"Please don't tell me what to do!"

On one of the early days of our Morocco trip, this was uttered by one of the participants (name withheld intentionally).  This is such a complicated dynamic and I have thought about it, and examined it almost daily since then.

We all have expertise and knowledge that we like to share with others.  Remember back to second grade when the teacher asked a question and hands shot up waiting to be called upon.  We were rewarded back then for having knowledge and the correct answer.  

So this sharing of knowledge is a good thing right? especially as some of us start forgetting things.  It is nice to have someone around who can remember the name that you cannot remember.  Or that place, or that person.

I want to come clean and just say that I do not like to be told what to do.  I already have a mother, and don't need another one, thank you very much.  So often the telling comes across as parent to child and protecting.  I don't need to be protected, although sometimes I do need to be warned about the pot hole I am about to step in.  

I think another reason I react to the sharing of knowledge is that I do not learn by lecture or by reading.  I learn by doing and talking about it, so when someone "shares" their knowledge I view it as a lecture and immediately glaze over and check out of the conversation.  

I know that almost all of the time, this sharing is done to be helpful, and has a positive intent.  In the last 6 weeks, and even during the Morocco trip, I was able to reframe the words and say "This person is just trying to be helpful and share all they know."  It is not because they are being a know-it-all or a show off, but they really are trying to be helpful.  This helped/helps so much to reframe their intent.

I will still react with the "Don't tell me what to do." and if I can catch myself I might be able to reframe it and not feel like the child in the classroom lecture.  The wonderful thing about being human is that if we choose to, we can learn about ourselves every single day.  AND we can reframe and hear things differently, if we catch ourselves and let ourselves.  It is a great day to be alive!

Morocco - Tagine cooking and eating

We got a tagine when we bought a table which is being shipped back

Prior to visiting Morocco, I knew that a meal cooked in a Tagine was a traditional way to eat.  I was not surprised then that most of the meals we ate were cooked in a Tagine and we had a pretty large variety of Tagine cooked/served meals.  I long for those meals now that we are back from that magical trip just over 3 weeks.

It really makes so much sense, and is like a crock pot is some ways.  Put the ingredients in a pot, and start the cooking.  It is also not exactly like a crock pot.  Most of the Tagines we were served were a beautiful shape, with beautiful covers.  There was a bit of drama each time we were served as the server removed the lid and the steam started rising out of the food.  Sometimes the vegetables were added as the last layer, and covered the rest of the ingredients and were laid at an angle rising toward the center.  Usually we were eating at a table, the Tagine was put in the middle of us, and we shared the serving dish.

Moroccans do not eat with a fork and knife but rather take a small piece of bread and dip it in the sauce from the Tagine and then pick up a morsel of meat or vegetable.  Other culture do not use utensils so I ask "Why do we have to have metal utensils with which to eat?"

In our lunch home visit, our table was set at the far end of the room, and the family ate at another table.  We had forks and spoons at our places but they did not.  Their two year old, Fatima, spotted our utensils and non-verbally started gesturing that she wanted our utensils.  They fetched her a spoon, but NO she wanted a fork, so they fetched her a fork.  At that point one of our members said "Maybe we should try to eat with bread and forget about the utensils."  It was one of those moments on the trip where we kept an open mind and experimented with their culture.

Fatima and Ali - her wanting the fork

At the end of the meal, the person whose initial reaction was "That would be pretty hard, and I don't think I can do that." said "The food tasted much better eaten this way."

There are a lot of efficiencies in Tagine cooking and serving.  You can cook it slowly, and it tastes better with all the ingredients cooking together.  There is a lot less wasted food, and you have portion control.  It is a more intimate experience and seems like the food tastes better.  Less dishes to wash, etc.

When we got back to the US and ordered our first humongous meal in NYC, I sighed a deep sigh.

We got a tagine in Morocco, and when we got back home, we cooked a few times in the tagine to keep the experience alive for a bit longer.  We probably will cook some in the tagine and bring those memories back, and probably have a more intimate meal than we usually do.  And eat with just bread and our hands.

Morocco - Hammam

On our Overseas Adventure Travel (OAT) trip there is a "Life in the Day of Morocco" and ours was in Tineghir.  The most spiritual part of my trip took place in the Hammam.  There are tourist Hammams however, OAT takes the participants to a local Hammam and not the tourist one.  They do this based on tour guides input, and their goal to get OAT travelers as close to the local life as possible.  We were split by gender and they had hired two women to wash us in the Hammam.  They also hired men to wash the men in their side of the Hammam.

We were told to bring dry underwear, shampoo or soap, a towel and 100 dirham (10 dollars).  Honestly we were all pretty nervous as we entered the dressing room.  These were church friends, and we had not seen each other almost naked (we were allowed to keep our underwear on).  The two women said "Take off your clothes!"  Some of us were not quick enough so they said "Bras too!" and in one case they helped the woman take her bra off.

We then entered the hot room, or steam room.  They put plastic for us to sit down.  The locals brings mats to sit on and a bucket with their cleaning stuff.  When we entered the next room, where the two women washed us, there was a mother washing her 8 year old daughter.  She proceeded to wash her for the nearly 45 minutes that we were there.  While she washed her she sang to her.  It was probably a bit overwhelming to have us arrive, 8 women who were chattering and nervous and speaking English.  Part way through this, one of the woman washing us sang a song from Titantic to us, I think to get us to sing.  None of us knew the words, so she said "Sing, sing."  We then did sing some songs we knew, as the two women washed, scrubbed and then rinsed us by pouring buckets of warm water over us.  We were warned that there was a cold room, and a cold bucket of water, but that did not happen.  In the middle part of the experience, the 2 women scrubbed, and I mean scrubbed us, all over pretty roughly.  It felt wonderful.

Moroccans go to their Hammam once a week, and get really clean and wash each other.  Two twenty year olds were there washing each other when we first arrived.  The ritual of washing another person, and the ritual of getting scrubbed, washed and rinsed really well once a week is very spiritual.  The ritual of singing while you wash each other is so tender and magical.

We all grew fairly comfortable with the experience.  Apparently the men all did not have the same experience.  They did not talk to each other and lay like stiff logs.  I wasn't there so I cannot say, this is just what some of them said.

Sunday in church I was describing why I gave a sweater away to my friend Amy.  "It did not fit right around my breasts",  I said.  One of the woman who was in the Hammam that day said "Yes, and we all know how big your breasts are now."  It was pretty funny, the remark that is.

The experience in the Hammam however is one I will never forget.  I am trying to find one around Boston.  It was not be such a good deal as we got in Morocco, in that it will be more like a spa experience, which is part of the reason I have not gone yet.  The local Hammam, where the local Moroccans go, and the mother singing to her daughter are images I will never forget.  It did get us involved in a day in the life of Moroccans.

Morocco - call to prayer

I have heard the call to prayer a few other times before we heard it in Morocco.  In Brooklyn when I visited with Bethany, she lived close to a Mosque and we heard it on our way to the subway.

However, for two weeks in Morocco, I grew very fond of this part of the Islam religion.  In Fes, we were staying right next to a Mosque within the Medina.  For me it was comforting to hear the 5am call to prayer both of those mornings.  While touring the Fes Medina with our local guide right inside all of that hustle and bustle was a Mosque, that Muslims took off their shoes and entered for the midday call to prayer.  In Marrakesh, as we watch the Square from one of the Terraces drinking our mint tea, we could hear and then see three different Mosques.  During this time we watched a Muslim climb up to his roof and face Mecca and pray from his rooftop.  On our final day we were in the Medina in Marrakesh and heard the call again.  It was amazing how the Medina got very quiet, during that time, for just 5 minutes.

During one of our home visits with Amina, we asked about prayer.  We had asked her about removing our shoes when we first arrived, and she had said "You only need to have them off when you enter the salon."  Mind you, her Salon, and two separate living areas were all one big room, but the Salon had a carpet. Notice in this picture that we all have our shoes off. 

After we asked about prayer, she actually demonstrated what she does for prayer.  She put on a scarf, took off her shoes, walked to a corner of her Salon and prayed for just a few minutes.  It was very powerful, how comfortable she felt with us within 45 minutes, and that she could perform her prayer in front of us.  We had the conversation about going to the Mosque or praying at home.   Amina said "It is between Allah and me where I pray."  We asked out guide about this and he said that men are supposed to go to the Mosque and that women do not have to. 

Of course we are not Muslim, and this is not one of our five tenants but somehow the practice of pausing 5 times a day and facing Mecca and praying for just a few minutes seems like a very good idea.  What if other religions in the world practiced this?  Are there other practices, like meditation, that are like this?  So among other things, I miss the 5 times a day call to prayer that we heard all over Morocco.

Morocco - mint tea

I like mint tea.  It is my second favorite tea after chamomile tea.  I had read that Moroccans drink a lot of mint tea.  They really do, or at least we were served a lot of mint tea, while we were there.  Our guide Mohammed said several times that it is good for digestion.

Obviously waiters love to show off pouring the tea and here was our first example of this.  Whenever we were served tea, it was usually in a pretty small glass and several places we were able to get it unsweetened, although usually it was sweetened or served with multiple cubes of sugar.

I almost bought some mint leaves to bring back to make tea, since I really liked this tradition. Obviously Moroccans have for thousands of years served and consumed mint tea.  Every house we visited had the tray of glasses ready to be poured.  I don't think we ever finished a meal, without the mint tea.  When we were being shown rugs made in Morocco, the men there walked us through the entire process of making mint tea.  Part of the reason to pour it from a height, it to cool off the tea.  In fact, I watched a man in a restaurant with a single serving of tea and he poured his from a height.  At first I thought that with the heat I would not like to drink the hot tea, but in the two weeks there, I grew to love this wonderfully centering ritual.

Our guide had to be very diplomatic, when he knew we should not be drinking the tea a few places.  One time in the semi-nomadic tent in the dessert, he knew we should not drink it, so he said we had just had some.  The nomads put away their already prepared tray at that point.  Little rituals like this were precious and became more so as they were repeated continually during our time in Morocco.  I just might plant some mint and use fresh mint instead of my tea bags for my evening tea in the future.

Morocco-plastic bags and bottles

Plastic bottles and bags have been a pet peeve of mine for years.  Annually I examine what I can commit to in terms of using less raw materials.  I use canvass bags at the grocery store, pretty much refuse to buy water in a plastic bottle, try to bring my reusable mug or glass with me, etc, etc, etc.

I knew this would be an internal battle for me in Morocco and one which I could never win.  We were handed a 2-liter bottle of water every morning on the bus, were coached to not drink any water and in fact not eat fresh fruit and vegetables except in a rare restaurant within a rare hotel. I get it, and I did not want to get it (the travelers GI bug).

That one I had to accept, salute, comply and move on.

However, the use of plastic bags is not one I had to accept.  I had my little reusable bag tucked in the corner of my backpack and when I bought something I handed it to the vendor.  I got really weird looks from almost all of them!  "Why is this strange American giving me this bag?"  During our drive over the High Atlas Mountains, or along almost every road we were on, blue plastic bags, or remnants of them clung to tree branches and bushes.  I knew I could not go and collect them off the trees and bushes but I was reminded of the first Vermont Clean up day in the late 1960s when I collected trash from one mile along Route 73.  I felt powerful that day and honestly, I think we have less trash with the bottle deposit.

20-30 years ago we did not use so many plastic bags and neither did they in Morocco I suspect.  Plastic does not disintegrate, ever! We recycle plastic bags now and I worry that they still end up in the landfill.

I felt such despair in Morocco as I stared out at each beautiful landscape dotted with shreds of plastic bags.  I suppose they have many bigger life issues than these bags on their flora.  I am a Polyanna and feel like I can do something about these bags and bottles, my little part of refusing plastic bags and bottled water.  Many of our improvements of modern life are not really improvements, they are taking a step backwards, and use of plastic bags and bottles is one of these.  I will continue to fight my own little private battle here in the US and try to ignore the despair I felt when I go through my pictures of that beautiful country.

Morocco-toilets

Our tour company Overseas Adventure Travel (OAT) has an online area where people share information.  One tidbit shared was; whenever you leave the bus and are headed to the WC have three this with you, a 1 dirham coin, toilet paper and purel.

This was such good advice for the countless trips to the WC.  Even if you forgot your coin, or paper or purel, the others would bail you out and lend you one of the three.  

I was a bit nervous about the toilets and I did not need to be.  I only once had to use a squatting one and the ones I used were "pretty" clean.  It was just not an issue for me.

On my return to the U.S. I actually miss tipping the attendant.  Oh sure, I could tip them and will when there is one but in Morocco, even if the attendant were not there, a dish was, or our group looked for a dish.  It became so expected and routine for all of us.

Two clever entrepreneurs, removed our 1 dirham coins immediately as we placed them in the dish, and left a 10 dirham coin in the dish, hoping we would see just the 10 and think we should leave another 10 dirham for them.

Bottom line is we should tip well the workers who clean our johns and keep our WCs supplied with paper and soap, no matter what country we are in and no matter whether there is a dish there or not.  Just my opinion.