Memories of another hurricane-Bonnie

As hurricane Irene bears down on us this weekend I can't help but relive another similar hurricane, Bonnie. It was the same time of year, and it also hit land in North Carolina.

My Mom and her husband Charlie organized a BIG family reunion on Bald Head Island in NC. It is a wonderful resort island off Cape Fear, where you drive around in a golf cart. Every rental house has a golf cart to use. The beach there is warm and beautiful and the golf course is to die for.

Most of both of our families were present, and it was the first time that we met most of them. Mom and Charlie rented some big houses, we all arrived, took the ferry to the island and we settled in. We ate communal meals and visited each other. We watched stars through Dan's wonderful telescope, played tennis and golf and in general, we played.

Mom had the foresight to know that Hurricane Bonnie might be a threat, so when we were evacuated mid-week, we moved en mass to the Hilton in Wilmington NC, where Mom had reserved enough rooms. Bethany and her cousins sang as we left on the ferry "My Bonnie lies over the Ocean, by Bonnie lies over the sea, . . . ."

The hotel was the one the TV newscasters stayed in. Just them and us in the hotel. We were even interviewed by one of the early morning news shows. They needed stories!

When we arrived at the Hilton, all the pool chairs were in the bottom of the pool. That is where they are stored during hurricanes. Pretty creative I think. We also received a letter from the management about the ability of the hotel to hold up during the hurricane. I do remember water pouring through the window seals during the worst part of the hurricane, and we stood just outside during the worst part leaning into the wind and being held upright by the force of the wind.

We did not let something like a hurricane interrupt our reunion. We carried on playing and eating and enjoying the combining of the two families.

I always remember Bonnie when I hear about a hurricane coming, but even more so this weekend as Irene bears down on us.

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You can kinda go home again

Last night some of my siblings gathered at Long Point on Lake Champlain with some distant cousins for a reunion. It was wonderful to reconnect and a walk down memory lane and a chance to meet their families.

From 1964-1976, our family spent summers on a 4 acre island off North Ferrisburg VT, Gardiners Island. The first summer we travelled from CO for the summer and the next summer we moved to VT permanently.

On Long Point there were three siblings, the distant cousins, who all had a "camp" on Long Point. These were the Ross, Patterson and Brooks families. Last night we gathered as many as could come, at one of the camps. I had not seen some of them for 35-40 years.

At first, we guessed who was who and which sibling was close in age to one of ours. I was called by my sister's name and thought one cousin was much younger than he was. We got oriented though, plunged into the lake for a pre-dinner swim, grilled our food, shared our dessert and jointly cleaned up the small kitchen. It was great.

As the sun set, we looked out at The Island and the view could have been 40 years ago. The same boat fishing, the same boat anchored, the same plunge into the wonderful lake water and shrieks of kids as they hit the water and the gorgeous Adirondack sunset.

Little has changed and lots has changed. As I climbed the curvy stairs of dark wood, it was 1964 again, in that the camp has not changed much. We have all had 40 years of Life to catch up on, of joys and sorrows. Parents and siblings have died and lots of children and spouses have been added.

If we still owned The Island, we would have stayed caught up. We all vowed at the end of the evening to get together more, and one cousin, who thirsts for family called me Sis at the end of the evening.

I am confident we will see them more. George, my brother, and Linda, one of the cousins have both moved to VT recently to be closer to family. Their desire and energy will reconnect us all, and even though we don't own The Island any more, we still are brought together by memories made years ago on Long Point.

I did go home again last night.


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When Offering Help be specific

I have been thinking about this a lot lately as I hear about news from people in our community who are experiencing difficulty in their lives.  I often want to reach out to them but don't know what to say or what to offer.  This topic of asking for help, offering help and receiving help is an interesting one.  In my conversations with people, some of us have trouble asking for help, while others have no problem at all with this.

I for one have trouble receiving help.  When someone offers help it often ends with me saying out loud or to myself "I can do that myself".  I think my daughter has inherited this from me.  The best example is that we only were able to show her once how to tie her shoes.  It might take her 30 minutes but she was going to tie them herself after that one demonstration.  We waited patiently or impatiently while she tied them, and she still is like that most of the time.  She is quite an independent adult.

Lately, when I offer help, rather than a generic "What do you need?", I try to guess what might be helpful.  Do you need me to get something for you?  Do you need me to watch your kid?  Do you want a copy of the daily newspaper?  etc.  They can always say" NO, I need you to do this", but it opens the conversation and allows them to think about what might be helpful.

I am trying to get better at receiving help from others, and asking for help when I need it.  I guess if I did NOT see it as a weakness or ineptitude it might be easier to ask for and receive help.  It is so easy for me to offer and so difficult to receive.  I am working on it, and in the meantime I try to be as specific as possible when I offer help to others.

Sally the Curmudgeon with respect to kids

For those who know me well, this may come as a surprise, but lately kids have really gotten on my nerves, and as I examine what is going on, it is really the caretakers that are the culprit. I don't mean infants. I will still hold any infant, any time of the day which in fact at Star Island this year I did, when the hovering grandmothers were looking the other way.

Two incidents have caused me to reflect on my attitude of being a curmudgeon. The first one was at our health club, where a teen class was occurring. The weights are set up in a circuit, and the intent is to start at one machine and follow the direction of the circuit so that you can flow through your use of the machines. The posted instructions even say that, "Start with the leg extension machine and end with the shoulder press". The instructor for this class was not following this rule and was in fact instructing her class participants to jump around. The way the class was working, I only had three machines left and it would have been 10 minutes before they were done with those three, since all three were rotating between those three and not continuing on the circuit. . . .
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OK Sally, Too many details, hard to follow here, so the bottom line is the instructor was not teaching them to be good citizens and follow the posted rules. When I pointed this out to her she was pretty miffed, and the teens were embarrassed. Embarrassing them was not my intent, I just wanted to finish my circuit, and I would have loved for the instructor to be teaching them etiquette as well as machine use.

The second incident occurred last week on the bike path. There was an introductory roller blade class, and they were strung out across the entire path. I knew they were beginners and I also knew when I said "On your left", that half would go left and half would go right. It was a good thing I was prepared for their movements. One of those fast bike racers would have flattened one of them. I stopped to say "You guys were taking up the entire path!" to which the teacher said "Oh, that is OK you guys." NO IT IS NOT OK. You should be teaching them bike path etiquette as well as roller blading.

I think we have swung too far away from "Children are to be seen and not heard." To "Children run the world!" I don't want to go back to "seen and not heard" but I would love them to be taught some etiquette.


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Carhenge, why not a Treadmillhenge?

OK, this is a bit silly but when we were in Alliance NE for my Uncle Chuck's memorial service, we took a 2.2 mile detour to see Carhenge.  Honestly, this is a major attraction and people drive from all over the Midwest to see it.  Murg was a bit miffed that we went there instead of the western wear store, and some in our car needed caffeine, and there are not many decent lattes in Alliance, BUT they do have Carhenge.

Driving with C and M and Murg yesterday, we saw a treadmill by the side of the road, and there also happens to be one on the back porch of Coniston.  All of us laughed that maybe we should have Treadmillhenge in South Hero.  Would it get by the zoning board do you think?  The sign of a real Vermonter is a dead car on the property, but what about treadmills?

Nobody is Going to Tell me What to Do

I am once again amazed at how we are hard wired, and how our personalities are pretty consistent throughout our lives.  I found this card while looking through a box of old memories.  It was sent to me by a good friend of my grand parents, probably when I was 13-14. It is true that as a child I had a strong personality and I guess that has not changed.

Even funnier is what she wrote inside the card.

For those who cannot read her hand writing it says: 

"Dear Sally:  Found this today and it reminded me of you and the fun we had last night so I thought I'd send it along and you could stick it in your mirror and think of me.  A deaconess who worked with me in the Chapel at Episcopal Eye Ear and Throat Hospital and the Wash. Hospital, once sent it to me years ago, so don't get stuck up and think you are the only stubborn gal.  Lots of love Ruth Dunlop"

Yes, I chuckled when I found this card and it now is pinned proudly beside the other card I have blogged about in a blog here.  So I am stubborn and an optimist, and stubbornly optimistic.  There are worse traits I could have.

Ducks in a Row

A few years ago, I simplified my rubber duckies in the bathroom and just left 4 small ones on the window sill in the bathroom. They have been there since. With my children grown at the time, they no longer played with them in the bath. Truth be told they had not played with them for decades but one can hold onto memories for a while. I could not get rid of all of them so kept these 4, well contained on the sill.

My friend, K was visiting and sheepishly came out of the bathroom and said "I don't mean to be cheeky, but you have all your ducks in a row." She probably did not say cheeky, but I heard cheeky.

For the rest of the day, during our conversations we used this expression with each other about our lives. In fact, at this point in time we both have our ducks in a row.

When you are raising kids, working full time, attending school and holding a household together it can feel like the ducks are scattered all across the ponds.

I miss the days of bath time with children in the bath tub with the rubber duckies. These remind me of that time, and they remind me of how wise K is. I will get more when the grandchildren come along.

I count my blessings that, yes "My ducks are in a row!"


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