Too many deaths make me numb

Ok, contrary to my previous post I stayed for my full yoga class today and spent a full five minutes in meditation. I lost 2 dear friends this week. The first was Gail Reed who was our next door neighbor for all of my teenage years in VT. The second was Toby Wood who is a Old Shoaler from Star Island. He kayaked out to Star last Friday, and was never found after his return trip to the mainland. His yellow Kayak was found north of his predicted route.

Gail was my friend BUT she was one of my Mom's best friends. Mom lost 2 other very good friends within the last 12 months. Growing up, all three of these friends' of my parents were incredibly involved and influential on me and my siblings.

Gail painted a picture of my horse Pandora, for the birthday that I got Pandora and it still hangs in our study. She was very creative. In their family room were collages of pictures of their family. That was part of the inspiration for the collage we gave Mummy and Daddy in the early 90s. I wanted them to have a collage of members of all of our extended family.

Frank was my Dad's pal and my Mom's friend. He gave a eulogy at Dad's funeral that I still cry when I remember it today. Frank used to love to lob the tennis ball and always caught me going the wrong way with his lobs. Mom gave a wonderful eulogy at Frank's funeral. I do not know how she does it. She gave one at Dad's service, talking about what Dad would have said about all 7 of us, and she was spot on,

Ernie was a musician and was most comfortable with his fingers on the ivories. Many hours were spent singing while Ernie played.

Toby . . . I cannot talk about Toby yet . . .

While lying there in my 5 minutes of meditation, I realized that I have not cried about Toby yet. I am very sad, but I have not cried yet. I heard about him and Gail within 48 hours and I have not cried about her yet either. I got closer as I lay there and I think that I have gotten a bit numb this year with the deaths that have happened to me. I got really sad and quiet which is how my day is going so far.

So, if I had jumped up and not done the meditation, I would not have had the time to reflect about death and friends. All of these 4 were friends of mine at different levels. I thought a lot about Mom who has lost 3 of her really good friends in less than 12 months. I thought about my grand mother who lived to be 90 and often talked about how hard is was to get old and have your friends die off.

Reading Rabbi Kushner's book is really helpful as I process the grief of losing these 2 friends; "Overcoming Life's Disappointments"