Too sad to sleep

Rarely do I have insomnia. Last night, or rather early this morning I did. I slept until 2:30 am but then thoughts of sadness invaded my pillow and I could not get back to sleep. After Daddy died my sister and I had an agreement that we could call each otnher any time of day or night that we wanted. I think we both took advantage of this at least once. In the middle of the night to be so alone with grief is really hard. Or maybe that is when grief work is best. Cannot be distracted, cannot go anywhere with it.

Usually when I cannot sleep I do a really silly routine. This is it. When I graduated from college, my cousin from Colorado, her best friend and my best friend from college and I went to Europe for 6 weeks. It was a really great trip. So when I cannot sleep, I go through that trip chronologically. Mostly, I remember briefly the town we spent that day in. I don't usually get past the 4th or 5th night before I am asleep. This works for me, counting sheep does not work. Last night I tried this routine twice, but my grief would not be fooled by silly routines. So at 6am it became legitimate to get up and here I sit on the couch, watching stupid early moring TV, with my chocolate lab asleep at my side. It was a long night of unsleep.