Christmas "Card" 2011

Friends and Family,

We missed our letter last year so here is a whirlwind travel through our two years.  When we last wrote our letter we were headed to Thailand to visit Bethany who was in the middle of a Comparative Religion and Culture Junior year abroad program.  Our ten days with her were wonderful.  Fortunately the three of us will never tire of visiting temples since we went to many of them in Chang Mai, Thailand and Siem Reap, Cambodia. Rodney still can't quite get over the whole Angkor Wat World Heritage site.

In January of 2010, Rodney joined our church choir, Sally followed him a few months later and they have been regular tenor and alto ever since.  In February we had two great adventures in Vermont.  We skated across a beautiful frozen lake for two miles to Knight Island and back as part of the Great Ice.  We were joined on this spectacular day, by George and Judy, who moved to Burlington Vt, December 2009, and our Lexington friends, the Svenson/Jas clan.  We also hosted the Coniston Winter Olympics complete with cross country skiing down our mound and a fox and geese game in the snow.

In April, we travelled to Vero Beach for a weekend visit with Mom and Charlie.  Mom and I discovered during this trip that we can carry on several conversations at once and know which one, the other one is in.  The men in our family, who cannot, were so patient with us that weekend and always, as we jumped from subject to subject, sometimes mid-sentence.

May took us to Bermuda on a cruise to celebrate 25 years of knowing each other.  We visited the Robin Hood Pub where we first met, and went to several beautiful beaches, all on the excellent bus/ferry system of Bermuda.  We really relaxed during our days at sea and did our laps of the deck for exercise, to work off some of the calories we were taking in at meals.

On our way to a wedding in California of some Star Island friends Bethany and I stopped off in Denver to visit a Theology school Bethany is considering applying to and we were able to get to know the city a little before we moved on to join Sally for a few days in San Francisco.

September brought us one of the happiest events of the last two years when Chris and Meg were married in a wonderful ceremony held in a large tent on our property in Vermont. The weather was perfect and the whole event was even better. All of Sally's family was able to attend including all of Chris's cousins which was amazing considering they are almost all away at college. Six of his English family were able to attend and it was the first time they had ever met some of his American relatives. A large group of Meg's Moore family with Sally's large Russell clan on top of a Lowe and Swartzbaugh contingent added up to a very good time had by all.

The most significant event in our lives for the whole two years was probably Sally's retirement in December 2010.  It was a hard decision to leave a great place to work, but a year later I am glad I made this decision. You can always find out what I am up to, including what I am up to in retirement by going to my blog, sally-alwaysaskingwhy.blogspot.com.

Another very significant event our lives was the graduation of Bethany from Global College in May this year and her return from Brooklyn saw the arrival of Shakes the wonder cat who she adopted because she though his neurological problems would hinder his adoption by anyone else. However he endears himself to everyone with his inability to behave like a cat physically while at the same time has the same 'world revolves around me' attitude of all cats

This year we took a trip to visit with Rod's English family, especially Olive and Winter our young grandnieces who we had yet to meet in person. It was a delight visiting them and the rest of the family many of whom hadn't been able to make it over for Chris and Meg's wedding. We also took the opportunity while on the way to the Northeast to take a couple of side-trips to visit American friends Andy, Miriam and Jake who had moved to Islington so we were introduced to a part of London we would not normally have seen. And we also we very happy to reconnect with friends Anne and David in Aylesbury who we are ashamed to say we had not seen in 15 years or more.

After a sad trip to Sally's Uncle Chuck's memorial service in Nebraska in June we agreed on the spot to return later in the year to catch up with as many of the Colorado cousins as we could. We kept that promise by returning in September and spent most of our time being hosted by Sally's cousin Nancy, who she had grown up with in Yampa, and husband Rex. We basically shadowed these beef ranchers as they did their daily work and we agreed that our lifestyles are about as far apart as it is possible to get. We were also really pleased to get to know Patrick, Sally's nephew a little better. His parents do the beef ranching and he does the crop farming. Having spent time with the military in Iraq he came back with all sorts of ideas about how to prevent turning his land into the same dustbowl he saw in the Middle East. Sally and I were captivated as we learned about how 'no-till' farming can improve the organic content of his soils and improve its moisture content. The trip was enhanced by a wonderful canoe  trip down the Niobrara River paddling alongside a swimming beaver, barely missing being trampled by a scared 4 point buck and taking an unexpected bath (Nancy and Rod’s canoe) after a disagreement with a downed tree.

We end the year in a very happy place and as always continue to count our blessings. One kid happily married and now living in Coniston, our Vermont home where we can still visit and stay in the loft whenever we want. Another kid launched with a nice job working as a legal assistant, while she applies to Theology schools, and living fairly close by so we see her regularly. Sally is happily retired and fills each day with friends, health and hobbies. Rodney is happy in his work and has found his artistic medium in charcoal and pastels.

Our Christmas wishes for a Happy New Year extend to you and your family, the economy and our government, and an ever present hope for world peace encouraged by the Arab Spring tempered by a power shift in North Korea. 

Where to find Holiday Spirit?

I don't have a long list of errands to run for the holiday season but I have a few so I ventured out today to knock off a few.  I ventured to the local LL Bean store and their shared parking lot was a "parking lot" in traffic commentator lingo.

I was not in a hurry so I spotted someone getting into their car, and pulled into that aisle with my correct blinker on waiting for his spot.  In the meantime another car pulled into the aisle and was going to pull into a spot opposite the one I was signaling for, which was about to be vacant. 

Boston drivers will not understand some of this post and I apologize in advance for that.

It would have made more sense for her to take the spot I had my eye on and for me to take hers, but I figured I had already committed and since I am not in a hurry I could wait for the gentleman to adjust his mirrors, put on his seat belt, count the money in his wallet, phone his wife and then turn the car on.  I was being patient though, honest I was.

The other driver stopped, and in hand signals asked me if I was pulling into the other spot.  Through a series of hand signals and I do not mean middle finger gestures, I assured her that I was waiting for the other spot and she pulled into the one that was vacant.   I jumped out and thanked her for checking with me to see if I wanted to pull into the vacant spot.

This whole experience surprised me, since my experience is that Boston drivers would cut you off for the parking spot, and never would they stop and check to see if you wanted the one they were about to pull into.  They might pull in and then ask you, but the point is moot then.

That was the first place I found Holiday spirit today.

The second place was Trader Joe's.  I was going to go to Market Basket where the prices are cheaper, but I had an errand at Trader Joe's so I bought my groceries there today.  ALL of the clerks were genuinely in a good mood and happy, unless they hire a lot of actors.  The aisles are wide and the place is clean and organized.  The check out person, when I presented my canvas bag and asked to try to fit it all in, helped me in my effort to put it all in so I did not have to take a paper or plastic bag.  He understood that by bringing my own bag I am doing what I can for the environment and we had a real conversation about that.  My experience at Market Basket and Stop and Shop is that they fight me and try to give me plastic bags when I bring my own.  "Are you sure you don't want this is a separate bag?" they ask me at Market Basket.  So the second gift I got today, was a 15 minute shopping adventure at Trader Joe's and genuinely happy workers.

These are silly and simple gifts, but they are gifts, and they are where I found the Holiday spirit today.

Holiday Workshop 2011 - an antidote

Our Church has an event early in December called the Holiday Workshop.  I documented it for other churches to use and it has it's own blog. Here is the history of it and some of the craft projects that have now been made for decades at this event.

This is by far my favorite inter-generational event at First Parish.  For three hours, I let go of the need to "buy" a perfect Christmas.  Over the years my need to buy has diminished to almost nothing, however, I know those advertising execs are really smart, and subliminally the commercialization is creeping into my mind.  The holiday workshop is an antidote to the Walmart and Kohls advertisements. 

Last Saturday, there was a new project making stained glass windows out of tissue paper.  I spent 2 hours there, making mine and then helping others make theirs.

It is so simple to put on a holiday workshop, little financial investment and the joy it brings to almost all participants is amazing.  The fire place has a warm fire, stories are read by the fire, cider and cookies are consumed and home made presents are assembled.  It is not about the gift but rather the time we spent helping each other, talking to each other, being with each other is warm community.

We talked last Saturday about having an event like this Quarterly, rather than once a year.  That is how much it means to participants.  They want more of this kind of activity.  It is absolutely the perfect way to enter the holiday season, contrary to what the designers of Black Friday advertising want me to believe.

I won't be defeated by technology

I refuse to be defeated by technology.  For a few weeks now, my iphone and ipad calendars have had something funky going on.  Funky is a technical term BTW.  Yesterday, I started getting alerts on my iphone and ipad which I had not been getting before.  New feature I thought.  Actually it turns out that another calendar account on the ipad and iphone were associated with another family member's calendar, and that calendar has alerts set up.  My calendar was not the default.  HMMMMM?  I had deleted and re-added my email account three weeks ago to try to fix the problem, and during that process the default calendar changed.

It was not really bothering me a lot, however, I knew that at some point I would have to resolve it.  Why today?  I had a few minutes and I was mildly frustrated with having to look at both iphone and ipad for calendar entries.  I was cruising along, comparing my desktop yahoo calendar with ipad and iphone and then . . .
BIG MISTAKE:  I deleted my account on the iphone with any calendar events which I had input there.  At first I was pretty peeved with myself, but being the quintessential Pollyanna, I knew I could recover from that.  I would have to find out what recent events I had input into just the iphone, e.g. hair dressing appointment in January.  I will have to "Think like Sally" to recover all of those.  (If I blow you off in the next few weeks, here is my apology in advance.)  Sorry.

I searched some Apple forums, and other people have had the same problem (sync between Yahoo calendar and Iphone) recently and it is not clear whether it is an Apple or Yahoo problem.  I don't care, I just want my ipad, iphone and desktop to reflect the same calendar, and for now they do.

On to the next problems of duplicated contacts on my iphone, which meekishly I tell you has gone on for months.  Better duplicated than deleted and gone forever.
Bottom line is I am willing to put up with inaccuracies for a bit, but sooner or later, I want that technical challenge and I jump in.  This explains why a prior career of mine was as a computer programmer.  I love finding bugs, and am convinced that I will always find it, or them. 
Today, Technology did not defeat me, and only briefly did I think it might.

Where have I been? NYC for a weekend

Wow, I just looked at the date of my last blog and it was exactly one month ago. Where have I been you might ask?, or maybe you don't ask!

Let's start with last weekend.

A few of my girlfriends from Star have plotted for a few years that we should meet in NYC at Karen's apartment. Miraculously the plan actually came to fruition and last weekend, four of us spent two wonderful days and nights together.

Bon and I took the bus from Alewife and were dropped off just three blocks from where Karen lives. Joni came from MD via Amtrak. Karen cooked a wonderful pasta dinner for us Friday night and we caught up.

Saturday morning, and it was pretty chilly, we set off on foot to explore Karen's neighborhood. We walked on the HighLine, which was a wonderful, explored the Chelsea Piers, and walked, A LOT.

Karen belongs to the Rubin Art Museum, which is art from the Himalyas. If you have not visited this museum, I would recommend it. We spent 1 hour with a guide in one quarter of one of their six floors. I will be back to visit. The cafe at the Rubin is a very good value, so plan a meal when you visit.

The only NYC touristy thing we did was visit Macy's. We almost lost Bonnie and again we only explored one half of one floor.

Mostly, we got to know Karen's neighborhood, walked a lot, laughed a lot and decided that this was the first annual visit. Karen agrees, although our venues in the future might include DC and Boston.

Joni left Sunday morning, and the three remaining took the Metro to Washington Square.  New Yorkers are probably familiar with the piano player there, but it was an eye opener for us and it served as our Sunday morning worship.

Karen took us to a Greenwich Village tradition, Cafe Reggio and then we left at 2pm to return to Boston,  Unfortunately the NYC marathon caused havoc to our route home. We actually went via NJ. There is nothing wrong with NJ, but I did not expect to visit it during our NYC weekend.

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Beyond my Expectations for Customer Service

As promised here is my blog post about my computer repair experience. 

We bought a new HP tower computer from Costco last November.  When we replaced it, the desktop was 11 years old.  Thursday night the monitor was not receiving input from the computer.

Monday morning, I called the Costco Concierge number.  I spent about 10 minutes on the phone as that technician debugged and then he called the HP technician.  This was on Columbus Day, BTW. 

I spent about 20 minutes on the phone with HP, and the whole time the Costco tech was still on the call.  They were going to have me ship the tower to HP and have a turn around of 14 days but I pushed back and said, "I would rather have a tech come and do it here."  "Oh, for $50, we can send a tech out."  This was the only bad part of my experience, why did they not suggest that solution first? 

At the end of the call, the Costco rep said he would set up a tickler to call me in a week to see if everything worked out OK.  I was delighted at their pro activity.

Monday after our call, they Fedexed the new mother board, it got here Tuesday at 11am and at 3:31 pm, a tech called to see he if could come over and install the new motherboard.  I watched very carefully and actually think I can do this next time.

So, from Monday morning at 9am until Tuesday afternoon at 4:30 was the length of this repair cycle, which included the Fedex from TX.

This is not my experience of computer repair in the past.  Although it has been 11 years since we bought a new desktop. 

In the past, I would have had to ship it, or take it in somewhere.  I had already looked on Yelp to see which computer repair places I might have to bring it to.

Have things really changed that much that this kind of service is routine?  I hope so.  Shout outs to Kevin at Costco, Ed (I think) at HP and the tech who installed it, Cuong P.  I am a very delighted user, again, of the HP tower computer. 

The iPad can do a lot but there are certain things, like reading a CD for the class I was teaching last night, that it just does not do.

Nebraska - 4 wheeling with my Cousin Nancy

This is a series of my impressions of our trip last week to visit Nancy, Rex and Pat on their ranch/farm in Nebraska

4 Wheeling Nancy asked me if I wanted to ride behind her on the 4 wheeler.  I was up for it.  Little did I know that she is a maniac on it and I soon became a maniac.  At first I felt like I was going to fall off and held around her middle.  After a while I just held onto two bars, and by the time we were at the cows, I had blisters on my hands from holding on.  I drove coming back, and she almost fell off once when I accelerated too quickly.

This means of transportation is how they check on their cows.  It saves a lot of wear and tear on the truck, and these machine go over everything.  I have new respect for the use of these 4 wheelers, or ATVs, I think is what we call them!

Nebraska - Dust and No Till Farming

This is a series of my impressions of our trip last week to visit Nancy, Rex and Pat on their ranch/farm in Nebraska

No Till Farming - While Pat served in Iraq he observed that Iraq used to be one of the most fertile parts of the world, and is now a desert.  His observation is that they do not take care of the soil, and make sure that enough organic matter is kept in the soil.  He has joined/and is very active, in a group which believe there is a way to rotate crops and leave parts of the stalks in the meadow in an effort to build more organic matter into the soil.  This is a long term vision and they have already had lots of success with their vision.  This winter, they will graze the cows on the meadows, which have stalks full of protein in them, rather than baling hay and feeding the cows that.  It seems to be a pretty complex matrix and rotation of crops.  Their statistics say they have already returned organic matter into the soil.  One of their neighbors who is skeptical of their methods said to Pat one of the days we were there "Your corn looks better than mine."  Pat smiled.

Dust - Apparently they just live with dust all the time.  Their ranch is on a gravel road and since there is very little rain, any time a vehicle travels down the road there is a cloud of dust.  At times, if you are following another vehicle you cannot see in front of you while driving.  A farmer, down their road is harvesting potatoes so there were quite a few trucks carrying potatoes to the Coop in town 11 miles away.  They commented each time, that since this year will be a bumper crop of corn, that the dust when all the farmers are harvesting will be overwhelming.  When we drove the horse trailer and pickup to doctor the calves, the saddles in that short trip had a pretty thick layer of dust already.

This was the sky as Pat was fixing the tractor

It is interesting that fields that are planted without the crop rotation they are using, have a lot more dust.  Their methods keep roots in the ground to hold the dirt down.  I have been back over a week, and I still smell dust!

Nebraska - Equipment Breaks

This is a series of my impressions of our trip last week to visit Nancy, Rex and Pat on their ranch/farm in Nebraska

Equipment breaks - A lot of their time is spend ferrying equipment, trouble shooting equipment, and repairing equipment.  Fortunately Pat is a very good mechanic and can repair most anything.

We arrived on Thursday and Pat was supposed to be planting at a leased field 20 miles north.  When we first got there he was repairing a fuel line on their big tractor, and had to wait for a Fedex shipment of a part at noon the next day.  Most of Friday was spent waiting for that piece and installing it.  On Saturday night when he was supposed to be finally planning he discovered a problem with the exhaust system and repaired that Saturday night and Sunday.

On Friday, Rex drove up a piece of equipment which had a flat tire on the way up, 3 miles from the field. He had been watching the tires but obviously took his eye off it for a few seconds and shredded the tire.  While Pat was repairing that tire, he also fixed another tire on a tractor they they borrowed from their landlord at this field.

Later that day Rex and Rod started to take another piece of equipment named the "Weeble Wobble".  It is so named because when you fill the container with seeds, it leans to one side and wobbles, but it does not fall down.  They ran out of gas only 5 miles into the trip and we took them a 5 gallon tank full of gas and before they could start it up, they needed brake fluid which we hurried to get before the store closed at 6pm. There seemed to be quite a bit of discussion as to whether this particular piece of equipment has a long term future in their process.

We did not see much planting because of these equipment problems, but I know they do plant a lot because the sunflowers we observed were absolutely beautiful. I am sure Pat is driving his tractor right now, as he plants his fall crops, fingers crossed the equipment is behaving.

Cousin Nancy and me, and Pat's sunflowers

These fields are beautiful

Sunflowers are supposed to face the ground so birds don't get to the seeds

Nebrasksa trip - Doctoring calves

This is a series of my impressions of our trip last week to visit Nancy, Rex and Pat on their ranch/farm in Nebraska

Doctoring cows - they have livestock in three separate meadows, all leased. None of the meadows are close to each other, but nothing in Nebraska is close to anything.  They check on the calves at least every third day and while we were there, during the checks they found some sick calves.  Usually they drive the 4-wheeler the 15 miles to the meadow, but since we were with them, they drove the truck.  Nancy showed us how to determine if a calf is sick.  Look at their eyes to make sure they are alert, look for mucus coming out of their noses, plus she probably looks at 1000 more things.  These were the two I could identify.  Since she has done this forever, she has a keen sense of the calves and their health.  All the calves and mothers have a tag in their ear, so we took note of the numbers of the sick ones.

We returned to the house and picked up the horse trailer, with 2 saddled horses.  They have developed a very efficient way to doctor the sick calves.  They park the horse trailer near a fence, and set up a corral to contain the mother and calf.   Once this is set up, Nancy and Rex set off to bring back the first pair.  Rod is very very very disappointed that I did not get a picture of him rounding up cows the second day.  They brought back 3 pairs, and Rod and his horse Doc were part of that roundup.

The mother ends of in the horse trailer and the calf is in a little pen.  In about 5 minutes they give them two injections, take their temperature and on to the next pair.  Their feeling is this is less stress on the calves. In our time there we doctored two meadows of calves for a total of 6 calves.  A rancher gets to know her/his cows very well to know whether they are OK or not, and to know when they needed doctoring.  There was lots of discussion about vaccinations, and whether they should have vaccinated them earlier to prevent these ones from getting sick.

The process seems to be continually improved.  They acknowledged that they are not Cowboys, like Nancy's brothers and nephews, but this system of doctoring calves works very well for them, and it did seem like very little stress on the calves.

Another shamelessly borrowed post from a Vermont friend from High School is my quote of the day now

Vermont is a state I love... I love Vermont because of her hills and valleys, her scenery and invigorating climate, but most of all, I love her because of her indomitable people. They are a race of pioneers who almost impoverished themselves for love of others. If ever the spirit of liberty should vanish from the rest of the Union, it could be restored by the generous share held by the people in this brave little State of Vermont." -- Calvin Coolidge, after the floods of 1927 - shamelessly borrowed from Sherry Russell's facebook post (no relation, but a friend from Otter Valley Union High School in Brandon Vt)

I found this post on Sherry Russell's Facebook just now.   Occasionally I find a post on Facebook that just HAS to become my quote of the day, which this one now is.  

I have been watching videos and seeing pictures of the flooding in Vermont for a week now.  We spent Hurricane Irene in South Hero Vermont, where there was a lot of wind and rain.  There was not the damage at our house, that we saw when we drove south on Monday morning from our house in VT.  

The Richmond exit was closed and the Park and Ride there had lots of cars under water.  The West Lebanon NH exit, where we usually stop was also closed.  It was not until I got home Monday morning, and saw some of the devastation in the pictures, including my hometown, Brandon, that I realized the severity of Hurricane Irene and it's impact on my home state.

Vermont is not NYC, so there was not the media blitz prior to Irene.  The impact of the water was probably not predictable prior to the hurricane. 

I read an article about the volunteer efforts in VT to get people food and clothing and I ordered a t-shirt from this company.  It was not until I saw this post on Facebook, though that I really identified as a Vermonter.  There is a history of strong Vermonters in my family, and at a time like this, I wish I could do something more than buy a t-shirt.  Maybe I could go up and volunteer . . . an extra pair of hands would be helpful. 

Memories of another hurricane-Bonnie

As hurricane Irene bears down on us this weekend I can't help but relive another similar hurricane, Bonnie. It was the same time of year, and it also hit land in North Carolina.

My Mom and her husband Charlie organized a BIG family reunion on Bald Head Island in NC. It is a wonderful resort island off Cape Fear, where you drive around in a golf cart. Every rental house has a golf cart to use. The beach there is warm and beautiful and the golf course is to die for.

Most of both of our families were present, and it was the first time that we met most of them. Mom and Charlie rented some big houses, we all arrived, took the ferry to the island and we settled in. We ate communal meals and visited each other. We watched stars through Dan's wonderful telescope, played tennis and golf and in general, we played.

Mom had the foresight to know that Hurricane Bonnie might be a threat, so when we were evacuated mid-week, we moved en mass to the Hilton in Wilmington NC, where Mom had reserved enough rooms. Bethany and her cousins sang as we left on the ferry "My Bonnie lies over the Ocean, by Bonnie lies over the sea, . . . ."

The hotel was the one the TV newscasters stayed in. Just them and us in the hotel. We were even interviewed by one of the early morning news shows. They needed stories!

When we arrived at the Hilton, all the pool chairs were in the bottom of the pool. That is where they are stored during hurricanes. Pretty creative I think. We also received a letter from the management about the ability of the hotel to hold up during the hurricane. I do remember water pouring through the window seals during the worst part of the hurricane, and we stood just outside during the worst part leaning into the wind and being held upright by the force of the wind.

We did not let something like a hurricane interrupt our reunion. We carried on playing and eating and enjoying the combining of the two families.

I always remember Bonnie when I hear about a hurricane coming, but even more so this weekend as Irene bears down on us.

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You can kinda go home again

Last night some of my siblings gathered at Long Point on Lake Champlain with some distant cousins for a reunion. It was wonderful to reconnect and a walk down memory lane and a chance to meet their families.

From 1964-1976, our family spent summers on a 4 acre island off North Ferrisburg VT, Gardiners Island. The first summer we travelled from CO for the summer and the next summer we moved to VT permanently.

On Long Point there were three siblings, the distant cousins, who all had a "camp" on Long Point. These were the Ross, Patterson and Brooks families. Last night we gathered as many as could come, at one of the camps. I had not seen some of them for 35-40 years.

At first, we guessed who was who and which sibling was close in age to one of ours. I was called by my sister's name and thought one cousin was much younger than he was. We got oriented though, plunged into the lake for a pre-dinner swim, grilled our food, shared our dessert and jointly cleaned up the small kitchen. It was great.

As the sun set, we looked out at The Island and the view could have been 40 years ago. The same boat fishing, the same boat anchored, the same plunge into the wonderful lake water and shrieks of kids as they hit the water and the gorgeous Adirondack sunset.

Little has changed and lots has changed. As I climbed the curvy stairs of dark wood, it was 1964 again, in that the camp has not changed much. We have all had 40 years of Life to catch up on, of joys and sorrows. Parents and siblings have died and lots of children and spouses have been added.

If we still owned The Island, we would have stayed caught up. We all vowed at the end of the evening to get together more, and one cousin, who thirsts for family called me Sis at the end of the evening.

I am confident we will see them more. George, my brother, and Linda, one of the cousins have both moved to VT recently to be closer to family. Their desire and energy will reconnect us all, and even though we don't own The Island any more, we still are brought together by memories made years ago on Long Point.

I did go home again last night.


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When Offering Help be specific

I have been thinking about this a lot lately as I hear about news from people in our community who are experiencing difficulty in their lives.  I often want to reach out to them but don't know what to say or what to offer.  This topic of asking for help, offering help and receiving help is an interesting one.  In my conversations with people, some of us have trouble asking for help, while others have no problem at all with this.

I for one have trouble receiving help.  When someone offers help it often ends with me saying out loud or to myself "I can do that myself".  I think my daughter has inherited this from me.  The best example is that we only were able to show her once how to tie her shoes.  It might take her 30 minutes but she was going to tie them herself after that one demonstration.  We waited patiently or impatiently while she tied them, and she still is like that most of the time.  She is quite an independent adult.

Lately, when I offer help, rather than a generic "What do you need?", I try to guess what might be helpful.  Do you need me to get something for you?  Do you need me to watch your kid?  Do you want a copy of the daily newspaper?  etc.  They can always say" NO, I need you to do this", but it opens the conversation and allows them to think about what might be helpful.

I am trying to get better at receiving help from others, and asking for help when I need it.  I guess if I did NOT see it as a weakness or ineptitude it might be easier to ask for and receive help.  It is so easy for me to offer and so difficult to receive.  I am working on it, and in the meantime I try to be as specific as possible when I offer help to others.

Sally the Curmudgeon with respect to kids

For those who know me well, this may come as a surprise, but lately kids have really gotten on my nerves, and as I examine what is going on, it is really the caretakers that are the culprit. I don't mean infants. I will still hold any infant, any time of the day which in fact at Star Island this year I did, when the hovering grandmothers were looking the other way.

Two incidents have caused me to reflect on my attitude of being a curmudgeon. The first one was at our health club, where a teen class was occurring. The weights are set up in a circuit, and the intent is to start at one machine and follow the direction of the circuit so that you can flow through your use of the machines. The posted instructions even say that, "Start with the leg extension machine and end with the shoulder press". The instructor for this class was not following this rule and was in fact instructing her class participants to jump around. The way the class was working, I only had three machines left and it would have been 10 minutes before they were done with those three, since all three were rotating between those three and not continuing on the circuit. . . .
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OK Sally, Too many details, hard to follow here, so the bottom line is the instructor was not teaching them to be good citizens and follow the posted rules. When I pointed this out to her she was pretty miffed, and the teens were embarrassed. Embarrassing them was not my intent, I just wanted to finish my circuit, and I would have loved for the instructor to be teaching them etiquette as well as machine use.

The second incident occurred last week on the bike path. There was an introductory roller blade class, and they were strung out across the entire path. I knew they were beginners and I also knew when I said "On your left", that half would go left and half would go right. It was a good thing I was prepared for their movements. One of those fast bike racers would have flattened one of them. I stopped to say "You guys were taking up the entire path!" to which the teacher said "Oh, that is OK you guys." NO IT IS NOT OK. You should be teaching them bike path etiquette as well as roller blading.

I think we have swung too far away from "Children are to be seen and not heard." To "Children run the world!" I don't want to go back to "seen and not heard" but I would love them to be taught some etiquette.


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Carhenge, why not a Treadmillhenge?

OK, this is a bit silly but when we were in Alliance NE for my Uncle Chuck's memorial service, we took a 2.2 mile detour to see Carhenge.  Honestly, this is a major attraction and people drive from all over the Midwest to see it.  Murg was a bit miffed that we went there instead of the western wear store, and some in our car needed caffeine, and there are not many decent lattes in Alliance, BUT they do have Carhenge.

Driving with C and M and Murg yesterday, we saw a treadmill by the side of the road, and there also happens to be one on the back porch of Coniston.  All of us laughed that maybe we should have Treadmillhenge in South Hero.  Would it get by the zoning board do you think?  The sign of a real Vermonter is a dead car on the property, but what about treadmills?

Nobody is Going to Tell me What to Do

I am once again amazed at how we are hard wired, and how our personalities are pretty consistent throughout our lives.  I found this card while looking through a box of old memories.  It was sent to me by a good friend of my grand parents, probably when I was 13-14. It is true that as a child I had a strong personality and I guess that has not changed.

Even funnier is what she wrote inside the card.

For those who cannot read her hand writing it says: 

"Dear Sally:  Found this today and it reminded me of you and the fun we had last night so I thought I'd send it along and you could stick it in your mirror and think of me.  A deaconess who worked with me in the Chapel at Episcopal Eye Ear and Throat Hospital and the Wash. Hospital, once sent it to me years ago, so don't get stuck up and think you are the only stubborn gal.  Lots of love Ruth Dunlop"

Yes, I chuckled when I found this card and it now is pinned proudly beside the other card I have blogged about in a blog here.  So I am stubborn and an optimist, and stubbornly optimistic.  There are worse traits I could have.

Ducks in a Row

A few years ago, I simplified my rubber duckies in the bathroom and just left 4 small ones on the window sill in the bathroom. They have been there since. With my children grown at the time, they no longer played with them in the bath. Truth be told they had not played with them for decades but one can hold onto memories for a while. I could not get rid of all of them so kept these 4, well contained on the sill.

My friend, K was visiting and sheepishly came out of the bathroom and said "I don't mean to be cheeky, but you have all your ducks in a row." She probably did not say cheeky, but I heard cheeky.

For the rest of the day, during our conversations we used this expression with each other about our lives. In fact, at this point in time we both have our ducks in a row.

When you are raising kids, working full time, attending school and holding a household together it can feel like the ducks are scattered all across the ponds.

I miss the days of bath time with children in the bath tub with the rubber duckies. These remind me of that time, and they remind me of how wise K is. I will get more when the grandchildren come along.

I count my blessings that, yes "My ducks are in a row!"


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Day 4 and 5 Painting the outside of the Infirmary

When I talked to the volunteer coordinator at the beginning of the week, about what my possible jobs might be, she mentioned painting. That would be fun, I thought. Why is it more fun to do things other places than your own house? Painting at home would be a chore, but painting a beloved building at Star would be fun.

In the first few meals during my volunteer work, I started eating with four other volunteers, Jeanie and Mike, their son Sam and his best friend Ben. Jeanie and Sam ended up on the paint crew. There was a very well intended older volunteer who taught us the "right" way to paint with many, many, many details. Often these details were too much too soon in the process. He also is an extreme perfectionist, and was much too thorough in the job. We ended up taking screen mesh out of the screens, and this was not part of the job. The Pel supervisor intervened during the next shift but not before the damage had been done.

A also talked non stop which gave me an insight as to how others might perceive me. A non stop talker that is, not giving too much details!

Jeanie and I hit it off wonderfully at our first paint shift and we continued to connect for the rest of the week about Star, quilting, parenting etc.

As an aside, for one evening and two afternoons, I ran Myers Briggs workshops for the Pels. Jeanie and her son Sam came to the second one, and her daughter, Sunny, who is a Pel came to one as well. We continued to talk and laugh about Myers Briggs for the rest of the week.

Jeanie took a picture of me painting the infirmary. Every time I return to Star I will walk by that wall and see the smooth strokes of my paint brush.

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Day 2 and 3 - Overcoming Fears

Days 2 and 3 of my volunteer week were interesting to say the least. The Pels have a volunteer coordinator who collects tasks from the various crews.

My first task was to wash the windows along the front of the hotel, the big wooden hotel, whose windows face the pier. They are exposed to the salt air 24/7. As all of their jobs, the Pels have engineered the window washing to be efficient and fun. They also consider resources when they do a job. Rather than using Windex, which apparently does not work with the sea air, they use a couple of squirts of soap and a squeegee. After a few windows a very helpful Pel brought me some sheets of newspaper. This is used to wipe off any of the streaks. Brilliant!! Don't tell Rod that I now do windows though.

While washing the windows, often on a step ladder, I became acquainted with thousands of spiders. BIG GIANT spiders. The first few I backed away from but after a while they became my friend. Except for the poisonous ones, they are pretty harmless, and they do survive by trapping other insects. A Pel went to great extremes to get a spider out of the hotel onto the porch without killing it. This was when I realized I had overcome one fear, or at least lessened it.

My fear of heights also presented itself as I climbed the step ladder to wash the top windows. Again, with each subsequent climb, the knot in my stomach subsided and I was climbing the ladder like a champ.

Day 3 I cleaned all of the glass mantles in the chandeliers in the lobby of the hotel. I had a taller ladder this time, but since I was almost over the fear of heights, it was no problem at all.

I have two fears left, mice and snakes. Mice I think I can overcome, but honestly, snakes are never going to get crossed off the list of fears.
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Day 1 - Volunteering on Star - Chamber

Usually after a week, on Star Island, I have to leave. Saturday morning comes and with tears in my eyes I crawl onto the Thomas Leighton and depart. This year however, since our Star Island Corporation Board retreat will be only 5 days from the end of our conference, I decided to stay and volunteer on the Island for the 5 days in between our conference and the start of the retreat.

Change over day is the busiest day of the week for the Pelicans / aka Pels (the college age youth who work on the Island). I have new appreciation for how hard they work during this day and the extent they go to, ensuring that the Island is ready for the next boat of 260 conferees.

I was assigned to the third floor of Oceanic along with 3 others. From 8:30 am until 3:30 pm, we worked on this one floor. Every bureau and every bed side table made of wood was cleaned with Murphy's Soap, including the inside of the drawers. Beds were made with proper hospital corners (Thanks Mom for teaching me how to make those). The Chamber Pel described how to place the towels, the soap dish, the trash cans and the extra blanket. All are placed consistently in the rooms, to project the image of simplicity and cleanliness.

We took three breaks, where the supervisor checked in with all of us and how we were doing. We did jumping jacks and screamed as loud as we could at the end of our quick meetings.

We were just one very small cog in the wheel of change over, and as I said I have new appreciation for how hard our young adults work to welcome us to our/their Island.

I was exhausted at the end of the day, and since this was not my conference I went to bed early and slept like a log. I have sore muscles from my day on chamber change over that I have not felt for years.

I looked with a new eye at my room when I checked in and inspected the hospital corner and placement of the soap dish.

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4th of July past and present

My concrete memories of the 4th started in VT when I was 10, and we "drove east" to spend the summer on Gardiner Island on Lake Champlain. We moved permanently to VT the next summer. Obviously there were celebrations in Colorado and a picture taken of snow on July 4th in Yampa Colorado, where our ranch was at 8000 feet in the Rockies, but the solid ones were after 10 years of age.

We owned the Island with my Dad's parents and his sister's family and we owned it for about 12 years. Many summer memories were made there.

Daddy LOVED fireworks! We once asked him what his favorite holiday was and he said, "July 4th!"

"More than Thanksgiving?"

"Yup!"

"More than Christmas?"

"Yup!"

"More than your birthday, or father's day?"

"Yup, yup!"

The week before the 4th, Daddy would drive the station wagon over to Jaffrey NH, from the Island, and pick up his order of fireworks. One of us would accompany him. As a kid, I remember the entire back of the car being filled with fireworks. We loaded up the Katy Budgy, our wooden boat that was our transportation to the Island, and moved the stash of fireworks, to the flag pole near the outside grill on the Island. I think they were covered with a tarp until dusk on the 4th.

As dusk was approaching the "army" or in our naval family, the "navy" of kids were put to work. I remember one year my job was to stamp out the embers with a broom, while watching the explosions overhead.

Boats on the Lake started to hear about the Gardiner Island fireworks, and many would come and anchor, and watch them, tooting their horns at the end. Friends and acquaintances from the mainland would write thank you letters for the firework display. My grandfather was an Admiral in the navy, so many letters started with, "Dear Admiral Russell". Daddy did not seem to care that his Dad got the credit. He just loved fireworks, and loved setting them off for others to enjoy.

As I stood with my family watching the fireworks tonight a tear crept into my eye for Daddy. He would have loved the fireworks, and our family games, and the round of golf, and the grilled hamburgers and hot dogs. July 4th is one of my favorite holidays too. It is about summer, and family and food, and games and the wonderment of a fireworks display.

A few of us tonight said as we stood and watched, "it does not get much better than this". It doesn't!


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My thumb injuries and firing my Primary Care Doctor

Wow, how did I forget to let the world know via this blog and FB about my thumb injuries? It could be that this past 2 months have been a flurry of activity. It could be that medical sharing might sound like complaining and who cares anyway?

Two caring individuals (you know who you are) noticed by thumb brace in recently posted FB pictures and asked about the thumb. Multiple people at GA asked me about it.  Here is the update.

In early May, I went to my primary care for painful thumb and tingling in my left leg.

HOLD ON, I must go on this tangent!  She made me wait for 60 minutes. I read 30 magazines in that time, and no one came in to update me.  I was fuming by the time she came in the observation room and yes I did address it with her because she ALWAYS makes me wait at least 30 minutes. I am in the process of firing her for someone who values my time, and at the very least has someone give me updates about the wait time. I understand in our health care situation that PCPs are overworked and only have 15 minutes to try to listen to their patients.  However, I am also firing her because she does not listen to me. I told her I had two things to talk to her about. Gave her the headlines, 1) sore thumb and 2) tingly feeling in my leg.  She failed to talk to me about the tingling in my leg and honestly, I think this is the more worrisome problem. I am seeing a neurologist on Tuesday about that.  I had to say "what about the leg?" as she rose to exit. Obviously the fact that I stood up for myself got her a bit flustered, and her 15 minutes had ended, and she was an hour late already.

I digress! Her diagnosis is that I have arthritis in two of my thumb joints and I have an inflamed tendon which sounds worse by it's official name, De Quervain's tenosynovitis. I left with 4 pages of exercises, and a prescription for PT, after she threatened to go straight to a cortisone shot.  Without trying something else first? My exact words were "We don't do shots without trying other things first!". BTW, I was using the Royal We in case that was not obvious.

She was not going to give me the PT prescription, but I asked if I could have it, just in case the exercises did not work.  She had already said "These probably won't work".  Reasonable request for the PT prescription, and not have to come back to the office?

This post did not start out as a rant, but has become that.  Thanks to all who have asked about the thumb, including perfect strangers at GA and to the two caring individuals on FB who noticed.  Updates to follow. 

Anybody want to help me solve world hunger, right after we improve the medical situation in this country?

Don't go to the noise, let it come to you

A few weeks ago, during a yoga class, there was a screaming baby just outside for the entire 90 minutes. I complained to the YMCA, and they made efforts to resolve the issue.

When I talked to my teacher about it, she explained an attitude and technique that is wonderful, and that I have used several times since.

Briefly it is, rather than "going" to the noise, let it come to you, and then figure out what to do with it. When there are noises during yoga now, I have tried this and it really works. I don't want to go out and tell them to be quiet anymore, I just move on.

This is a big one! When Murg/Rod snores now, I imagine that the sounds are like a wave flowing over me, and I fall asleep rather than get irritated. Ask him! I have not poked him to stop snoring in 3 weeks.

Yesterday during our business meeting of the Unitarian Universalist Association, a group of church members put up flags so their members could find the seats and so they could all sit together. The flags were in my direct line of sight to the stage. Should I move? Should I ask them to lower them? Instead they became a frame for me to look through, and assuming positive intent, I was no longer irritated with these perfect strangers.

I obviously won't catch myself and reframe my attitude every time, but so far this is working for me. Don't go to the noise, let it come to you!

New quote of the day - "Sure of you"

"Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind. "Pooh?" he whispered.
"Yes, Piglet?"
"Nothing," said Piglet, taking Pooh's hand. "I just wanted to be sure of you."
— A.A. Milne (Winnie-the-Pooh)

The above quote is the basis for the sermon that was delivered at our final service this past Sunday. The quote and the resulting sermon were both brilliant. It will now become my quote of the day moving my current quote to the archived quote of the day.

For many of us in the congregation, the quote and the sermon were perfect, since this week we lost two members of our congregation.

One young woman was in the very first junior high youth group that Rod and I led in 1995. We found a picture of that very first youth group. With them we started a tradition of taking two pictures. A smiling one for their parents, and a second one of them making a funny face. Her face in the second one making a "wonderful" face, when I first saw it this week, was a stark realization of how precious life is. She was just shy of 29 when she died.

The second death was a member of of our covenant group. He exited the subway on 911, just in time to see the second tower fall, and walked back injured to his house in Brooklyn. He has struggled for the last year with sarcoidosis and has been in a hospital or nursing home for over a year. He actually became quite an advocate for sarcoidosis rights which was caused by living in NYC during 911, and the following months. The covenant group process really allows you to get to know someone in a very deep way. I knew Drew as a member of our group and will miss his empty chair at our next meetings. Even though he could not be at our meetings for the last year, we were "sure of you". We knew he was thinking of us during our meetings. We started a practice recently of imagining what missing members are doing during our meetings as a way of honoring them during our meetings.

With the recent loss of Uncle Chuck, and now these two losses, I am sure that my congregation is there for me and me for them. I am sure that my mother, siblings, aunt, cousins, children, nieces, and nephews are there for me. I always say that I was not sure why I joined First Parish until Daddy died, shortly after we joined. Knowing me almost not at all, the congregation enveloped me and gave me support on the worst day of my life so far. They held me in ways I did not know how to ask for.

Now I will say, when I really need to know someone is there, "I just wanted to be sure of you".

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Darn, another reason to get my head out of the clouds

Two days last week I had a flat tire on two sequential bike rides. I don't ever remember having a flat while I was riding a bike. I have had a flat when I was getting it ready for a ride, but not while riding.

The technician discovered glass shards embedded in the treads of the tire, hence the two flats. BTW, Bikeway Source in Bedford MA has excellent customer service. Both times they fixed it on the spot, and tightened my front tire as well. They also showed me how to put the tire on correctly, so it was tight enough, avoiding another potential accident (previous post on my bike accidents to date). And most importantly, they did not make me feel stupid.

On my first ride after the bike was fixed, I kept my eyes totally on the path in front of me to spot more shards of glass. Where did I pick them up? Are the other just waiting to jump into my tires? You might say for that I rode very tentatively, and in fact did not go near the area where I might have picked up the glass. 
Also recently I have tripped and fallen several times, as have relatives of mine. The sympathy I get from loved ones is "Slow down", "Look down", "Watch for pennies on the ground", etc. I actually found four coins the first day I tried that technique and just missed a twenty dollar bill on the bike path yesterday. Someone else beat me to it by seconds.

I should look where I am going, but I am always dreaming, always talking, and my head is always in the clouds. If I want to avoid glass on the tires, and if I want to not trip, I need to be looking down more. I am not a cautious person, but the older I get and the more falls I have, the more I am learning to be cautious, and look for those coins and bills as a technique and reward.  This does not mean I will have no accidents, falls or flat tires.  Just less hopefully.  Look up occasionally to see be on our wonderful bikepath.


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Story of the Cowboy Hat

2 years ago in April we traveled to Mesquite Nevada for a mini reunion with our Colorado cousins. This was just before Murg/Rod was sworn is as an American citizen. During that visit my youngest cousin, Hank, and Rod talked a lot about Rod's impressions of Cowboys. In 1988 at Mike and Peg's wedding in Colorado Springs, the cousins wore their WORK Cowboy boots and hats, and their DRESS cowboy boots and hats for the wedding. At this point Rod realized I was not fibbing when I talked about my Colorado Cowboy cousins.

Truth be known, some of my cousins revealed this weekend in Alliance NE (where we were for my Uncle Chuck's memorial service) that they don't wear cowboy boots any more unless they are on a horse. They are too old, the boots are too uncomfortable and you can't walk in them. Their children still wear boots and hats though, and these two Cowboys Mike and Brian Redmond, had their boots and hats on all weekend.  Mike still works on the Lazy EH ranch in Yampa CO, where I lived until I was 11.

After our visit two years ago, Hank thought that Rod as an American citizen should have a Cowboy hat, but he did not know his hat size. He told me this as soon as we saw each other for the weekend. "Easy, I said. Give me your hat, and I will pretend to take a picture of him in it!". Which I did. It fit perfectly.

Our last evening Hank made a short wonderful speech to the gathered family and friends and said "From my head to yours!" and switched his hat to Rod's head. HE GAVE ROD HIS COWBOY HAT! That is such an incredible gift and gesture.

Rod wanted to sleep in his hat that night, and is learning the cowboy hat etiquette, and how to swing his hips to walk like a cowboy. He proudly wore it through the Denver airport. Don't you think he looks pretty cowboylike?

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