There has to be a better experience than this

No one likes poor quality, however, sometimes what you have is worth dealing with versus changing when you don't know for sure that the new product or situation will be better.  As well, with time our expectations of service change based on what we have.  As an example, my first wordprocessor only saved 1/2 page in memory, and my Yahoo mail account used to have a storage limit.  I had to actually delete emails to get below the storage limit.  Same with my work email.  This would be unacceptable in today's email environment.

We bought Coniston, our house in Vermont in 2008.  It is in the boonies of Vermont and for a few months we went without Internet.  We quickly decided that we needed to add some technology to this paradise of quiet.

Rod did quite a bit of research including having one provider come visit the house for a microwave dish, but they could not find a signal.  We ended up with a local provider Wild Blue which provided up with a satellite dish and very very very very slow speed for browsing, reading mail, searching google, etc.  We stuck with it since this is not our primary residence, and for the last year we have been considering Fairpoint, a DSL through the existing phone line.  NO, we are not putting in a land line although for billing they had to give us an unworkable one.  Our last dozen visits we have used the hot spot on Rod's iPhone which was faster than the satellite dish.  This is just unbelievable that an iphone has faster connectivity than a huge dish.

We brought the Fairpoint wireless modem up with us last night and after one call to tech support, we installed the wireless modem.  Ipads, iphones and my Mac are all connected.  We do not even have to have a computer hard wired to the modem.

The difference in speed was unbelievable.  It is not painful to browse websites and check mail, and make casebook updates about the impending birth of our granddaughter.  We immediately got on the phone to cancel Wild Blue.  I do not want to pay one more cent to them for inferior service.  We have choices about what we use for service, but I feel like they are not being competitive and their prices is high for the service we get.

What I do not understand is why it took us so long.  We complained a lot about the speed.  When Chris and Meg lived here they installed Direct TV because of the slow speed and never updated iTunes or any other updates on their phones or iPad through the Internet.  They went to Starbucks for that.

The learning for me is to listen more quickly to that inner voice which says, "there has to be a better quality experience for me available for less cost".

I have had a similar experience with another professional lately.  I went to her for 3 years and after most visits and that amount of time, and that inner voice saying, "there has to be a better experience", I switched to a different professional.  The experience is 100 times better.  Again, why did I wait?  Inertia, loyalty, stupidity, lack of knowledge, comfort.

So Wild Blue, you lost us as a customer because you refused to upgrade the speed of the satellite dish.  Yes, we are in the boonies, but I am telling everyone I know about this experience, including this blog post, which might tell people I don't know.

All I want for Christmas is bags of trash to leave the house

About 10 years ago, as we examined our needs and desires for Christmas Rod said "All I want for Christmas is for bags of trash to leave the house."  Since then, whenever I am in a cleaning mood and walk through our front room on the way to the bin or with a bag on its way to a charity, I wish him Merry Christmas.  It is a silly thing, but it is still true, that we have very few material needs and what we need is simplicity, and pruning of material possessions.

Partly because Rod just retired and partly because of the time of year, we have spent the last two days getting lots of trash out of the house.  We are setting up my old sewing room as Rod's art studio and I am moving my fabric into the guest room built in wardrobe.  My sewing machine will be kept in a cupboard in the kitchen/living room, because this is where I sew.  It is sunny, I can watch TV and this is where people are.

In the process, I am packing all of Bethany's possessions into boxes and most of her stuff is now tucked into a closet in the guest room.  It feels so good for the three of us to clean out stuff and sort the house out.

Funny story, Bethany had a friend in grade school who came for a play date, and we were moving furniture from the front living room to the family room.  A month later, we decided we did not like it so we were moving it back.  Bethany had another play date with the same friend who said "Does your family always move furniture around?"  Well, I guess we do, I guess we are always changing things and trying to make our house work better.

So about 10 bags of clothes to Goodwill and trash have been packed up and the carrying through the front room is always accompanied by a "Merry Christmas!"  I guess we can have Christmas in July and every other month of the year if we want.

Latest Technology Challenge

After one week, I am still not sure about my new Macbook Air.  The first night was painful with lots of profanity and "What is happening?" and "Why would they do that?" and "Maybe I should have bought an IPad with a camera".

I know change is hard, in fact I teach change management but when it is happening to me it is different.  I am getting over some of the initial frustration and in fact like some of the features and functionality.

However, yesterday when my video camera did not work on two back to back calls, one Google Hangout and one Gotomeeting, I was irate.  Of course I naturally went to the internet for resolution and found out that with the new OS update, there is a problem with Macbook Air computers and Skype, Hangout and Gotomeeting.  However, there is no problem with Facetime and Photo Booth.

So, it is not a hardware problem, because the camera works.  It is a software problem, but Apple software or the other companies?  Apple apparently claims it is the other companies problem.  One solution is to use Time Machine, which is another Apple product, hmmmmm!

So, NO Apple I am not going to buy another piece of equipment, to backup my machine.  If I back up this machine it will be with Carbonite which has saved me three times this year when the desktop had to be reimaged from scratch.

Last night I was so mad I was going to the Apple store ASAP today.  This morning after sitting on it and doing some research, I am going to wait until the software people in which ever company have the problem, sort it out.

It is reported on enough forums as a problem, so hopefully by the time my next video meeting comes along it will be fixed.  I do have a solution that I can use for my Google Hangout calls, which is a workaround but will enable me to be seen on a video call.  This is after all, why I bought a new machine, so I can take part in video calls.  They are so much better when you can see the body language of the other participants.

My next challenge is to sort out my shard Contacts and try to eliminate the duplicates on my iPhone and get the phone numbers in contacts on my Macbook Air.  I have tried to solve this challenge before and have lived for years with duplicates.  Anyone have a suggestion on this challenge?

Trip to Maine to visit Susan and her family of dogs

There is nothing like an old friend, and visiting them to relive old memories and create new ones.  They knew you when you were still making silly life mistakes, were not quite as wise and old, and in some cases were wild and crazy.

I just returned from a quick trip to Maine to visit a friend who I have know since Chris was 3 months old, so 33.5 years.  She moved there 2 months ago from upstate NY where she has lived for a long time.   It was great to be in her house, see her dogs and to sit on couches in front of a wonderful view or marshes and the ocean.




There are a few people in my life who I really enjoy shopping with and she is one of them.  Otherwise I HATE shopping.  I bought a wonderful new shirt, some stocking stuffers, greeting cards and a present for my soon to be retired husband.  It was not just any shirt, it was one I have been looking for forever, but finally found what I want.  BTW, I did not know I was looking for this shirt until I found it.

One wonderful thing about Susan is her love of dogs.  She has two pugs and two labs.  I re-met the pugs last January when I visited her in Florida, but had not seen the labs for 5-6 years since I visited her old house in NY.  They energetically and warmly greet you as soon as you open the front door.  One of the pugs sat on my lap for a lot of the visit.

We walked twice on the beach with the labs.  I love to watch labs in the water.  Both of hers are pretty old so Susan does not want them to chase things except sticks and balls in the water while swimming.  Yesterday morning we walked at low tide out to some rocks which at high tide are not reachable.  It was not quite low tide so at times I did walk through 6 inches of water and my feet were pretty wet.  We reached the rocks, and some cairns that people built.  It was an amazing walk.

We ate a picnic this lunchtime on some rocks in Biddeford Pool, along with a seagull who sat watching us for a pretty long time.

It is really wonderful to know someone for this much of my adult life.  Susan knows a lot of my history, and remembers details that I don't.  I remember details that she does not remember.  There have been periods of time when we are not in contact, but with each visit we agree to make the time for each other.  We like to spend time together and I for one feel better about myself after a visit with her.  That to me is the definition of a good friend.

She is only 90 minutes away now, so I anticipate more frequent visits to see her, and the dogs and for walks on the beach.  I realized that life is too short to not make time for quick visits like this and for longer ones too.  We almost were on our way to NYC tomorrow for a quick trip but thought better of that.  Soon though, a trip to NYC!

Does everyone know about Freecycle?

I am in the process of getting rid of stuff that I don't need in the house any more and I don't want throw it away and have it end upin the land fill. I have felt that way for quite a while and one website that I just love is Freecycle.

I am actually shocked when people have not heard about this great Website. It takes a little bit of effort, but you pass things on to others who need them and the items leave your house.

I even helped a friend last year when she was moving. I took several car loads of stuff away from her house to mine, and got rid of most of it on Freecycle. First, I invited all of the neighborhood kids over to pick through it and then I put it on Freecycle. I believe that this is a local issue which is why we have tag sales and why I invited the neighborhood kids over first. Freecycle is local, since many towns/cities have their own group.

For the uninitiated, the way it works is you join a group and post items as OFFER, with a picture attached if you think that will help someone take it. People reply that they want it, you get to choose who gets it and you mark the item as TAKEN. Often, people reply within 5 minutes to my items so I monitor my email right after I post, so I can reply quickly and then take it "off the market".

I started using Freecycle for green and sustainability reasons. Now it is a game. Over the next month, I am going to post one item a day on average and feel better because my house is less cluttered. So far I have gotten rid of fireplace tools and screen, pet door and a box of CDs and tapes.

If you have not tried it, DO! If you already use Freecycle, what has been your experience?


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This is it - Thich Nhat Hanh

This quote was one of those we saw on Saturday at ABC carpeting in NYC. The exhibit was of calligraphy that Thich Nhat Hanh made of some of his quotes. In a corner of this huge busy store was a sanctuary of altars surrounding quotes hung on the wall. It was very simple and quiet. Our visit to the ABC Thich Nhat Hanh exhibit was initiated by Karen, who three of us visited for our third annual Star Island Girls weekend.

Each of us focused on a particular quote and the one I latched onto was "This is it". It is another way of saying live in the moment. We repeated it to each other in the remaining time together, at opportune times. It is very freeing and soothing to hear and say.

I have a few books written by him and will definitely open them soon after I get back from this weekend. Since he was in Boston this weekend, I missed him locally but maybe will make an effort to see him soon and at the very least open those books.

What I love is that meditation and stopping to absorb the impact of quotes like this are nearly mainstream. ABC had a lot of floor space dedicated to this exhibit, right off of the first floor! In the busyness of NYC we spent 30 minutes in quiet reflection and absorption. We were moved by whichever one struck us at that moment and on that day.

Mine for now is "This is it". It says it all for me today.
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Karen who we visited, reflecting.

A sad Passing yesterday - Mother Moffett

I hear more often of people dying the older I get, but hearing of Bette's death has really struck me deeply. She was such a unique person, and an incredible presence when she walked into the room.

I met Bette when her family bought our house in Brandon, Vermont. They had just moved back from Paris. Mom nicknamed her Mother Moffett. Her son Joe was my boyfriend during most of High School and into my first year of college. He died his senior year of high school, bunting a ball that hit his heart mid heart beat. His death was my first major loss.

After he died, Bette and I did a lot of things together to comfort each other. We saw movies and plays and kept each other company in our grief. When I left home permanently, she was always present when I came back to Brandon and we kept caught up during those times. She became a friend of mine in our shared grief.

Mostly I saw Bette and her husband Hugh, at the tennis courts on our property. Dad and Mom had wonderful parties down at the tennis courts and that group of friends watched over me from teen age years, into adulthood and motherhood. I saw Bette last at a funeral for another one of our family's friend.

I still have letters and cards she wrote to me. They are in the same box as all of the notes and letters that Joe wrote to me. As part of my grief process I am going to go read all of those letters. I tried to find a picture of her today, but could not find one. It is easier in the digital picture stage to store and have pictures. The memories I have of her are in my head and the sound of her voice is clearly stored in my mind.

Bette had one very peculiar behavior. When you talked to her, she never looked you in the eye, she looked at your shoulder and continue talking. It used to freak me out a bit, but later it was charming.

As I watch my parents generation pass away, I face my own mortality. It also allows me some time to revisit who I was in high school, who I was dating her son, and who I was in a small town in Vermont.

So, I imagine Dad and Bette and Hugh and Frank are having a mini-reunion tonight. They are catching each other up and laughing at old stories from the tennis court days. Hugh has his orange broom ball sneakers on, Dad is smoking a cigarette and listening to everyone, Frank is laughing as only Frank did, and Bette is staring at their shoulders and catching them up on Brandon news. If only I believed in Heaven it would be easier, but I do believe in Heaven for them to be able to have this reunion.

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Remember 12 years ago

Like many of us I will never forget where I was 12 years ago. It was a glorious sunny day and what happened at the World Trade Center was beyond understanding. It was prior to mass use of social media, so we logged into a desktop news channel to see what was happening.

I am trying not to judge, but I am struck as I watch the news this morning about what the news is as we approach the time when the first plane struck. I don't know whether to watch CNN or NBC because neither of them are talking about it yet, but promise a moment of silence. Grief is like that though, each year we get further away from our intense feelings of loss and we move on.

My first reaction was to connect with my family members. My Mom and Charlie were in Bermuda and George and Judy were in Europe and the rest were accounted for in the US. My immediate family were all accounted for. Bethany's school was not telling the children what had happened.

That evening we gathered at First Parish in Lexington and fortunately many others had come to this house of worship to try to process the days events.

I was in the middle of a quilt that I later named "Shattered Comfort" that is on the wall in George and Judy's bathroom. Quilting allowed me to listen to the news but not have to review those awful images again, and again and again.

Our company lost an employee and many friends living in Manhattan were incredibly impacted by this horror. Everyone we talked to knew someone in Manhattan or on a plane. It was too close for comfort, this attack on the World Trade Center.

Where are we 12 years later, Obama is faced with a horrible decision in Syria, home of more of our enemies. I am quilting the exact same quilt pattern that I was quilting 12 years ago. However, this title will not be the same, it will be "New Beginnings".

What I do every year on this date, at this time is review where I was 12 years ago and then allow the optimist in me to gradually pull myself out of that grief and focus on what is good in this world and in human nature and in humanity.

But first, that moment of silence..........

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Invisibility - none of us want this

My latest thinking of human behavior is oriented around being invisible. Some of us want to be invisible at times, but that is not what I am talking about in this post. That is a choice ones make. What I am talking about is when you are made to feel invisible.

I have often said that when someone acts up, they are afraid of something, My latest thinking is that often people act unusually when they are being ignored, dismissed or in another way made to feel invisible. This could be that they are not being listened to, or are talked over in a conversation.

Most frequently, it is in a meeting when they say something and someone else says the exact same thing 2 seconds later and get listened to or credited with the initial thought.

The behavior shows up as talking louder, physically inserting themselves further into the center of the conversation, or even saying, "What about me?" Extreme behaviors are passive aggressive behavior, or even lashing out at someone for no apparent reason.

How did I get to this thinking you ask? Because I have been observing myself and when I get irritated with others. It is usually because I am feeling invisible.

I recently ran an exercise for a board and asked them to think about a time when they were not listened to or felt invisible. It was very helpful, because for the rest of the 2 day board meeting we could refer to this ice breaking activity. I was struck by one response where someone said "I don't feel badly at all when I am not heard, listened to, or made to feel invisible." BS BTW. I think this person is just not as aware of themselves and their reactions.

These refined thoughts are in my tool box for now, ready to pull out for a coaching session, or interaction when I need to use them.

When do you feel invisible and not listened to, and how do you behave when you have that feeling? Just curious........


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But, I want it all

As Apple is releasing their new iphone and ipad today I am very confused. I was an early adopter so I have an iphone and ipad which are first generation. I am also a frugal yankee, so unless something is broken, I do not feel as if I should buy the newer model, and I could NEVER buy two things.

Recently, as I continue to adopt technology, I have been meeting with people on a video call. Neither of my old pieces of technology allow the video call. I can participate on my old and ipad with audio but not video.

Concurrent to this, I have been contemplating a new laptop and it WILL be an Apple product. I am eyeing the Mac Air. There are only a few things I still need a laptop for, but when I need it, I need it badly. Examples are emails older than my ipad will store, marking spam in my email inbox, typing long documents, some apps on the ipad have less functionality, tagging posts in my blog, etc.

So ideally, I want a new Iphone, Ipad and Mac Air. Santa? Can you hear me now? The frugal Sally steps forward and starts a pro and con list and a limitation of only buying one piece of hardware. I usually end up with the Mac Air as my choice.

Help me friends. What should I buy?


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Learning to free motion quilt through frustration

If I were like my husband I would not be as frustrated right now.  He once said that he does not golf because he wants to know how to play before he gets to the golf course.  I laughed quite a bit saying "How will you ever learn then if you won't go out until you know how to play?"  I am eating my words and fabric right now.

Over several years I have pursued learning how to free motion quilt.  I stipple quite adeptly, however, I want to refine my quilting skills and not just do the same easy stippling every time.

I took a class, I browse a website, observed others quilting, bought some tools to make it easier to quilt and I have a practice piece that I have been working on, that is not a real quilt, just a test piece.

So today, I took a REAL quilt, and started to do some of the new techniques that I have practiced, read about, and studied.  I thought I was ready to pursue a big quilt.  HA HA HA!  Wait, I need to go to this step in order to learn.

However in my endeavors, I have made every mistake possible.  I continued to quilt with a loose bobbin causing puckering, I quilted double layers of quilt for an entire star design and I am doing designs that are too complicated for the square I am putting them in.  This is how I learn, by making mistakes.  My most recent mistake is a rookie one but boy is it a big mistake and a big learning.  I have spent about an hour ripping it out.

Fortunately I did not start this project on a quilt that I really care about otherwise right now I would be in tears.  This quilt will be my sampler of learning free motion quilting.  That is what samplers are after all.  They are for practicing.  How will I ever learn how to better free motion quilt if I do not practice?  I could continue to send my quilts out to be quilted but I want to take my quilting skills to a new level and I know I will be happy with the results.  That does not mean I won't need my seam ripper or that this quilt will be given away.  No, it will be hung in my sewing room to remind me of my learning style.  Off I go to rip out some more......

Thinking of Writing a Book

I have thought a lot about writing a book lately. What would I write about though?

I can definitely write about my experiences coaching leaders in corporations. This would be the most obvious and logical idea. I have helped 100s of people be better leaders of their people and I have some skill/magic in that arena.

I could also write a book about the experience within First Parish of making quilted jackets. A warm and fuzzy community building book.

I could write a book about women in corporations, and taking their place among men. The foundation of this is a father who told me to get out and beat the boys at anything, because I could, and I did until they were a foot taller than me.

Th possibilities are endless, so I need to narrow down to one option. Maybe I will continue to write more frequently on my blog until an idea surfaces. In fact, content for the book is already in this blog somewhere.

This is such a different world in terms of technology. I am already writing, this blog as an example. I just need to keep writing here, tag them appropriately and then collect, edit and electronically publish the synthesized results.

Wait, if you got this far you are reading a chapter of my "book".

My thoughts have already changed just by putting them down here. Thanks for reading!


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It's not a terrible idea

We spent some time with Gary and Michelle on Tuesday, having been on Star Island with them at a Star Board retreat. We offered them a ride to the airport and we had a few hours to do some sightseeing before dropping them at Logan Airport.

While riding along in the car, and brainstorming, to one of Michelle's ideas, Gary said "That's not a terrible idea." I whipped my head around to see if my husband had replaced Gary in the back seat, because this same tenor of response is often his. All four of us repeated this at opportune times during the afternoon. Rod and I have repeated it 100 times in a week.

To Gary and Rod, every idea starts out terrible and after reflection might actually have some merit. Michelle and I love every idea until it proves to be terrible.

Rod claims that he would still say things like this but I have broken him of it with glares or looks of disgust.

So for translation and for the future conversation with Gary and Rod, a terrible idea is one with merit and is actually a good idea, or at least still in the hopper. As Michelle said, "Welcome to my world."

It is events like this that reinforce our differences, and help us to survive conversations by understanding ourself and others. We never stop learning about each other.




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