Who is Father's Day for?

Father's Day is always bittersweet for me since my Dad is dead. I started to say, he is no longer around and I could have said "He has passed." He is dead.

As I drove around today listening to the sermon that I missed on Sunday part of the content was about fathers. I remember a candle lit one Fathers Day by someone who has been estranged from her father. It really brought the reality of some of the Hallmark holidays into the light for me. It got me thinking about the bittersweetness of this holiday and Mother's Day as well. What about those who are having trouble conceiving? What about those who lost a parent this year and this is their first year solo? Yes, yes, it helps with grieving.

I rarely buy cards ahead of time, but the year my Dad died I bought a card that I never had a chance to give to him. I keep it in my pile of cards and not surprisingly, it never is appropriate for birthday, or graduation, or new job. Why don't I just throw it away? It reminds me of him and of the bittersweetness of this holiday for me.

So Pollyanna shows up to write the rest of this blog and I realize that the card allows me to stop and think of him and I appreciate again how much he really is around. He is in me in how I think and look, and some of my brothers have adopted his mannerisms. Songs that were his favorites, are our favorites. I still stop occasionally and read through the condolence cards that I got from a variety of friends and relatives after he died.

So maybe once a year, to wander the Hallmark aisle and chose a card for Rod but not Dad is tolerable, and maybe it is part of the grief process.