You will come back, You will come back, You will come back

For the last few weeks, I have been knitting a lot and on a lot of projects. I think I have 4 active, unfinished projects for a variety of reasons. I have been knitting the alpaca sweater for a few months making lots of progress. Unfortunately the sleeves are waaaaaay too wide so I am going to have to stitch and cut them. I started a Baby Surprise jacket from Noro yarn that I bought at Wolcott in Cambridge. I am knitting a Star dish cloth thanks to Jessica's pattern and I started a pair of socks.

Last week, as a I contemplated all of my unfinished projects, I planned to pack them all to take to Star Island and finish them. Metaphorically, Star is a place where I can gather all of the loose ends of my life. It is so simple out there, that there is space to grow, and think and play and finish projects that would not get finished otherwise. This plan to finish 4 projects seemed like a good plan and then . . . . We hear from the All Star II chairs that the fire marshal has shut down Star Island.

WHAT?????? We have gone to Star since 1994 and not missed a year. A myriad of emotions have occupied my last 72 hours. And I guess those unfinished knitting projects will get finished sometime, just not on Star, unless it is next year. We will go back, we will go back, we will go back.

Who is Father's Day for?

Father's Day is always bittersweet for me since my Dad is dead. I started to say, he is no longer around and I could have said "He has passed." He is dead.

As I drove around today listening to the sermon that I missed on Sunday part of the content was about fathers. I remember a candle lit one Fathers Day by someone who has been estranged from her father. It really brought the reality of some of the Hallmark holidays into the light for me. It got me thinking about the bittersweetness of this holiday and Mother's Day as well. What about those who are having trouble conceiving? What about those who lost a parent this year and this is their first year solo? Yes, yes, it helps with grieving.

I rarely buy cards ahead of time, but the year my Dad died I bought a card that I never had a chance to give to him. I keep it in my pile of cards and not surprisingly, it never is appropriate for birthday, or graduation, or new job. Why don't I just throw it away? It reminds me of him and of the bittersweetness of this holiday for me.

So Pollyanna shows up to write the rest of this blog and I realize that the card allows me to stop and think of him and I appreciate again how much he really is around. He is in me in how I think and look, and some of my brothers have adopted his mannerisms. Songs that were his favorites, are our favorites. I still stop occasionally and read through the condolence cards that I got from a variety of friends and relatives after he died.

So maybe once a year, to wander the Hallmark aisle and chose a card for Rod but not Dad is tolerable, and maybe it is part of the grief process.

The Hamster Wheel did not break

From previous blogs you know that we had a very busy last 3 weeks. Several times during check-in of various groups that I belong to, I described my mindset as "On a hamster wheel, running as fast as I can and hoping that the wheel does not break or that I did not fall off of it!" The tenses in that last sentence are probably all wrong . . . oh well, I am not going to go back and try to figure them out.

BEL's graduation party last night was perfect. Our friend Debbie offered catering at our annual church auction last November and we bought it specifically for this occasion. Because of her genorosity I was able to not worry at all about the food and could talk to the guests and appreciate the moment. The party was a wonderful combination of Church Youth Advisors who have supported her through middle and high school, her youth group, her riding friends and families and her high school friends. Along one wall was her "art" which we have been collecting since early on, in the window was an almost life size picture of her on Autumn (we couldn't have him at the party) and BEL created a slide show of pics. There was way too much of the fabulous food and we are taking it to a huge potluck tonight.

As I drove and walked around today I realized how I have not been able to relax for about a month. I have not accessed my creativity or allowed my mind to wander as much as I usually do. I have been focused on making sure that the family unit moves through all of the events of the past month. I am sure some balls dropped, but they were not the big breakable balls.

I can now take back the fabric from Margaret, so I can start her jacket and write the letter to the Junior Teens for Star Island and call people who have left voice mails over the last month that I unfortunately ignored.

Life is a cycle of busyness and relaxation and the balance has been awful this past month, BUT the wheel did not break and I did not collapse and fall off of it.

June is a Whirlwind already and it is the 9th

This time of year for most of us is a very busy time and this year is particularly busy for our family. So far in June we have :

1) Attended Clare and Graeme's wedding in Newcastle
2) Attended brother Ken's graduation from Kennedy school
3) Celebrated my birthday
4) Entertained brother George and sister-in-law Judy visiting from Chicago for the graduations
5) Helped cook for Bethany's graduation party next Friday
6) Bethany attended the Senior prom and we opened our house to an after prom party
7) Tomorrow we celebrate Bethany's graduation with Crick and Meg, George and Judy, and Ken and Tara

etc, etc, etc and on top of our normal busy lives . . .

I know that the year has cycles of beginnings and endings, dark and light, in New England hot, warm and cold but it seems that we could even out a the activities in June. I guess most of these events listed above are around the school year.

It is with a bit of sadness that I think about unsubscribing from the electronic email list at LHS. I thought of continuing as a voyeur for a bit, but the fact that there are holidays for the school in September and that school starts before Labor Day mean next to nothing to me. Tomorrow marks an incredible milestone in our family as Bethany graduates and we will no longer be connected as parents to the school system, formally. I have been connected as a parent to a school system since 1984, when Crick was a 1st grader.

So, will next June be less of a whirlwind for us?

Mini Cooper looks big in UK

Having just returned from our whirlwind trip to Newcastle for our nephew's wedding it was not very encouraging that a Mini Cooper over there looks like a BIG car. On top of that they pay 3 times what we do for petrol. I remember the gas crisis of the 1970s and for a period of time smaller cars were manufactured. When did SUVs become so popular and why? At the wedding there was a Land Rover but it looked so out of place among the smaller cars.

The wedding was at Lumley Castle in Chester-le-Street, near Durham. This was our second visit to Lumley. Rod surprised me with a night there early in our relationship, actually on my first visit to Newcastle. It is wonderful to imagine what life was like when the castle was built. It is a perfect setting for a wedding.

The last time I stayed at the castle, I was not an addict of golf and did not even notice that a few holes are wrapped around the castle property. Next time, I am bringing the clubs along. I think I can fit them into my sister-in-law's tiny car, although her suitcase for the one night stay, did not fit in the boot.

Knitting update: Lots of progress during the trip on my maroon cardigan in seed stitch. I think the sleeve is going to be too wide, so I may have to stitch and cut it. I am knitting the sleeve in the round. It just might be OK and after all of this work, there is no way I am going to rip it out.