts are going to help at all with "opposites".  My good friend Gary Holmes wrote an excellent public post about this:

https://garyholmes76.wordpress.com/2016/02/26/the-2016-election-how-to-lose-friends-and-not-influence-people-on-facebook/

BTW, he is one of my friends who is very close to opposite to me and we have skirted around some conversations recently but not had the REAL conversation.    Ready to have it Gary?

A key component to these conversations is that both members will have to be ready, willing and able to have it.  There are skills needed to listen and not rebut, just listen.  There are methodologies many of us have taken in Leadership Training like "What I heard you say......".  It is difficult to have these conversations if you are conflict adverse and these conversations take time and should probably be done live or video conference so you can read the body language of the other person.

THEY SHOULD NOT BE DONE ON Facebook, email, text, social media OR probably in a group.  They should be 1-1.

In my work career I was trained as a mediator and coach, and it was amazing to watch the transformation during some of the sessions.  By identifying the needs of each person, by getting them to really listen to each other, by going as slowly as we needed to make sure the process was being followed, and by having a follow up plan for how each would honor the commitments made, magic happened.  I informally mediated other discussions at work between managers and direct reports, where getting them to listen to each other and resolve misperceptions drastically changed their future interactions.  Often times, I was just a coach in the conversation and would step back and just be a fly on the wall as the conversation continued.  I would say less than 5% of the time we failed.  There are failures and it was usually when people were not listening and/or not ready to have the real conversation

The day after the election, in Cuba, at lunch with a close friend we went at it after our first mojito.  We disagree on the Bernie/Hillary axis and this person pointed out to me "You never listen, you shut me down and talk over me."  This was like cold water in the face.  I teach this listening stuff to many managers.  Why can't I practice it as well?  It is because this issue is so passionate to me, I stop being rational and get so emotional that I shut everyone else and their opinions out.  Any one close to me recognize this Sally?

I am really glad my friend called me on my behavior, since we deescalated the conversation by avoiding it.  We could have used a 1-1, but not in the middle of the restaurant and not with anyone else around and not after a mojito.

I just invited two people to step up to the conversation with me.  You know who you are!  I am willing to have these conversations, ready to have them and occasionally when reminded to use the skills I teach to 100s of managers, able to have them.

BTW, this idea of conversations, listening to "opposites" was suggested/mentioned to be by another close friend here in Burlington.  I have thought a lot about it since I head this from him and it confirms what I know, good difficult conversations between two people ready, willing and able to have them will get us all as an organization/country/world to a better place.  Yes I am a pollyanna AND I have seen this magic happen, many times, right in front of my eyes.