Monday, November 24, 2014

"Please don't tell me what to do!"

On one of the early days of our Morocco trip, this was uttered by one of the participants (name withheld intentionally).  This is such a complicated dynamic and I have thought about it, and examined it almost daily since then.

We all have expertise and knowledge that we like to share with others.  Remember back to second grade when the teacher asked a question and hands shot up waiting to be called upon.  We were rewarded back then for having knowledge and the correct answer.  

So this sharing of knowledge is a good thing right? especially as some of us start forgetting things.  It is nice to have someone around who can remember the name that you cannot remember.  Or that place, or that person.

I want to come clean and just say that I do not like to be told what to do.  I already have a mother, and don't need another one, thank you very much.  So often the telling comes across as parent to child and protecting.  I don't need to be protected, although sometimes I do need to be warned about the pot hole I am about to step in.  

I think another reason I react to the sharing of knowledge is that I do not learn by lecture or by reading.  I learn by doing and talking about it, so when someone "shares" their knowledge I view it as a lecture and immediately glaze over and check out of the conversation.  

I know that almost all of the time, this sharing is done to be helpful, and has a positive intent.  In the last 6 weeks, and even during the Morocco trip, I was able to reframe the words and say "This person is just trying to be helpful and share all they know."  It is not because they are being a know-it-all or a show off, but they really are trying to be helpful.  This helped/helps so much to reframe their intent.

I will still react with the "Don't tell me what to do." and if I can catch myself I might be able to reframe it and not feel like the child in the classroom lecture.  The wonderful thing about being human is that if we choose to, we can learn about ourselves every single day.  AND we can reframe and hear things differently, if we catch ourselves and let ourselves.  It is a great day to be alive!

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