Two days before an incredible change in our country along with a million other pundits I am contemplating the divisiveness in our country. I read a friend's posting on Facebook just now and that person and I could not be in different places. I suspect that I am on the verge of being blocked or unfriended by that person which I have already invited "friends" to do. Sample from my Facebook posts are:
"If you don't like that I post 200 pictures of Zuzu every day please feel free to unfriend me"
"I realize that I might offend others with my shares, so unfriend me in that case. I cannot stay silent"
When I post on Facebook I USUALLY go through a couple of filters:
1) "Am I going to embarrass one of my kids with this?" Honest Chris and Bethany, I do have this filter and it is my first one.
2) "Have I already shared enough Rumi quotes today or this week, and am I beating a dead horse?"
3) "Is this important, is this kind and is this necessary?" OK this filter might not always include the "Is this kind?" but the other two trump the "Is this kind?"
4) Occasionally I have a filter of "What would friends who are opposite to me politically think of this?" This one does not stop me from posting but I do think about it.
This last filter is the topic of this post. I do think that we need to listen to each other and as hard as it is I think we need to listen to those who are on the opposite end of the political spectrum from us. These are the folks that we like to dismiss, make fun of, get angry with and in all other ways not listen to. I don't think my Facebook posts are going to help at all with "opposites". My good friend Gary Holmes wrote an excellent public post about this:
https://garyholmes76.wordpress.com/2016/02/26/the-2016-election-how-to-lose-friends-and-not-influence-people-on-facebook/
BTW, he is one of my friends who is very close to opposite to me and we have skirted around some conversations recently but not had the REAL conversation. Ready to have it Gary?
A key component to these conversations is that both members will have to be ready, willing and able to have it. There are skills needed to listen and not rebut, just listen. There are methodologies many of us have taken in Leadership Training like "What I heard you say......". It is difficult to have these conversations if you are conflict adverse and these conversations take time and should probably be done live or video conference so you can read the body language of the other person.
THEY SHOULD NOT BE DONE ON Facebook, email, text, social media OR probably in a group. They should be 1-1.
In my work career I was trained as a mediator and coach, and it was amazing to watch the transformation during some of the sessions. By identifying the needs of each person, by getting them to really listen to each other, by going as slowly as we needed to make sure the process was being followed, and by having a follow up plan for how each would honor the commitments made, magic happened. I informally mediated other discussions at work between managers and direct reports, where getting them to listen to each other and resolve misperceptions drastically changed their future interactions. Often times, I was just a coach in the conversation and would step back and just be a fly on the wall as the conversation continued. I would say less than 5% of the time we failed. There are failures and it was usually when people were not listening and/or not ready to have the real conversation
The day after the election, in Cuba, at lunch with a close friend we went at it after our first mojito. We disagree on the Bernie/Hillary axis and this person pointed out to me "You never listen, you shut me down and talk over me." This was like cold water in the face. I teach this listening stuff to many managers. Why can't I practice it as well? It is because this issue is so passionate to me, I stop being rational and get so emotional that I shut everyone else and their opinions out. Any one close to me recognize this Sally?
I am really glad my friend called me on my behavior, since we deescalated the conversation by avoiding it. We could have used a 1-1, but not in the middle of the restaurant and not with anyone else around and not after a mojito.
I just invited two people to step up to the conversation with me. You know who you are! I am willing to have these conversations, ready to have them and occasionally when reminded to use the skills I teach to 100s of managers, able to have them.
BTW, this idea of conversations, listening to "opposites" was suggested/mentioned to be by another close friend here in Burlington. I have thought a lot about it since I head this from him and it confirms what I know, good difficult conversations between two people ready, willing and able to have them will get us all as an organization/country/world to a better place. Yes I am a pollyanna AND I have seen this magic happen, many times, right in front of my eyes.
Showing posts with label leadership lessons. Show all posts
Showing posts with label leadership lessons. Show all posts
Wednesday, January 18, 2017
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
Invisibility - none of us want this
My latest thinking of human behavior is oriented around being invisible. Some of us want to be invisible at times, but that is not what I am talking about in this post. That is a choice ones make. What I am talking about is when you are made to feel invisible.
I have often said that when someone acts up, they are afraid of something, My latest thinking is that often people act unusually when they are being ignored, dismissed or in another way made to feel invisible. This could be that they are not being listened to, or are talked over in a conversation.
Most frequently, it is in a meeting when they say something and someone else says the exact same thing 2 seconds later and get listened to or credited with the initial thought.
The behavior shows up as talking louder, physically inserting themselves further into the center of the conversation, or even saying, "What about me?" Extreme behaviors are passive aggressive behavior, or even lashing out at someone for no apparent reason.
How did I get to this thinking you ask? Because I have been observing myself and when I get irritated with others. It is usually because I am feeling invisible.
I recently ran an exercise for a board and asked them to think about a time when they were not listened to or felt invisible. It was very helpful, because for the rest of the 2 day board meeting we could refer to this ice breaking activity. I was struck by one response where someone said "I don't feel badly at all when I am not heard, listened to, or made to feel invisible." BS BTW. I think this person is just not as aware of themselves and their reactions.
These refined thoughts are in my tool box for now, ready to pull out for a coaching session, or interaction when I need to use them.
When do you feel invisible and not listened to, and how do you behave when you have that feeling? Just curious........
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
I have often said that when someone acts up, they are afraid of something, My latest thinking is that often people act unusually when they are being ignored, dismissed or in another way made to feel invisible. This could be that they are not being listened to, or are talked over in a conversation.
Most frequently, it is in a meeting when they say something and someone else says the exact same thing 2 seconds later and get listened to or credited with the initial thought.
The behavior shows up as talking louder, physically inserting themselves further into the center of the conversation, or even saying, "What about me?" Extreme behaviors are passive aggressive behavior, or even lashing out at someone for no apparent reason.
How did I get to this thinking you ask? Because I have been observing myself and when I get irritated with others. It is usually because I am feeling invisible.
I recently ran an exercise for a board and asked them to think about a time when they were not listened to or felt invisible. It was very helpful, because for the rest of the 2 day board meeting we could refer to this ice breaking activity. I was struck by one response where someone said "I don't feel badly at all when I am not heard, listened to, or made to feel invisible." BS BTW. I think this person is just not as aware of themselves and their reactions.
These refined thoughts are in my tool box for now, ready to pull out for a coaching session, or interaction when I need to use them.
When do you feel invisible and not listened to, and how do you behave when you have that feeling? Just curious........
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Wednesday, September 4, 2013
Thinking of Writing a Book
I have thought a lot about writing a book lately. What would I write about though?
I can definitely write about my experiences coaching leaders in corporations. This would be the most obvious and logical idea. I have helped 100s of people be better leaders of their people and I have some skill/magic in that arena.
I could also write a book about the experience within First Parish of making quilted jackets. A warm and fuzzy community building book.
I could write a book about women in corporations, and taking their place among men. The foundation of this is a father who told me to get out and beat the boys at anything, because I could, and I did until they were a foot taller than me.
Th possibilities are endless, so I need to narrow down to one option. Maybe I will continue to write more frequently on my blog until an idea surfaces. In fact, content for the book is already in this blog somewhere.
This is such a different world in terms of technology. I am already writing, this blog as an example. I just need to keep writing here, tag them appropriately and then collect, edit and electronically publish the synthesized results.
Wait, if you got this far you are reading a chapter of my "book".
My thoughts have already changed just by putting them down here. Thanks for reading!
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
I can definitely write about my experiences coaching leaders in corporations. This would be the most obvious and logical idea. I have helped 100s of people be better leaders of their people and I have some skill/magic in that arena.
I could also write a book about the experience within First Parish of making quilted jackets. A warm and fuzzy community building book.
I could write a book about women in corporations, and taking their place among men. The foundation of this is a father who told me to get out and beat the boys at anything, because I could, and I did until they were a foot taller than me.
Th possibilities are endless, so I need to narrow down to one option. Maybe I will continue to write more frequently on my blog until an idea surfaces. In fact, content for the book is already in this blog somewhere.
This is such a different world in terms of technology. I am already writing, this blog as an example. I just need to keep writing here, tag them appropriately and then collect, edit and electronically publish the synthesized results.
Wait, if you got this far you are reading a chapter of my "book".
My thoughts have already changed just by putting them down here. Thanks for reading!
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Conflict handled differently
The way I handle conflict is to get it out in the open and deal with it live. I don't love the conversation in the middle of the conflict and I can definitely raise my voice and be irrational. I can also intimidate to try to get the other person to back down or retreat. Occasionally after I recognize these behaviors, I can summon up my conflict management skills and try to remain calm. I try to listen, and I try to understand the other person. I am in no way perfect BUT I do like the result of dealing with the conflict to gain a better understanding of the other person and to deepen our relationship. This in my experience is what happens in healthy conflict.
What I cannot handle is conflict that goes on forever. Because it keeps resurfacing when I thought we had resolved it, makes me wonder if it will ever be resolved. It also makes me wonder what else lies below the surface unresolved. I once asked someone to give me the whole list of complaints they had about my behavior because I did not want to have to wonder what else was on the list or how long the list was. Conflict takes an emotional toll and if the list keeps on going, I am not sure that I can handle the entire list.
I am aware that we all deal with conflict differently. I won't do it on email and will insist on face-to-face or a live phone call. I will also not enter or stay in conflict if the other person is not trying to resolve it, or does not have the skills or inclination to handle it in a healthy way.
I did wonder as I wrote this how many unresolved conflicts there are out there that involve me. My head exploded at the possibilities. This is not an invitation to air your dirty laundry or to list my behaviors that irritate you. It is an invitation to enter into a conversation to resolve an issue with the understanding that we handle conflict differently and that the conversation has to be productive for both of us.
The bottom line for me is that conflict has to be resolved in a healthy way, and once we agree it is resolved and over and that we are both OK, we are done with that one. I would love to contain it that neatly. Actually I am over the conflict at that point. I am OK, but sometimes the other person is not OK and this is the part that drives me crazy. Raising a conflict months later, that we agreed was resolved makes me wonder if I will ever be able to resolve conflict with that person.
I know that I have resolved conflict in a healthy way because some of those people are my best friends. I feel so warm about them because we resolved the conflict, and the next conflict conversation with them is fruitful because we have traction, experience and skills. In fact, there are less conflicts with that person because we know each other better.
This started as a rant and morphed into some self-awareness. What did I learn? I don't like revisiting when I thought we were done and I can be intimidating. Yes, little 'ole me. I don't feel intimidating, I feel feisty and powerful and strong. Some people receive that as intimidating, but honestly that is not always my intent. Although sometimes it is and that is the behavior I want to check, and modify.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
What I cannot handle is conflict that goes on forever. Because it keeps resurfacing when I thought we had resolved it, makes me wonder if it will ever be resolved. It also makes me wonder what else lies below the surface unresolved. I once asked someone to give me the whole list of complaints they had about my behavior because I did not want to have to wonder what else was on the list or how long the list was. Conflict takes an emotional toll and if the list keeps on going, I am not sure that I can handle the entire list.
I am aware that we all deal with conflict differently. I won't do it on email and will insist on face-to-face or a live phone call. I will also not enter or stay in conflict if the other person is not trying to resolve it, or does not have the skills or inclination to handle it in a healthy way.
I did wonder as I wrote this how many unresolved conflicts there are out there that involve me. My head exploded at the possibilities. This is not an invitation to air your dirty laundry or to list my behaviors that irritate you. It is an invitation to enter into a conversation to resolve an issue with the understanding that we handle conflict differently and that the conversation has to be productive for both of us.
The bottom line for me is that conflict has to be resolved in a healthy way, and once we agree it is resolved and over and that we are both OK, we are done with that one. I would love to contain it that neatly. Actually I am over the conflict at that point. I am OK, but sometimes the other person is not OK and this is the part that drives me crazy. Raising a conflict months later, that we agreed was resolved makes me wonder if I will ever be able to resolve conflict with that person.
I know that I have resolved conflict in a healthy way because some of those people are my best friends. I feel so warm about them because we resolved the conflict, and the next conflict conversation with them is fruitful because we have traction, experience and skills. In fact, there are less conflicts with that person because we know each other better.
This started as a rant and morphed into some self-awareness. What did I learn? I don't like revisiting when I thought we were done and I can be intimidating. Yes, little 'ole me. I don't feel intimidating, I feel feisty and powerful and strong. Some people receive that as intimidating, but honestly that is not always my intent. Although sometimes it is and that is the behavior I want to check, and modify.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Groups end, not always elegantly
There is a well know model of group formation that many are familiar with. The Forming, Norming, Storming, Performing model. There is a little known stage that some practitioners use that is called Adjourning or Transforming.
I suspect there are a few reasons why they don't end elegantly. We don't want them to end, we don't want to say goodbye, and probably a few others. I think the most important is that we are not taught to say goodbye or how to end a group. A group I belong to says that if you are going to leave, you have to come back to say goodbye at one last session. That groups forces us to face the feelings associated with goodbyes. Anger, sadness, feeling of desertion to name a few. It also gives us practice as we say goodbye each time to a member.
This saying goodbye to groups, is very closely related to feelings of grief. Some religions have a great process of grief, and we could probably learn from them about how to end groups. The feelings might not be as intense but they are the same feelings.
As a growth opportunity for me, I am going to pay attention to groups and try to help them end elegantly. It is an ugly scene when they don't end well and I for one have scars from three of them that meant a lot to me and crashed and burned as they ended.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
I suspect there are a few reasons why they don't end elegantly. We don't want them to end, we don't want to say goodbye, and probably a few others. I think the most important is that we are not taught to say goodbye or how to end a group. A group I belong to says that if you are going to leave, you have to come back to say goodbye at one last session. That groups forces us to face the feelings associated with goodbyes. Anger, sadness, feeling of desertion to name a few. It also gives us practice as we say goodbye each time to a member.
This saying goodbye to groups, is very closely related to feelings of grief. Some religions have a great process of grief, and we could probably learn from them about how to end groups. The feelings might not be as intense but they are the same feelings.
As a growth opportunity for me, I am going to pay attention to groups and try to help them end elegantly. It is an ugly scene when they don't end well and I for one have scars from three of them that meant a lot to me and crashed and burned as they ended.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Friday, March 11, 2011
Don't fight yourself - you can be involved in lots of things
In my coaching recently a theme has emerged around Myers Briggs. We all have preferences in our behavior that are hard wired. These are our natural preferences and asking us to operate outside these preferences is asking us to write with our non-dominant hand.
One person said "I feel like I am involved in too many things". Because we share the N and P, I looked at her with alarm and said "Says who?". As long as the number of activities she is involved in feeds her, then they are the right number of activities. If she feels overwhelmed then she has choices to make.
Today we did an exercise on prioritization where she listed all of her activities and placed them above the horizontal line (to keep) and below the line (to drop). She also placed them relative to the line for how important they are. Far away from the line meant there was no doubt, and close to the line, are the ones to discuss and determine what their real priority is.
We also discussed that because of the NP, the relative priority could change based on new learning or just because.
Society might say to her that she is involved in too many things, but NPs needs lots of activities to get recharged, and they need those to be able to change over time.
Our focus in coaching is for her not to fight against her preferences, or it will be tiring and she will be writing too much with her non-dominant hand. Have as many balls in the air as you want as long as you are sane and not dropping too many of them. The ones that hit the floor, should probably be below the cut line anyway.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
One person said "I feel like I am involved in too many things". Because we share the N and P, I looked at her with alarm and said "Says who?". As long as the number of activities she is involved in feeds her, then they are the right number of activities. If she feels overwhelmed then she has choices to make.
Today we did an exercise on prioritization where she listed all of her activities and placed them above the horizontal line (to keep) and below the line (to drop). She also placed them relative to the line for how important they are. Far away from the line meant there was no doubt, and close to the line, are the ones to discuss and determine what their real priority is.
We also discussed that because of the NP, the relative priority could change based on new learning or just because.
Society might say to her that she is involved in too many things, but NPs needs lots of activities to get recharged, and they need those to be able to change over time.
Our focus in coaching is for her not to fight against her preferences, or it will be tiring and she will be writing too much with her non-dominant hand. Have as many balls in the air as you want as long as you are sane and not dropping too many of them. The ones that hit the floor, should probably be below the cut line anyway.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Working in the middle column
During my review two weeks ago my manager help me connect some dots that before were just that, dots hanging out in space.
2 months ago we had a career discussion where I shared my strengths from a profile from strength finder. Here is a picture of my strengths.
We had a great conversation in May and an even better one two weeks ago during my year end review.
Today, during our 1-1 we revisited the review by way of "What did I learn during the review and what will I commit to for this year?"
There are very few people who can hold up the mirror for me the way she does. It is a gift for both of us that she can be honest with me AND I can be open to hear, process and modify my behavior.
The essence of our conversation was the balance of work between strategic HR work and tactical HR work. My natural inclination is the strategic. That is the way I think and is confirmed by strengths in the strength finder. I often seen things as binary so I was dividing the work into two buckets and did not see that they were connected. In fact I bragged that on my white board the blue pen indicated strategic and the red was tactical. I further bragged that I glanced at the board to make sure that I was working enough in the strategic.
My manager's insight, and observation, which she helped me to understand by physically connecting the dots is that the HR Business Partner work is not one or the other. She actually listed the strategic in a column, the tactical in another and in the middle of these two she drew some circular scribbles to indicate that this is where the work is. That is the middle column work and is where we should be working. Her challenge for me into figure out how to operate and work there.
In the past two weeks I have felt myself irritated with the tactical UNTIL I can catch myself and reframe my mindset and approach. After a few of times catching myself I actually believe that working in the middle column is "the work". I don't get as irritated and I have started to enjoy my whole job. This does not mean that I don't slip back and get irritated. Behavior change is hard but I have been able to reframe my approach most of the time.
We have a code word now of the "middle column work".
We both agreed that my review was a very intense conversation. This may sound trite but I believe that feedback is a gift. Taking it to the next level of rewiring my mindset and reframing my work will be hard work but well worth the effort. I am beginning to like working in the middle column.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
2 months ago we had a career discussion where I shared my strengths from a profile from strength finder. Here is a picture of my strengths.
We had a great conversation in May and an even better one two weeks ago during my year end review.
Today, during our 1-1 we revisited the review by way of "What did I learn during the review and what will I commit to for this year?"
There are very few people who can hold up the mirror for me the way she does. It is a gift for both of us that she can be honest with me AND I can be open to hear, process and modify my behavior.
The essence of our conversation was the balance of work between strategic HR work and tactical HR work. My natural inclination is the strategic. That is the way I think and is confirmed by strengths in the strength finder. I often seen things as binary so I was dividing the work into two buckets and did not see that they were connected. In fact I bragged that on my white board the blue pen indicated strategic and the red was tactical. I further bragged that I glanced at the board to make sure that I was working enough in the strategic.
My manager's insight, and observation, which she helped me to understand by physically connecting the dots is that the HR Business Partner work is not one or the other. She actually listed the strategic in a column, the tactical in another and in the middle of these two she drew some circular scribbles to indicate that this is where the work is. That is the middle column work and is where we should be working. Her challenge for me into figure out how to operate and work there.
In the past two weeks I have felt myself irritated with the tactical UNTIL I can catch myself and reframe my mindset and approach. After a few of times catching myself I actually believe that working in the middle column is "the work". I don't get as irritated and I have started to enjoy my whole job. This does not mean that I don't slip back and get irritated. Behavior change is hard but I have been able to reframe my approach most of the time.
We have a code word now of the "middle column work".
We both agreed that my review was a very intense conversation. This may sound trite but I believe that feedback is a gift. Taking it to the next level of rewiring my mindset and reframing my work will be hard work but well worth the effort. I am beginning to like working in the middle column.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Thursday, May 27, 2010
What are you afraid of? What are they afraid of?
At our HR off site, we had a box of questions and to get to know each other, we randomly pulled one out and answered it. Being the extrovert that I am, I wanted to answer every one, unlike the extreme introvert, who was visibly in pain at the thought of the question she/he might get. From MBTI experience for almost 20 years and without the actual data, this is a difference between Is and Es; how much they want to share their personal life with others. Obviously I want to share nearly everything with many people as evidenced by this blog.
So, I am afraid of being destitute. I am also afraid of snakes and fish that move quickly in the water, but my biggest fear, and the one that keeps me up at night, is of being destitute. Unless something rather extraordinary happens, there is no way this is going to happen, ever. Try telling that to my inner child, the one that is not as sheltered by rationale thoughts.
I was even in a conversation with someone last week where I contemplated and said out loud "It actually would be OK to be homeless in my later years, because you are on your way out anyway." I don't mean to be disrespectful of people who find themselves homeless by this comment, I honestly think I would be OK, if I were homeless as long as the climate I was in was not New England and in fact Florida or the South West is where we decided it might be OK.
Homlessness also came up this week in my prior blog, about how well San Francisco takes care of their homeless. It is an OK climate for homelessness, as long as you don't mind getting damp. At least you don't have 20 degree below weather to contend with in SF the way you do in VT.
So what are you afraid of, what is your biggest fear, the one that keeps you up at night? If we know this about each other, then working with them, and understanding them is a lot easier.
I often say to my leadership classes during a discussion of what triggers them, "If someone triggers you, ask yourself what they are afraid of. It will explain their behavior, and make is easier for you to understand and work with them." Some times I get a quizzical look when I say this, and sometimes I get a nod of the head. What can I say, this technique helps me cope when I remember to pause and ask the question, "What are they afraid of?"
So, I am afraid of being destitute. I am also afraid of snakes and fish that move quickly in the water, but my biggest fear, and the one that keeps me up at night, is of being destitute. Unless something rather extraordinary happens, there is no way this is going to happen, ever. Try telling that to my inner child, the one that is not as sheltered by rationale thoughts.
I was even in a conversation with someone last week where I contemplated and said out loud "It actually would be OK to be homeless in my later years, because you are on your way out anyway." I don't mean to be disrespectful of people who find themselves homeless by this comment, I honestly think I would be OK, if I were homeless as long as the climate I was in was not New England and in fact Florida or the South West is where we decided it might be OK.
Homlessness also came up this week in my prior blog, about how well San Francisco takes care of their homeless. It is an OK climate for homelessness, as long as you don't mind getting damp. At least you don't have 20 degree below weather to contend with in SF the way you do in VT.
So what are you afraid of, what is your biggest fear, the one that keeps you up at night? If we know this about each other, then working with them, and understanding them is a lot easier.
I often say to my leadership classes during a discussion of what triggers them, "If someone triggers you, ask yourself what they are afraid of. It will explain their behavior, and make is easier for you to understand and work with them." Some times I get a quizzical look when I say this, and sometimes I get a nod of the head. What can I say, this technique helps me cope when I remember to pause and ask the question, "What are they afraid of?"
Thursday, April 22, 2010
I like Change - when I am the one initiating it
Our topic this week at the leadership training I am leading was change. I teach 5-6 models of change during this session, and get students to like about past and future change in their work or family lives, Many students said it was the best one yet.
New topic, but not really, you will see the tie in, I promise. I am a co-leader of our Green Team, and one part of Earth Day was making our recycling clearer, through signage and new bins. Two of us have been taking home plastic and Styrofoam to our town recycling for a year now, and we were going to have to get more folks to take stuff home because of the increased recycling. Yesterday was our Earth Day celebration, and employees walked into the new bins and signage. I asked a lot of them what they thought about the changes. Most like the changes, and some did not even notice.
Our facilities folks have been working with the property management company to do more recycling. Today they sent us an email that they are now going to recycle, IN ONE BIN, everything; paper, plastic, Styrofoam, glass bottles etc.
Wait a minute, we just rolled out our new program and one day later you roll out yours was my first thought. Mind you the facilities person has been telling me that the landlord was going to have increased recycling. I did not know it would be only one day after ours.
Obviously, I like that fact that they are recycling, but I did not like that we did not coordinate with them for the roll out. I actually did not like their change at first because I was not in control of it. Most of us, do not like a change when we are not in control and when someone does IT to us.
New topic, but not really, you will see the tie in, I promise. I am a co-leader of our Green Team, and one part of Earth Day was making our recycling clearer, through signage and new bins. Two of us have been taking home plastic and Styrofoam to our town recycling for a year now, and we were going to have to get more folks to take stuff home because of the increased recycling. Yesterday was our Earth Day celebration, and employees walked into the new bins and signage. I asked a lot of them what they thought about the changes. Most like the changes, and some did not even notice.
Our facilities folks have been working with the property management company to do more recycling. Today they sent us an email that they are now going to recycle, IN ONE BIN, everything; paper, plastic, Styrofoam, glass bottles etc.
Wait a minute, we just rolled out our new program and one day later you roll out yours was my first thought. Mind you the facilities person has been telling me that the landlord was going to have increased recycling. I did not know it would be only one day after ours.
Obviously, I like that fact that they are recycling, but I did not like that we did not coordinate with them for the roll out. I actually did not like their change at first because I was not in control of it. Most of us, do not like a change when we are not in control and when someone does IT to us.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Very Interesting - Grand Challenge Summit today at Wellsley
Today I attended this Grand Challenge Summit at Wellesley, sponsored by Wellesley, Olin and Babson. I was invited because Intuit has hired interns from Olin for the last 3 summers. I had not done my homework prior to the summit, as to what the 14 Grand Challenges are, and will be doing that reading in the next few days.
What was clear, very early on, is that there were a lot of academics attending. There were also quite a few students from the three schools, and a few industry folks like myself. I have some friends who work in colleges and universities and I have had discussions with them about the culture of academia. It is very different from any culture that I have worked in before.
One of the comments that a woman from Harvard made to me on the bus ride from Olin to Wellesley was "Professors don't go through any training on education or how to teach." She said it so matter of fact, and I paused a minute before I burst out laughing and started shaking my head. Seriously? Those individuals, who stand up in front of millions of students all over the world, do not have training in training, or training in education. They are rewarded for research and teaching is a means to an end, of getting the research and being able to do the research.
There were lots of statistics about the future that were quoted. The one that stuck with me is that by 2019, 50% of education will be online education. It was pretty funny to watch a room full of academics squirm in their seats when this prediction was quoted. One man refuted this with all kinds of opinion, and I leaned to my colleague and said "A little bit of resistance, maybe, or job nervousness about job security."
There were some great speakers, some great videos of Grand Challenge students projects, some interesting panels including one of the three presidents of the institutions, Linda Wertheimer and Paul Romer.
I came away with a new desire to help with educational reform, after my efforts have been exhausted with health reform. There is a lot of work to be done in this world and it is being done by a lot of smart people.
A half day out of the office, and I was pretty happy to return this afternoon to my cozy office in corporate America, armed with some new thoughts about education, engineering, culture, innovation, collaboration and Grand Challenges.
What was clear, very early on, is that there were a lot of academics attending. There were also quite a few students from the three schools, and a few industry folks like myself. I have some friends who work in colleges and universities and I have had discussions with them about the culture of academia. It is very different from any culture that I have worked in before.
One of the comments that a woman from Harvard made to me on the bus ride from Olin to Wellesley was "Professors don't go through any training on education or how to teach." She said it so matter of fact, and I paused a minute before I burst out laughing and started shaking my head. Seriously? Those individuals, who stand up in front of millions of students all over the world, do not have training in training, or training in education. They are rewarded for research and teaching is a means to an end, of getting the research and being able to do the research.
There were lots of statistics about the future that were quoted. The one that stuck with me is that by 2019, 50% of education will be online education. It was pretty funny to watch a room full of academics squirm in their seats when this prediction was quoted. One man refuted this with all kinds of opinion, and I leaned to my colleague and said "A little bit of resistance, maybe, or job nervousness about job security."
There were some great speakers, some great videos of Grand Challenge students projects, some interesting panels including one of the three presidents of the institutions, Linda Wertheimer and Paul Romer.
I came away with a new desire to help with educational reform, after my efforts have been exhausted with health reform. There is a lot of work to be done in this world and it is being done by a lot of smart people.
A half day out of the office, and I was pretty happy to return this afternoon to my cozy office in corporate America, armed with some new thoughts about education, engineering, culture, innovation, collaboration and Grand Challenges.
Monday, March 22, 2010
Diversity - Leadership Nugget
With the continuing appearance in my life of leadership topics, a neuron fired this morning in a conversation with a manager. I have tried to communicate this during coaching sessions with managers, many times so now I am documenting it here.
When you are thinking about diversity it is easier to have more than one voice / instance / resource / person. If you are the only woman on a staff, when the men want to hear from women, all eyes turn to you. In fact you are expected to speak for ALL women, when in fact that is quite unfair. I observed this at Polaroid when we were doing work around race diversity. We expected that african americans could speak on many issue for their entire race, which is not the case.
I have found, that in the above example, it is better to have two women or two african americans present on staff. It is easier and safer as that diverse voice to speak up about a woman's issue or a race issue when there is company aka two or more of you. The spotlight is not always on you to speak for ALL your gender or race. You can raise women and race issues easier with support.
In the conversation this morning we were talking about having one member of the group be located at another site, or having two members located there. For on boarding, working, work processes and communication, it will be easier to have two there. The probability of success for those remote workers is as least double by having two located there.
So, when you are thinking about diversity of many kinds, think about having two diverse resources instead of one, and think about the dynamics. The best way to experience this is to imagine when you have been the lone voice somewhere in your life, and then imagine when another joined you.
Diversity comes in many many ways. it is not just race or gender. In the case of the manager this morning, it was being a remote worker.
When you are thinking about diversity it is easier to have more than one voice / instance / resource / person. If you are the only woman on a staff, when the men want to hear from women, all eyes turn to you. In fact you are expected to speak for ALL women, when in fact that is quite unfair. I observed this at Polaroid when we were doing work around race diversity. We expected that african americans could speak on many issue for their entire race, which is not the case.
I have found, that in the above example, it is better to have two women or two african americans present on staff. It is easier and safer as that diverse voice to speak up about a woman's issue or a race issue when there is company aka two or more of you. The spotlight is not always on you to speak for ALL your gender or race. You can raise women and race issues easier with support.
In the conversation this morning we were talking about having one member of the group be located at another site, or having two members located there. For on boarding, working, work processes and communication, it will be easier to have two there. The probability of success for those remote workers is as least double by having two located there.
So, when you are thinking about diversity of many kinds, think about having two diverse resources instead of one, and think about the dynamics. The best way to experience this is to imagine when you have been the lone voice somewhere in your life, and then imagine when another joined you.
Diversity comes in many many ways. it is not just race or gender. In the case of the manager this morning, it was being a remote worker.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Leadership - more of my thoughts - headlines
There has been a lot of discussion lately around me, about leadership. Quickbase added a blog for team leaders with regular blogs on leadership AND my business leader at Intuit presented yesterday his current thoughts on leadership that have been percolating for him.
Both of these got me thinking about what is my view of leadership. I have blogged a few times before about this, so here is the latest installment. First some history.
I managed for the first time in 1977 when I was the manager of two restaurants, Taco Villa, in the Northampton/Amherst area. I started as employee #5 and we built it to 65 employees over 2 sites. Just out of college, this was a fabulous small business experience. I learned hiring, firing, finance, scheduling, process excellence and many more small business skills.
What did I learn about leadership from that experience? It is really hard to fire someone, and role modeling behavior that you want to see, is really important. The first person I fired, I was so upset I rehired him. It was complicated; he was stealing from us and was dating the owner's sister, and they were pregnant at the time. Yes, I said they. Of course the owner, her brother, gave me the assignment to fire him. As I said, it was complicated!
One way I role modelled behavior was washing dishes. Some people just work slowly and they get run over in a fast moving restaurant. The easiest job was washing dishes but you had to work fast. Some people just are not coordinated and don't move fast. I would often throw myself into the dish washing and show them how to organize the job and move fast to keep up in busy times. Some people observed and paid attention, and some ended up as "road kill" on the floor of the restaurant. I think this accomplished two things. It showed that as the manager I was not afraid to get my hands dirty, and wet in this case. It also showed them a system of dish washing that they might not have been aware of. I was always tweaking the system to make it faster and better quality aka clean dishes. BTW, I was also getting a whole bunch of dished washed if we were running out. This explains a lot about why at church, I jump into the dish washing job more often than not. Of course, I have to fight Murg for it, because it is a perfect introvert job.
My second experience with managing was in the early 1990s when I managed a team of 18 people at Polaroid. I had IT, planning, finance, work redesign and training working for me. Here I learned to pay attention to what motivates someone and to use that information for coaching and developing. I learned that everyone is an individual and you need to tailor your development to them. The conversations are all different. I also learned here to not play favorites among my direct reporta and that admitting a mistake is one of the best things you can do as a leader. It buys you a lot.
I have managed a few people since that time but not a huge team. Some day I want to manage a large team again to apply all of the leadership training skills that I have been imparting on 100s of managers in the last 20 years.
So what does this say about my leadership philosophy. Here are the headlines:
Both of these got me thinking about what is my view of leadership. I have blogged a few times before about this, so here is the latest installment. First some history.
I managed for the first time in 1977 when I was the manager of two restaurants, Taco Villa, in the Northampton/Amherst area. I started as employee #5 and we built it to 65 employees over 2 sites. Just out of college, this was a fabulous small business experience. I learned hiring, firing, finance, scheduling, process excellence and many more small business skills.
What did I learn about leadership from that experience? It is really hard to fire someone, and role modeling behavior that you want to see, is really important. The first person I fired, I was so upset I rehired him. It was complicated; he was stealing from us and was dating the owner's sister, and they were pregnant at the time. Yes, I said they. Of course the owner, her brother, gave me the assignment to fire him. As I said, it was complicated!
One way I role modelled behavior was washing dishes. Some people just work slowly and they get run over in a fast moving restaurant. The easiest job was washing dishes but you had to work fast. Some people just are not coordinated and don't move fast. I would often throw myself into the dish washing and show them how to organize the job and move fast to keep up in busy times. Some people observed and paid attention, and some ended up as "road kill" on the floor of the restaurant. I think this accomplished two things. It showed that as the manager I was not afraid to get my hands dirty, and wet in this case. It also showed them a system of dish washing that they might not have been aware of. I was always tweaking the system to make it faster and better quality aka clean dishes. BTW, I was also getting a whole bunch of dished washed if we were running out. This explains a lot about why at church, I jump into the dish washing job more often than not. Of course, I have to fight Murg for it, because it is a perfect introvert job.
My second experience with managing was in the early 1990s when I managed a team of 18 people at Polaroid. I had IT, planning, finance, work redesign and training working for me. Here I learned to pay attention to what motivates someone and to use that information for coaching and developing. I learned that everyone is an individual and you need to tailor your development to them. The conversations are all different. I also learned here to not play favorites among my direct reporta and that admitting a mistake is one of the best things you can do as a leader. It buys you a lot.
I have managed a few people since that time but not a huge team. Some day I want to manage a large team again to apply all of the leadership training skills that I have been imparting on 100s of managers in the last 20 years.
So what does this say about my leadership philosophy. Here are the headlines:
- Don't play favorites
- Listen to people to figure out strengths and individual motivations
- Be courageous enough to move or fire someone if they are in the wrong position. They almost always end up in a better spot than the one they are currently in
- As a Myers Briggs "F" and "P", managing these preferences in the workplace is critical
- I am really good as sensing what is going on with people even when they are totally unaware. Use this a a tool and realize it is a gift
So for today 3-17-10, those are my headlines. Unlike my business leader, my thoughts are more scattered, maybe not as clear, but they are mine.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Time Management - Leadership series
When I teach time management I always say that you need to find the system that works for you. Franklin planners will never work for me, they are too structured and too much organization.
As a true ENFP, I am constantly refining how I organize my time in order to stay sane. I now carry a small notebook every where with me and take notes. SOMETIMES, I put a check box besides a TODO item so I can glance quickly back through my notebook and find TODOs.
This week I am trying something different. I bought myself some new colored pens, and each day I am switching the color of pen I use, in order to track which day was which.
Just now I was cleaning up my hard drive, and found a file named "Talent Plans" that would have been really helpful to find earlier this week, so I put it back where I naturally was looking for it. It will easier to work on my deliverable if it is there, but when I made that folder on my desktop, I thought it would simplify things. It DID NOT.
Another thing I tried this week with mild success is to write on my whiteboard, in RED, the strategic tasks and in BLUE the tactical tasks. My role requires me to work on more strategic things YEAH, so this helps me determine if I am working a majority of the time on the right things. It is helping with that measurement.
Time management is a constantly iterating process for me which matching my MBTI type. What I have put in place helps me order my life and somewhat fits into my preferences, but sometimes like with the Talent Plans folder, it trips me up.
Advice, find your system that fits your personality and stick with it, or in my case keep iterating and improving the one you have. Back to the RED items on my board.
As a true ENFP, I am constantly refining how I organize my time in order to stay sane. I now carry a small notebook every where with me and take notes. SOMETIMES, I put a check box besides a TODO item so I can glance quickly back through my notebook and find TODOs.
This week I am trying something different. I bought myself some new colored pens, and each day I am switching the color of pen I use, in order to track which day was which.
Just now I was cleaning up my hard drive, and found a file named "Talent Plans" that would have been really helpful to find earlier this week, so I put it back where I naturally was looking for it. It will easier to work on my deliverable if it is there, but when I made that folder on my desktop, I thought it would simplify things. It DID NOT.
Another thing I tried this week with mild success is to write on my whiteboard, in RED, the strategic tasks and in BLUE the tactical tasks. My role requires me to work on more strategic things YEAH, so this helps me determine if I am working a majority of the time on the right things. It is helping with that measurement.
Time management is a constantly iterating process for me which matching my MBTI type. What I have put in place helps me order my life and somewhat fits into my preferences, but sometimes like with the Talent Plans folder, it trips me up.
Advice, find your system that fits your personality and stick with it, or in my case keep iterating and improving the one you have. Back to the RED items on my board.
Monday, February 22, 2010
Just wondering - did Outlook change the way we work and think?
As I set here on the plane, I can see the person across the aisle and he has his outlook calendar open. It looks pretty much the same as mine, full. Is he sitting there as I have been sitting here, wondering where I might have a free 5 minutes tomorrow? Is he contemplating how to solve for the double bookings?
That picture of an Outlook calendar is how many over 50% of working folk, organize their day and go through their day. I don't even need to see his details to understand what his days look like.
A senior executive at that great company I work for, keeps 30% of his calendar free. I think this is a wonderful effort, because he is then available when people need to drop in. I don't think many of us do that.
So, I wonder if we should stop relying on Outlook to drive our days? I wonder if we have gone overboard with calendaring and on the hour meetings? Microsoft has an incredible influence on how we work. I am not sure this is a good thing. I'm just saying.
That picture of an Outlook calendar is how many over 50% of working folk, organize their day and go through their day. I don't even need to see his details to understand what his days look like.
A senior executive at that great company I work for, keeps 30% of his calendar free. I think this is a wonderful effort, because he is then available when people need to drop in. I don't think many of us do that.
So, I wonder if we should stop relying on Outlook to drive our days? I wonder if we have gone overboard with calendaring and on the hour meetings? Microsoft has an incredible influence on how we work. I am not sure this is a good thing. I'm just saying.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Leadership on Recruiting instead of a rant
Today, on the way home, I had two blogs in my head. One was a rant about bad customer service, which happened to me on the way home, TWICE. The second one was on leadership and recruiting. The bad customer service I can do on Facebook, so this is the one we ended up with today.
You all know I work at a great company, and we have been recruiting quite a few people this fiscal year. We have made some really great hires, and we have not settled until we found the right person. Just this week we are making 4 offers, after a lot of hard work from the hiring managers and our recruiters.
In an all hands meeting our VP talked about five things that he looks for in candidates. They are:
1) Have Passion
2) Proven evidence of greatness
3) Trajectory
4) Energy amplifier
5) Record of results
He interviews everyone that we hire and occasionally we put someone in front of him who he does not agree with in one of these five areas.
We have a methodology called behavioral interviewing to assess the competencies and technical part of the job. These five characteristics are different than the competencies.
Yesterday in the All Hands someone said "What about smart?" "I thought about putting Smart on the list but I don't know how to interview for that. I know how to interview for NOT SMART." We recently walked through some recently interviewed candidates and their resumes, during an extended leadership meeting. We combed through them to see if we could reveal evidence of these five characteristics. We could guess from the resume about most of them, and then during the interview validate our guesses.
These are simple characteristics but difficult to find all of them in candidates. Recruiting in a mixture of art and science and takes lots of practice.
Know any good people looking for jobs? Do they have these 5 traits/characteristics and are they looking for a great company to work for? Quality Engineer or Architect, or customer support? Send them our way: INTUIT
You all know I work at a great company, and we have been recruiting quite a few people this fiscal year. We have made some really great hires, and we have not settled until we found the right person. Just this week we are making 4 offers, after a lot of hard work from the hiring managers and our recruiters.
In an all hands meeting our VP talked about five things that he looks for in candidates. They are:
1) Have Passion
2) Proven evidence of greatness
3) Trajectory
4) Energy amplifier
5) Record of results
He interviews everyone that we hire and occasionally we put someone in front of him who he does not agree with in one of these five areas.
We have a methodology called behavioral interviewing to assess the competencies and technical part of the job. These five characteristics are different than the competencies.
Yesterday in the All Hands someone said "What about smart?" "I thought about putting Smart on the list but I don't know how to interview for that. I know how to interview for NOT SMART." We recently walked through some recently interviewed candidates and their resumes, during an extended leadership meeting. We combed through them to see if we could reveal evidence of these five characteristics. We could guess from the resume about most of them, and then during the interview validate our guesses.
These are simple characteristics but difficult to find all of them in candidates. Recruiting in a mixture of art and science and takes lots of practice.
Know any good people looking for jobs? Do they have these 5 traits/characteristics and are they looking for a great company to work for? Quality Engineer or Architect, or customer support? Send them our way: INTUIT
Friday, February 5, 2010
Have I told you Lately that I Love my Job
This week, I had the opportunity to head out to Mountain View, CA for the second time in three weeks. This is the Intuit Epicenter so when I get out there, it is usually a really great experience. Tuesday we had a wonderful Extended Staff offsite. The last few days, I spent some time with the group that I support and with my HR colleagues.
At this time of year, all managers receive their Annual Employee Survey scores. I thought last week "This is one of my favorite days of the year at Intuit." Managers take these reports so seriously. They were pouring over the results and trying to figure out how to attack the opportunity areas. I am sure there are not too many companies where MOST managers are so serious about the results. The first year I worked here, we actually moved a manager to an individual contributor role, because the scores for that gorpu were so low. We don't tolerate "not great" managers.
I also participated in a couple of brainstorming conversations with colleagues which got my juice going. We are trying to demystify Talent Planning, trying to make it something that we actually do, and measure our results. Our question is "Why don't we do Talent Planning?". I think we are getting to the bottom of this answer.
So as I fly back to Waltham, not feeling exactly up to par (that is NOT going to be a blog topic or a Facebook entry, I will spare you those details), I reflect on the great company I work for and the current great boss I have. I am grateful for both of those, and I am grateful that just over 3 years ago, I started working for a Great Place to Work.
At this time of year, all managers receive their Annual Employee Survey scores. I thought last week "This is one of my favorite days of the year at Intuit." Managers take these reports so seriously. They were pouring over the results and trying to figure out how to attack the opportunity areas. I am sure there are not too many companies where MOST managers are so serious about the results. The first year I worked here, we actually moved a manager to an individual contributor role, because the scores for that gorpu were so low. We don't tolerate "not great" managers.
I also participated in a couple of brainstorming conversations with colleagues which got my juice going. We are trying to demystify Talent Planning, trying to make it something that we actually do, and measure our results. Our question is "Why don't we do Talent Planning?". I think we are getting to the bottom of this answer.
So as I fly back to Waltham, not feeling exactly up to par (that is NOT going to be a blog topic or a Facebook entry, I will spare you those details), I reflect on the great company I work for and the current great boss I have. I am grateful for both of those, and I am grateful that just over 3 years ago, I started working for a Great Place to Work.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Leadership lessons Part II - "What is the Worst that could happen?"
Today at church E, the past board president gave a sermon on his lessons from the past 2 years as board president. One lesson he mentioned today is another one that has stuck with me. When you are about to do something, or are afraid of proceeding, ask yourself "What is the worst that could happen?" This question is one I use a lot coaching others. It often breaks a log jam in someone's decision making, or in their process around a complicated decision, or a tough personnel issue. I use this a lot in coaching others, but I am not sure I use it with myself. As an HR person, we tend to ask this during a reduction in force, or another difficult HR process.
I learned this technique first, from one of my great managers at Polaroid. I was about to go present to the President and his staff. I had never presented to that level before. H asked me "What is the worst that could happen?" I answered, "They would think I was stupid." H paused and then asked me "Has that ever happened to you before?" I was dumb founded, thought for a minute and then said "No!" He had confidence in me at that point that I did not have, but this simple technique allowed me to go ace the presentation to the Senior Staff.
E's reminder today was a good one. As I have said before "When the student is ready the teacher appears."
I learned this technique first, from one of my great managers at Polaroid. I was about to go present to the President and his staff. I had never presented to that level before. H asked me "What is the worst that could happen?" I answered, "They would think I was stupid." H paused and then asked me "Has that ever happened to you before?" I was dumb founded, thought for a minute and then said "No!" He had confidence in me at that point that I did not have, but this simple technique allowed me to go ace the presentation to the Senior Staff.
E's reminder today was a good one. As I have said before "When the student is ready the teacher appears."
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Leadership philosophy that has stuck with me
At breakfast with S this morning, we were talking about leadership training. On the 30 second drive back from that breakfast, I reflected on what has stuck with me for leadership concepts. I have taught a lot of these over the years, but when it comes down to it, only a few remain a part of my own philosophy.
The first one that I spout about all the time is one from Alfie Cohn. He believes that testing kids in school is stupid because you are testing them mid learning cycle. Not all kids learn at the same pace, so the test is mid-way for most of the class. Standardized tests are the same thing. I always told my kids that they were obsolete as soon as you 1) got into college 2) finished that class. Translated to the work environment with a Deming quality concept thrown in, you cannot distinguish performance for 85% of the population. So why do we spend so much time on merit increases, when you cannot distinguish the difference in performance? Pet peeve of mine for sure.
My most recent learning was about brain chemistry, the partial topic of a previous post. I must have used this concept to explain changing behavior, 100 times since that February workshop, as recently as yesterday in fact.
This is the obvious one, MBTI. I revisited a worksheet yesterday and these two comments about my personality jumped out from the page like cold water on my face to remind me of some opportunities for enlightenment: ENFP Stress Behavior - Keeps talking until you FEEL the same way as he/she does AND ENFP Resists Rules by - Relying on the force of personality to overcome laws of physics. I learn something every time I conduct a MBTI workshop. I use it daily to interact better with family and friends and workmates. I laugh at myself daily about my type.
The last one for this post is the book Now Discover Your Strengths by Marcus Buckingham. The best thing to do, is to focus on people's strengths and not try to fix their weaknesses. This one is so obvious, however, we are in the middle of performance reviews at work, and I am not sure our system is geared to focus on strengths as much as it is to have "developmental" opportunities.
OK, those 4 are the top of mind for me, today and many of them have been on my radar and in my daily language for at least a decade.
The first one that I spout about all the time is one from Alfie Cohn. He believes that testing kids in school is stupid because you are testing them mid learning cycle. Not all kids learn at the same pace, so the test is mid-way for most of the class. Standardized tests are the same thing. I always told my kids that they were obsolete as soon as you 1) got into college 2) finished that class. Translated to the work environment with a Deming quality concept thrown in, you cannot distinguish performance for 85% of the population. So why do we spend so much time on merit increases, when you cannot distinguish the difference in performance? Pet peeve of mine for sure.
My most recent learning was about brain chemistry, the partial topic of a previous post. I must have used this concept to explain changing behavior, 100 times since that February workshop, as recently as yesterday in fact.
This is the obvious one, MBTI. I revisited a worksheet yesterday and these two comments about my personality jumped out from the page like cold water on my face to remind me of some opportunities for enlightenment: ENFP Stress Behavior - Keeps talking until you FEEL the same way as he/she does AND ENFP Resists Rules by - Relying on the force of personality to overcome laws of physics. I learn something every time I conduct a MBTI workshop. I use it daily to interact better with family and friends and workmates. I laugh at myself daily about my type.
The last one for this post is the book Now Discover Your Strengths by Marcus Buckingham. The best thing to do, is to focus on people's strengths and not try to fix their weaknesses. This one is so obvious, however, we are in the middle of performance reviews at work, and I am not sure our system is geared to focus on strengths as much as it is to have "developmental" opportunities.
OK, those 4 are the top of mind for me, today and many of them have been on my radar and in my daily language for at least a decade.
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